Addicts are known to slowly kill themselves. But what about the people who love them? We watch them kill themselves every day while we also die inside. I've lived my life without having one of the most important in a girl's life... My mom. I went through heartbreak, puberty, high school, and life without having the guidance of my mother.

Although I did it all and I'm fine, it still killed me everyday not having my mom there. I needed her more than anything. So now, there are a few things I'd like for her to know.

1. I fell in love and got my heart broken.

You may or may not know this, but I met a boy. I met a man, actually. He stole my heart, made it grow, and then he shattered it. I'm still heartbroken over him and I don't have a mom to tell me how to deal with it. I've never felt pain like this before. I've torn my ACL during a volleyball game and that really hurt. My pain level was at a 9. But, having my heart broken... My pain level is at a 500. All I want is for you to hold me and tell me it's going to be okay. But, you hold that bottle of beer tighter than ever.

2. I went to my senior prom.

I know, right?! After telling myself I'd never go, I actually went. I wore a purple dress that belonged to my friend's older sister. I did my own hair and makeup. And I cried a little as I watched all the other girls take pictures with their moms. I really wish you could've been there. I would've loved for you to see how I looked and helped me get ready. It hurts to know that instead of helping me pick out a dress, you were probably picking out what alcohol to drink instead.

3. I graduated high school.

I actually did it. I didn't graduate at the top of my class, but I still did it. I didn't have you there to help me with my final essay of senior year. You weren't there to see me walk across that stage and get handed a diploma that I worked so hard for. There were so many days that I had to push myself to get up and go because I didn't have you there to get my butt up. You didn't get to see my walk out of that crappy high school and throw my cap up in the air. You were throwing pills back instead. But, graduating high school... That's a big thing for you to miss. Looking out into the crowd and not seeing you broke my heart.

4. I had to put off college.

Applying for financial aid isn't easy when you're considered homeless. You nor my dad would give me your personal information needed to apply for financial aid. So, while all my friends were picking out their dorms, I was picking out which work shirt I was going to wear the next day. I watched all of them post pictures as they headed to their first day of class while I was taking my first smoke break at work.

5. I did it all without you.

This isn't to shoot you down or to make you feel bad. But, I just want you to know how much I've done in my life without you. I want you to know about the times I needed you. You've missed a lot of important things in my life. Sadly, they're only important to me because we both know the pills are more important to you.

6. I forgive you.

You heard me. I forgive you. I understand that you're sick and no matter how hard I try, I can't fix you. I'm sorry for not understanding your disease. I know that deep down, you wanted to be my mom, but your addiction took over your life. Even though you haven't made my life easy and you've hurt me a lot, I still love you and you're still my mom. You will always be my mom. I hope you can get better so that we will, one day, have a good relationship. Again, I love you and just want you to get better so you can be the mom I need.