No, I Do Not Want Kids Or A Husband, Quit Shaming Me For It

No, I Do Not Want Kids Or A Husband, Quit Shaming Me For It

Please respect my choice.

I guess, to some, that this means that I'm - and other women who feel the same as me - not a "normal" woman. It seems that in society, a woman's ultimate goal is to find a boyfriend, get married, and have 2.4 kids. But in fact, the number of women who choose to get married has dropped throughout the decades, according to a 2014 Pew Research survey. Sit tight, this will be tl;dr if you are not one of these women, men, or anyone.

Ever since I was little, I had known that I didn't want kids. It was just something I knew wasn't for me, even when I was a kid myself. I had, and still do have, no patience for them. Every time I am in a store and a child is screaming, I wince and try to get away as quickly as possible. If a parent keeps telling their kid, "No, you can't have that," or "Stop that", and the kid is still begging for the candy or toy or whatever, I sometimes find myself gritting my teeth because they're not taking "no" for an answer, and...uh, shutting up, I suppose.

When I was a teenager, I did do some babysitting, just to make some extra money. But I would only babysit kids who were older than three, and potty trained. While it was lucky that my charges were normally behaved enough, there were still times where I would regret taking the job.

Starting in my early 20s, and continuing even now, whenever I mention that I hate kids and never want any, people say "Oh, it's different when they're your own", "You'll change your mind," or, my personal favorite, "That's selfish". These people are usually women.

Okay, "it's different when they're your own." I get what people actually mean by this, but to me, personally, that difference really is that I am unable to return the kids and therefore are stuck with them. No, thank you.

"You'll change your mind"- I have felt this way for over 20 years, why would I change my mind now? And why does it even have to change? The only way my mind has ever changed regarding this manner is that every week I am increasingly convinced that children are just not for me. (Can I get a "what what" on this?)

"That's selfish"- I don't get this one. How? The kids don't even exist, it's not like I'm neglecting them to focus on taking care of myself. This just makes no sense. Ladies, gents, and everyone else ask anyone who says it why it's selfish, see what they say.

I am fortunate that my parents are aware of my desire never to have children, and are 100 percent accepting of it. They have two adorable grandchildren from my sister to keep them happy.

I plan to put any mothering instincts that I do have into a few dogs, and maybe a cat. Four-legged creatures have just as much unconditional love to give as human creatures do.

I have a similar stance on relationships/marriage. This is partly the reason that I choose to be childfree, but I crave freedom and independence, and for me, marriage and relationships are the total opposite. I have been in brief relationships in the past, but they were never a priority. And now, I just graduated college, it's time for me to take on the world and live my life, find out what I'm capable of, and I can't do that if I am tied down to someone (cue the "A relationship doesn't mean you're tied down" comments. I don't care. For me it does, so please stop).

Some comments I encounter are, "But who will take care of you when you grow old?"- What, so I should get with someone only so I can be a burden to them in my old age? Isn't that selfish?

Or the more common response, "Don't worry (I'm not), you'll find someone". As if being single is a curse and not a state of my own choosing. Trust me, just in the past five years alone, I have had plenty of opportunities, as well as offers, that would have made me not single. But I consciously turned them all down because it is just not something I am interested in for myself anymore. What's the saying? "Good for her! But [it's] not for me."

My circle of wonderful, loving friends who make me smile on a regular basis, and encourage me to go out there and kick ass, make me happier than anything else. I believe it is possible for one to live a perfectly happy, and fulfilling, life with nothing but good friends, a great job that I enjoy (something I am still searching for), and also a puppy, because how can you say no to those faces?

And there isn't anything wrong with that. Let's just all do us as we please, and we should be able to do so without outside judgment.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

Popular Right Now

An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.

Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.


Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

10 Things Girls Secretly Love

Come on guys — take a hint.


Let's face it, girls can be a little stubborn at times and not directly come out and say what they want. But, a few of these should be obvious clues that boys should be able to pick up on. So I have comprised a short list of at least ten obvious things girls, or at least I secretly love.

1. Leave her cute texts

Quickest way to put a smile on her face or leave butterflies in her stomach is to send her a cute text. Even if it's simple

2. Kiss her in front of your friends

Don't be one of those guys that treats your girlfriend/SO differently because you are around your friends. It validates that she really means something to you if you still show her off around your friends.

3. Tell her she looks beautiful

Even if she denies it and says she looks gross, you've still managed to get her attention and show her you think she's beautiful no matter what.

4. Kiss her forehead

5. Let her take photos of you

Slight obsession over your boyfriend is normal, I promise, she just thinks your adorable.

6. Tell her when you have something to do, don't just ignore her randomly

Most girls won't be mad when you have something else to do. It's the fact that you couldn't take the time to send a text that would probably take a minute to write to let her know you aren't just dodging her messages.

7. Play with her hair

If she does it for you, then you do it for her. Don't just let her play with your hair for a half hour then run your fingers through her hair twice and think your done. No, we want the relaxing feeling of fingers running through our hair too.

8. Watch movies with her

You don't always need to go out and do something active, watching a movie and cuddling is nice too. Netflix and Chill

9. Let her fall asleep on you

10. Be her best friend

Sometimes all you need is someone to laugh at stupid jokes with, sing loudly in the car with, or just sit in silence and listen to the world outside a car window.

Every girl wants to feel special and treated the right way in a relationship. But just as girls are stubborn, guys are just a little bit clueless. So take notes boys.

Cover Image Credit:

Maille Dolan

Related Content

Facebook Comments