To the warriors, survivor's, mothers and women struggling with chronic pain and loss - I'm here to share my story in hopes to reach out to other women suffering from child loss or endometriosis.

In January 2017 my husband and I were excited to announce that we were expecting another baby! Our son was 3 at the time and we had been trying to get pregnant in hopes to give him a sibling for over a year. Shortly after our announcement, I had to check into the ER experiencing sharp pains in one particular spot on my left side. Soon after we were informed that we were expecting twins! But then the doctor said a medical word I had never heard before, ectopic.

For those who dont know, An ectopic pregnancy is a pregnancy in which the fetus develops outside the uterus, typically in a Fallopian tube. If left to grow, it may damage nearby organs and cause life-threatening loss of blood.

We prayed over eachother that night and held one another close. After an injection of methotrexate (chemotherapy) we were sent home with heavy hearts. Heaven gained two very beloved angels. Still not knowing what caused this and why there was nothing we could do to save them. We stayed positive on having our big family and continued to pray.

Exactly a year and two days later we found out we were pregnant again! I planned the cutest personal surprise to tell my husband. See in our younger years of dating we would go to the movies and before the showtime we liked to jump in the photo booth and take silly pictures together. But this time my husband was in for a " Coming Soon " surprise and I got a his speechless reaction on film. It was perfect.

This time I was considered high risk after already having one Ectopic. At 5 weeks we went in for our first ultrasound. We had our own screen to watch the sonogram. She places the probe on my belly and there is our beautiful baby flickering around. She zooms in and goes to the baby's heartbeat. 170 bpm - perfect! I ask her if its healthy, she turns and tells me its a perfectly healthy baby!... but she's sorry to inform us that it is not in the right spot.

My heart shatters as I'm staring at this baby on the monitor knowing that I will never get to hold it or see it's face. Knowing that its PERFECTLY healthy and I cant do ANYTHING to save it. Knowing that could be a little boy like our son or a beautiful little girl. This is the TRUE rawness of motherhood. I look over at my husband fighting tears, trying to be strong for me. I take his hand as he holds me and we cry together. I look over at our son who's very excited to see his new baby brother/sister, I smiled and hugged him extra close. His hugs make everything better, always. Before I had time to explain to him that the baby would be going to heaven, we were being moved to a new room. Once we walk into the new room, I suddenly felt abdominal pain. I assumed it was gas pain because since I was young I have experienced these gas pains regularly. My husband and son left to get me a coke to try and help. The nurse left to go speak with the doctor and told me if I needed assistance to hit the red button on the wall. Minutes pass and I felt my fingers go numb. The abdominal pain worsened. I could barely pull myself up to hit the red button on the wall. The pain was rising by the second and before I knew it was screaming / crying in pain, the numbness in my fingers quickly spread up my hands and arms and I could not breathe. The nurse rushed in following my husband and son, then came the Doctor. She made the call to rush me in for emergency surgery because the ectopic pregnancy had ruptured and I was bleeding out internally.

I woke up from the laparoscopic surgery surrounded by my loved ones and all of their support. My husband and I had just lost our third child due to an Ectopic Pregnancy. I also lost my left Fallopian tube and I was diagnosed with Endometriosis. Another medical word I did not understand - For those of you who don't know Endometriosis is when the tissue that makes up the uterine lining (the lining of the womb) is present on other organs inside your body. Once my doctor had explained how it develops from early on when a young girl transitions to a woman, everything started to click to me. My painful menstrual cycle, my " gas " pains, the built up scar tissue causing my unborn children to get stuck in my tube - all of which I thought was normal and most women experienced too. Now I understand everything thanks to an amazing medical team at Bronson Women's Services.

February 1st 2019 I woke up as an Endo Warrior. An Ectopic Survivor. A Mother. A Wife. A Daughter. I woke up! I may have lost 3 children, with whom we love dearly. But I have an amazing 4 year old boy who brings so much happiness to life in our perfect little family and I am THANKFUL for that.

Just recently my doctor performed a procedure called Hysterosalpingography (HSG) - it is an X-ray procedure that is used to view the inside of the uterus and fallopian tubes. The pain of this procedure was surely worth it because we found out that my right Fallopian tube is functional to have more children! We have chose not to rush this after all we’ve been through. We trust that God will provide us with everything we need and right now we are perfectly happy with our little miracle boy.

Thanks to my supportive family and friends I have found the strength to share this story in hopes to reach out to other women who may be experiencing something similar. If there's one thing I would like for women to take from this is that none of us are alone, ever. You just have to look beside you. And no matter what gets thrown at you, look past the darkness and find your light through it.

#endowarrior #speakendo #ectopicsurvivor