No, I Do Not Want Kids Or A Husband, Quit Shaming Me For It

No, I Do Not Want Kids Or A Husband, Quit Shaming Me For It

Please respect my choice.

I guess, to some, that this means that I'm - and other women who feel the same as me - not a "normal" woman. It seems that in society, a woman's ultimate goal is to find a boyfriend, get married, and have 2.4 kids. But in fact, the number of women who choose to get married has dropped throughout the decades, according to a 2014 Pew Research survey. Sit tight, this will be tl;dr if you are not one of these women, men, or anyone.

Ever since I was little, I had known that I didn't want kids. It was just something I knew wasn't for me, even when I was a kid myself. I had, and still do have, no patience for them. Every time I am in a store and a child is screaming, I wince and try to get away as quickly as possible. If a parent keeps telling their kid, "No, you can't have that," or "Stop that", and the kid is still begging for the candy or toy or whatever, I sometimes find myself gritting my teeth because they're not taking "no" for an answer, and...uh, shutting up, I suppose.

When I was a teenager, I did do some babysitting, just to make some extra money. But I would only babysit kids who were older than three, and potty trained. While it was lucky that my charges were normally behaved enough, there were still times where I would regret taking the job.

Starting in my early 20s, and continuing even now, whenever I mention that I hate kids and never want any, people say "Oh, it's different when they're your own", "You'll change your mind," or, my personal favorite, "That's selfish". These people are usually women.

Okay, "it's different when they're your own." I get what people actually mean by this, but to me, personally, that difference really is that I am unable to return the kids and therefore are stuck with them. No, thank you.

"You'll change your mind"- I have felt this way for over 20 years, why would I change my mind now? And why does it even have to change? The only way my mind has ever changed regarding this manner is that every week I am increasingly convinced that children are just not for me. (Can I get a "what what" on this?)

"That's selfish"- I don't get this one. How? The kids don't even exist, it's not like I'm neglecting them to focus on taking care of myself. This just makes no sense. Ladies, gents, and everyone else ask anyone who says it why it's selfish, see what they say.

I am fortunate that my parents are aware of my desire never to have children, and are 100 percent accepting of it. They have two adorable grandchildren from my sister to keep them happy.

I plan to put any mothering instincts that I do have into a few dogs, and maybe a cat. Four-legged creatures have just as much unconditional love to give as human creatures do.

I have a similar stance on relationships/marriage. This is partly the reason that I choose to be childfree, but I crave freedom and independence, and for me, marriage and relationships are the total opposite. I have been in brief relationships in the past, but they were never a priority. And now, I just graduated college, it's time for me to take on the world and live my life, find out what I'm capable of, and I can't do that if I am tied down to someone (cue the "A relationship doesn't mean you're tied down" comments. I don't care. For me it does, so please stop).

Some comments I encounter are, "But who will take care of you when you grow old?"- What, so I should get with someone only so I can be a burden to them in my old age? Isn't that selfish?

Or the more common response, "Don't worry (I'm not), you'll find someone". As if being single is a curse and not a state of my own choosing. Trust me, just in the past five years alone, I have had plenty of opportunities, as well as offers, that would have made me not single. But I consciously turned them all down because it is just not something I am interested in for myself anymore. What's the saying? "Good for her! But [it's] not for me."

My circle of wonderful, loving friends who make me smile on a regular basis, and encourage me to go out there and kick ass, make me happier than anything else. I believe it is possible for one to live a perfectly happy, and fulfilling, life with nothing but good friends, a great job that I enjoy (something I am still searching for), and also a puppy, because how can you say no to those faces?

And there isn't anything wrong with that. Let's just all do us as we please, and we should be able to do so without outside judgment.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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Stop Saying 'Love Is Love' And Then Shame Me For Dating A Republican

"How can you date a Republican?!" Quite easily, actually.


"And love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love." Other theater geeks like me probably also remember this quote from Lin-Manuel Miranda's Tony acceptance speech in 2016. Now, thanks to Lin-Manuel and his talent for catchy phrases, every time someone says "love is love," all I can think of is Lin-Manuel's emphatic cry for equality.

This cry is one that I support wholeheartedly. I think that you should be allowed to love whomever you choose and that you should do so without fear of hatred or scrutiny. If you are a guy who loves guys, great. If you are a girl who loves girls, great. If you are a girl who loves guys and girls, great. You are born a certain way with certain sexual preferences, and there is nothing wrong with that.

However, if you believe that people should be free to love anyone they choose, then, honey, you better start looking past gender.

Let me tell you a little story.

Recently, I had a conversation with one of my closest friends about my boyfriend of almost 11 months. Somehow (and I'm shocked that this hadn't come up before), my boyfriend's political preferences became the topic of conversation.

The conversation went something like this:

"Wait, so is Tom a Democrat or Republican?"

"He's a Republican."

"WHAT?! Are you serious?"


"How can you date a Republican?"

After that, I basically went on a five-minute rant about how at the end of the day, his political preferences only make up a small fraction of who he is as a person and that I am not so shallow that I would be deterred by something this trivial.

At our cores, Tom and I value the exact same things: compassion, knowledge, kindness, dedication, honesty, respect, and above all else, love. Tom loves me unconditionally and I give him that same love in return; honestly, what else could I ask for?

Tom and I do get in some political arguments from time to time, but we also agree on those issues that are most important to me: female reproductive rights, marriage equality, and support for survivors of sexual assault. All of those things are non-negotiables for me, and Tom understands that and possesses his own list of non-negotiables.

Before you ask, yep, he voted for Trump. Did that take me back at first? Yes. Did I struggle to understand what would compel a person to vote for him? Absolutely. Did that thought kind of terrify me at first? Hell yes.

But you know what? After I just sat and listened to Tom's reasoning as to why he voted for him and watched him delve deep into Trump's policies, I could understand why some would vote for him. And to tell the truth, once I fell in love with Tom, none of that mattered anymore. And what is sad is that people so often fall so deep into their own echo chambers nowadays, that they wouldn't even give someone with different beliefs their ear. Well, I'm damn glad I did because Tom is the most amazing person I've ever met and I fall more in love with him every day.

So to tie this all together with a pretty little bow, if you're going to go around and preach that love is love and that everyone should be free to love whom they choose, then that shouldn't change for me. Maybe you're a Democrat that would never date a Republican or maybe you're a Republican who would never date a Democrat; that's your choice. But we don't get to choose who we fall in love with (much to the dismay of my liberal family and friends). Just keep an open mind and who knows? Maybe you could find some absolutely epic happiness.

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My Rating On Ghosting? BOO.

Just recently I found out what it was like to be ghosted, and it literally is almost worse than going through a tough breakup.


Ghosting is literally one of the worst things I've experienced. I give it a 0/10 on my list of things I'd love to try again.

It makes you feel like everything said, any interest someone had in you, was all a complete sham. If you've got anxiety, it can keep your mind running around in circles thinking about what it is you did wrong and what you could have changed to make things work out. Your heart breaks a little no matter how little you really got to know them (unless you weren't that interested) because there was a potential that they'd be a great companion (at least until they completely disappeared, that is). Even if you say you don't care, some small part of you does and is just trying to put on a brave face. You wonder why all of a sudden the person is disinterested when nothing you did changed. It feels almost worse than a breakup, because you never got to experience the grand love affair that real couples do, and the ones who ghost never let you see it coming, whereas there's a small chance in a relationship.

If your situation is anything like mine was, there is literally no way you could have imagined being ghosted. The guy in question seemed like he cared, and was there for me every single day after we began talking. We even met in person and called each other boyfriend and girlfriend after he asked me to be official. We never got to see each other after that because of the distance, though I tried to make plans, and then the blocking/ghosting out of nowhere. There was no fight, there was no explanation, he was just gone completely.

I understand that some people go through things internally, too, and they might not feel like sticking around with someone they don't care for anymore. I get that sometimes circumstances change and that you don't want to hurt someone. What I truly don't understand is not having the decency to be honest about those things if they come up. If you don't want to be with someone, just explain to them, and then if they become too angry, or something you can't handle, you have the right to block them. Don't just do it to avoid having a potentially uncomfortable conversation. It is disrespectful and implies that the other person is no longer worth your time or effort.

I don't wish ill on the guy who ghosted me. I truly hope he has a great life, and that he achieves the things he sets out to do. I just wish I could have been there to support him along the way, for at least some time if we wouldn't have lasted. Instead, I don't even get to tell him how proud I am of him whether we would have been together or not when he does have a great life and does great things.

I know we obviously weren't meant to work out, but we were meant to be honest with each other as we promised. I never lied to him, so I wish he wouldn't have lied to me.

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