College is one of the most influential times of our lives. These four years are what we use to discover ourselves and figure out what we want to do in the future. These changes make it all too easy to commit to things we’re not 100 percent comfortable with – including relationships. It is super easy to create a very unhealthy environment for yourself. It might be difficult at first, especially if you’re already in a similar circumstance, but looking for warning signs can help you fix it or break it off.
(If you don’t know what a warning sign is, it is a signal that something is wrong. Think of a traffic sign: They alert you to a coming obstacle or detour you to a safer route/path).
If you feel the need to lie, you are probably in a toxic relationship. I repeat, if you feel the need to lie, you are probably in a toxic relationship. This can include (but is not limited to) lying about: Your plans, your location and your friends. Alternatively, your supposed partner or friend shouldn’t be lying to you. Relationships come with a certain level of trust, and if they’re breaking that, or you feel like you can’t be honest, it is time to look at your situation from a different perspective.
Lying, albeit it somewhat minor, can lead to bigger problems -- like over-enthusiastic support. In order to make it seem like you have a trusting and solid connection, your partner will support everything that you want to do, even if it may not be the best decision. In extreme circumstances, this can get a little dangerous.
Everyone makes rash decisions now and again, but usually we have someone around us to keep us grounded and make sure our head is clear before we do anything. The people that we care about should care for us, as well.
Similarly, you could be receiving no support from your friend or partner. This can be just as detrimental as too much support. If we don't have people around us that encourage us to be a little crazy and try new things, then we won’t grow. We won’t learn more about ourselves and we’ll be stuck in one stage, which may lead to us withdrawing further into our comfort zone.
As individuals, we need a comfortable and safe environment to learn and grow. We need to be surrounded by supportive people that, while encouraging us to test our limits and have new experiences, also keep us grounded and stable. Without that, we could go too far in either direction (overly crazy, or overly guarded). If you can’t remedy the problem(s), then you might have to leave and find something/someone better.
Now, don’t get me wrong – it’s hard. Taking something that’s built up over years (or just a few months, even) and breaking it is extremely difficult, but sometimes it’s necessary. As time goes on, people change and it’s not always for the better. I had a friend a few years back that I was really close with, but the feeling wasn’t mutual. It took me a long time to realize it, but in the end, it worked out for the better and I’m much happier now.
You don’t have to go through it by yourself, either. If you feel like something’s not right, but you’re not sure, go to someone in you trust. If you’re in college, talk to an RA or an RC. Talk to your parents. There are always people around you that are willing to listen and give you support, advice or anything else you need.
