Everyone in the Carnegie–Paseo Verde area of Henderson knows about the Green Valley Ranch Casino. It's not as famous for its slots as it is for its variety of gourmet restaurants. For ages, my family's favorite has been the 24-hour Grand Café: namely, its inexpensive burger-and-fries special.
It's clear why this meal kept us coming back every Friday night. The patty was thick and juicy, the bun soft and golden brown. I always got pretty full fast, but I'd keep sneaking bites out of the Styrofoam take-home box on the way back.
Well, things have changed.
Last month, I requested rare, as per usual, only to hear "We don't cook it like that anymore." I should've known something was up. I figured I could deal with a well-done patty, but nothing could've prepared me for what would really be carted out soon.
I swear, it looked like a real-life incarnation of the Nasty Patty from Spongebob. My little sister agreed.
My dad took a swift look and asked, "Where's the patty?" He lifted up the pale beige stale-looking oat bun and the mess of shredded lettuce to see a sad sliver of grey meat, no thicker than one you'd see at McDonald's.
I took a bite, and indeed, the bun was just as stale as it looked. The meat wasn't awful, but it lacked the savor and juice of its predecessor. We all just set the buns to the side; no need for excess carbs if you derive no pleasure from them.
Later that evening, once my little sister and I had "finished," we decided to play What Are the Odds. If you haven't heard of that, it's a game where Person A asks, "What are the odds?" and Person B answers either "one out of 10" or "one out of 20." On the count of three, they would then both give a number within that interval, and if they say the same number, Person B must follow through on the dare. (Fun game, really.)
Her dare this time? Eat the discarded bun of the "Nasty Patty."
I had to hand it to her - that was a good dare. Naturally, I chose "one out of 20"; it should really say something if a restaurant's food is so bad that one wouldn't even want a 1-in-10 chance of having to eat it.
After several trials, just to see how far I'd make it, fate struck, and I really did have to. To think that some chef must've thought it was some kind of upgrade!
I just went to the Grand Cafe again earlier tonight, and apparently they realized their mistake. The bun was back to its healthy tan color, albeit not quite as soft. But the lettuce-to-patty ratio remained skewed.
Folks, clearly it would be wise to find a go-to burger place that'll stay loyal to thick, juicy patties. Five Guys definitely fits the bill; as a pal of mine once said, it even makes In-N-Out look like Burger King. If you're looking for a finer sit-down dinner, Claim Jumper has fantastic burger meals, with rich brioche buns and addictively seasoned fries.
One thing's for sure: if you're looking for a burger, the Grand Cafe is not the place to go.
