I went on a retreat not too long ago and we were playing a get to know you game. One of the questions was, "What did you want to grow up and be when you were little?" A lot people would say answers like a doctor, lawyer, astronaut, firefighter, teacher, but for as long as I could remember I always wanted to be a mom. It triggered something in me, like where was this coming from? For the longest time until I realized that you actually had to go to college and do something with your life I aspired to be one thing: a mom. I quickly realized what a great example my mom had always been in my life, even though her title was a "teacher" my mom definitely took on the responsibilities as a full time mom. She was at everything she could be present for, even if it was twenty degrees outside she was always on the sidelines, and if she wasn't she apologized a million times. She made sure we had family dinners every night, had all my movies, shows, and books on lockdown. I even remember when I was younger, I was required to go play outside. I had to have a glass of milk with every meal and at least two fruits or vegetables. I babysit kids nowadays and when their mom's tell me their kid's can only eat specific things it baffles me, but then I remember since I was the first child my mom was the same way. My mom always valued the importance of family vacations even if we didn't have the money we always did something because life is always about memories and these are precious memories I get to recall anytime life is a struggle. To some people I may have had the "helicopter parents", but to be honest, my mom always did what was best for me even when I did not think so. Nowadays, not many people get to look back on their childhood and be like it was pretty great, but a lot of that had to be the Lord working through my mom.
Me desiring to want a family and love on my children is because my mom inspired that in me. She never let a day go by that I felt unloved or unworthy if I did it was because I was letting the depressions of the world get the best of me not my mom. I remember growing up how much I disdained feeling like my mom was always onto me about such silly things, but now that I am old enough to have kids (which is not happening anytime soon to clarify) I realize how much as a parent you have to be strict to protect your child. It's a nasty world we live in and I plan on being protective too because I don't want my children to ruin their lives through a silly mistake. I have these great aspirations to make healthy meals and to make technology limits, and just be the most amazing mom. What I have learned to realize is parenthood is never going to be perfect as much you want to have the most perfect little human they are going to be such brats at times because we all fall short daily. Sadly, organic meals are probably not even in the budget and nights that I have to work late, we will be lucky if I even make dinner. Something my mom always instilled in me was the importance of loving the Lord and through that loving your family she may not have always openly said it. Yet, every time you walk in my childhood home it is evident I have a pretty great family this is because my mom is the backbone of it all. Were a three ring circus and she keeps us normal. The biggest thing I realize as a mom I won't be perfect and the perfect instagram family is not realistic. Something I have learned from my parents is I hope I am humble enough to admit when I was in the wrong and willing to learn from that.Being a mom does come natural no matter how many daycares I work at t does not fully prepare for this 24/7 job.
So just saying "I wanted to be a mom," is such a loaded statement, I still want to be a mom with a grown up job sadly. I don't just want to be any mom, though there are many moms out there who would rather do anything else with their life then spend time with their kids which is evident. Then there are moms who choose their life over their child's and many kid's go without a real relationship with their mom. Since I have come to college, I have heard so many heartbreaking stories about people whose parents just weren't up to par and I am always humbly grateful for my family in those moments.I know my mom has her days where she wishes she could just get away,but I know she would not trade being a mom in the world. So one day when I do become a real mom and no longer of just baby dolls or virtual pets, but of a real baby, I hope I can be half as good of a mom that mine was.
So don't mind me as I'm walking through the baby section at target and if I have my whole future planned home planned out on Pinterest. I just always aspired to be a mom even as a stressed out college student that dream never seems to go away!