No, I Do Not Want Kids Or A Husband, Quit Shaming Me For It

No, I Do Not Want Kids Or A Husband, Quit Shaming Me For It

Please respect my choice.

I guess, to some, that this means that I'm - and other women who feel the same as me - not a "normal" woman. It seems that in society, a woman's ultimate goal is to find a boyfriend, get married, and have 2.4 kids. But in fact, the number of women who choose to get married has dropped throughout the decades, according to a 2014 Pew Research survey. Sit tight, this will be tl;dr if you are not one of these women, men, or anyone.

Ever since I was little, I had known that I didn't want kids. It was just something I knew wasn't for me, even when I was a kid myself. I had, and still do have, no patience for them. Every time I am in a store and a child is screaming, I wince and try to get away as quickly as possible. If a parent keeps telling their kid, "No, you can't have that," or "Stop that", and the kid is still begging for the candy or toy or whatever, I sometimes find myself gritting my teeth because they're not taking "no" for an answer, and...uh, shutting up, I suppose.

When I was a teenager, I did do some babysitting, just to make some extra money. But I would only babysit kids who were older than three, and potty trained. While it was lucky that my charges were normally behaved enough, there were still times where I would regret taking the job.

Starting in my early 20s, and continuing even now, whenever I mention that I hate kids and never want any, people say "Oh, it's different when they're your own", "You'll change your mind," or, my personal favorite, "That's selfish". These people are usually women.

Okay, "it's different when they're your own." I get what people actually mean by this, but to me, personally, that difference really is that I am unable to return the kids and therefore are stuck with them. No, thank you.

"You'll change your mind"- I have felt this way for over 20 years, why would I change my mind now? And why does it even have to change? The only way my mind has ever changed regarding this manner is that every week I am increasingly convinced that children are just not for me. (Can I get a "what what" on this?)

"That's selfish"- I don't get this one. How? The kids don't even exist, it's not like I'm neglecting them to focus on taking care of myself. This just makes no sense. Ladies, gents, and everyone else ask anyone who says it why it's selfish, see what they say.

I am fortunate that my parents are aware of my desire never to have children, and are 100 percent accepting of it. They have two adorable grandchildren from my sister to keep them happy.

I plan to put any mothering instincts that I do have into a few dogs, and maybe a cat. Four-legged creatures have just as much unconditional love to give as human creatures do.

I have a similar stance on relationships/marriage. This is partly the reason that I choose to be childfree, but I crave freedom and independence, and for me, marriage and relationships are the total opposite. I have been in brief relationships in the past, but they were never a priority. And now, I just graduated college, it's time for me to take on the world and live my life, find out what I'm capable of, and I can't do that if I am tied down to someone (cue the "A relationship doesn't mean you're tied down" comments. I don't care. For me it does, so please stop).

Some comments I encounter are, "But who will take care of you when you grow old?"- What, so I should get with someone only so I can be a burden to them in my old age? Isn't that selfish?

Or the more common response, "Don't worry (I'm not), you'll find someone". As if being single is a curse and not a state of my own choosing. Trust me, just in the past five years alone, I have had plenty of opportunities, as well as offers, that would have made me not single. But I consciously turned them all down because it is just not something I am interested in for myself anymore. What's the saying? "Good for her! But [it's] not for me."

My circle of wonderful, loving friends who make me smile on a regular basis, and encourage me to go out there and kick ass, make me happier than anything else. I believe it is possible for one to live a perfectly happy, and fulfilling, life with nothing but good friends, a great job that I enjoy (something I am still searching for), and also a puppy, because how can you say no to those faces?

And there isn't anything wrong with that. Let's just all do us as we please, and we should be able to do so without outside judgment.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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The Saddest Type Of Breakup Is The One You See Coming

"You try and try to make things work and sometimes they just don’t."

Being in love is one of the greatest feelings in the world. It makes you feel like you can conquer the world. Unfortunately, not all relationships last even when you want them to. Sometimes breakups are needed and are unavoidable.

The saddest breakup of all though is when you watch your relationship deteriorate right in front of you and there’s nothing you can do.

This situation is so tough. You try and try to make things work and sometimes they just don’t. You can feel yourself losing contact with the person. You know what’s happening and you just have to let it play out because you’ve done everything you possibly can. You try to make amends but it’s just too late. You don’t want to be the one to break things off because you really don’t want to lose this person. You push and push to try and make things work, but nothing works.

You know all too well what is happening and you can’t avoid the inevitable. Maybe it’s not your time with this person or maybe your time has come to an end. You can’t hold on to someone who’s already gone. That's the reality of it and it hurts. It sucks actually. Sometimes this feels like the hardest pain in your life. You truly believe that you and this person are meant to be together and sometimes that just isn't reciprocated.

You think about all the firsts and how great everything was and how things used to be. Things change and so do feelings and it's hard when you still feel all these things and your partner doesn't. It happens though. People fall out of love and you can't do anything to make them love you again. And that's just how it is sometimes.

To the people who are going through this, I understand your pain. I know things are dark now and you don’t think they’ll get any better, but they do. I promise you. Don’t give up on finding your light and doing things that make you happy. Surround yourself with people who love and care about you.

Things will be so messy for a while, but you will find your way back to you and you will come out of this stronger. Keep on keeping on.

Cover Image Credit: sapplephotography / Instagram

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To The Man Who Pushed Her Away When You Didn't Deserve Her

She was something special, too bad you weren't.

She still looks back on the day that she laid eyes on you. She thought you were perfect, so she tried to be perfect herself. She only had eyes for you, no one else measured up to the way you made her feel. She never thought she was good enough for you. She tried so hard to deserve your love. She always worked to meet your expectations, hoped that you would love her the way that she loved you. She faked a smile on the worst of days, because she didn’t want to drag you down. She always hoped things would change, that things would get better.

She was one of those girls that knew even though she didn’t have you every minute of every day, that you were always on her mind. She always knew what you could give her, and never expected more. She knew that she could give most of these things to herself. She wanted to be by your side through the good times and the bad. She wanted to be such an important part of your life. She wanted to be “your person”, the person you told your secrets to. She was selfless, she did not think of anyone else, you were her everything. She gave herself to you, and she hoped that you could do the same for her, but once again you disappointed her.

Then she fell in love with you, she put you first. She chose you, and only you. You were more important to her than anyone else. She wanted to kiss your face every chance she got. She wanted to listen to your problems on a bad day. She was there for you through everything. She loved you with all her heart, but you never gave her the chance for you to love her back.

Then she saw your flaws, and well, she accepted every one of them. She loved your flaws as much as your strengths. She knew that you weren’t perfect, even though she pretended you were. She accepted your flaws, and loved you the way you were. She was perfectly aware of these flaws, and she knew that you were a human like everyone else. Even with all the mistakes you made, the times you made her cry, the times you hurt her feelings, she still forgave you. She still had this perfect image of you.

Even after all the horrible things you did to her, the time you broke her heart, she still couldn’t be mad at you. She loved you, and still loves you. She knows your bad for her, she knows you do not deserve her love but she can’t walk away. You made her feel like she was not good enough, and that is not fair. She did everything for you. You aren’t worthy of her love. Through all the bad, she still cannot hate you.

She loved you, she was willing to stick by you through hard times, but you pushed her away. She could not stand there to feel lower than low. She kept wearing herself down trying to pick you up. She gave you everything and expected nothing in return. She finally understood that she deserved more. She finally gave up on you. You pushed her away, you didn’t tell her that you loved her. You didn’t tell her how much you appreciated her. You didn’t say “thank you”, you pushed her away by not choosing her first.

You made so many excuses, tried to blame others, tried to say your damaged, but let me tell you the truth, there is no excuse for how you treated her. You lost a great girl in your life, let her walk right out, you didn’t think twice about it. You destroyed her, you broke her, she wont be the same for a while. All because you couldn’t open your heart to love her.

She was this amazing girl, she was special. You’ll never come across a girl like her again. When will you find a girl this amazing, that was also your best friend. She loved you, she was your person. But thank you, you pushed her away so she was able to find someone that can show her what love is meant to be like. She deserves to be loved the way that she loves. She was one of a kind and you let her walk away, you pushed her to the point that she was able to muster the strength to value herself. She was able to allow herself to love again, so she could make room in her heart for someone new. Someone as special as she is. Someone that will treat her the way that she is meant to be treated.

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