Vulnerability is a terrifying thing. It requires us to be honest with others and most importantly with ourselves.

For as long as I have lived, I have learned to be strong. But what does that really mean? What does it mean to have to courage, to be brave? What does it truly mean to be strong? I have always thought to be strong, meant to not show weaknesses, to show people that you were always in control.

When I was younger, I never like showing that I was weak. I always wanted it to seem like I had my whole life in control. I wanted to essentially be the perfect person. I wanted to have my grades under control, my social life under control, I wanted to keep myself in control. It was as if I was trying to make sure that I was a tamed human being. It wasn't even something that my parents tried to do; it was all me. I wanted to keep myself in check and make sure my life was always in my control. No one else's.

So, why was I so afraid of being out of control?

Well, it was because of exactly that. I was going to be out of control. As someone being somewhat of a control freak, that idea was absolutely frightening. I would have to let nature take its course or let God intervene, and that is even scarier. But I couldn't do that. That would be uncomfortable and who in their right mind says, "Yes! I am so in the mood to be uncomfortable!" I don't think I've ever heard that statement, but correct me if I'm wrong, if people enjoy being in an uncomfortable state.

So, I built walls. Because walls would make me feel safe, right? If I built walls then no one could get in and I would be able to protect myself. When people are let into your life then they hold something very special to you, your heart, but that also means that they have the potential to hurt you. They have the potential to hurt you very badly. They have the potential to take your heart and throw it away like a piece of garbage. They have the power to rip your heart to shreds, and the pain is not only metaphorical, but physical, as well. So, why would you want to let someone in who has the potential to hurt you?

I have learned recently that vulnerability does not make you weak. In fact, it does the opposite of that; it make you stronger. But why does it make you stronger? Vulnerability isn't crying during a sad movie or a romance novel. It isn't crying when you break a bone. Vulnerability requires you to acknowledge that which you are ashamed of. It makes you open up about the things you regret in life and would much rather not talk about. It makes you feel the pain once more that you felt so long ago. Vulnerability is bringing back the memories and feelings you may not want to relive. So, again why does being vulnerable make you strong?

In my opinion, it makes you strong because you are showing someone the scariest and most emotional portions of your life. It is being able to say, "Yes, this was awful. Yes, I am ashamed of it. But I am letting you into this part of my life because I care about you."

That right there takes real courage and bravery and strength. It is being able to acknowledge that pain by yourself, with your friend, with your family, with your significant other, with someone that you care about.

It isn't easy to relive memories, especially when they bring back pain. And it isn't any easier to relive those memories with another person. Vulnerability makes you strong because it isn't easy. Because it is one of the hardest things to do. And in a culture and society where vulnerability isn't encouraged, it makes it so much harder to be vulnerable.

But I am here to say that it is okay, in fact, it is good to be vulnerable. Do not be scared of that vulnerability. Being vulnerable is hard, it is painful, it hurts, but know that no one can ever tell you that your pain and your hurt and your memories and your feelings are invalid. To be strong means to be okay with vulnerability and to be okay with trusting others and yourself.