Here is where you will read my most subtly painful daily struggle turned into something cooler, called "swag." This is the story of having to walk past my ex's house everyday on the way to school for the last year and a half. It was this struggle that shape-shifted inspirational discomfort into theatrical action that was practiced enough to become fine-tuned into a fun game I still play to get over painful awkwardness of living near him. Here are some tips I found to be fierce and fabulous that make me feel good when I get up to walk by and inevitably see a ghost every once in a while. These always make me feel full of amusement, and I hope you live in your own swag and keep moving.
1. Walk on the opposite side of the street, and do not say hello from the other side.
2. Cross the street when you realize that your sexiness should not be deprived from anyone, even them.
NOTE: Strut foxy to hear your boots clamor and your sensual ensemble swish. Use those hips to tell a story of your rejuvenated sexuality. Mmm, it's delicious.
3. Plug in headphones and blast, “I don’t fuck with you!” while spinning invisible records in that tense break-up air and shouting sweet lyrics. Flip your hair millions of times until you're too dizzy to go to class.
4. Count how many clouds are in the sky that day while stroking your chin and saying, “Hmm” quite loudly. You are an intellect damn it and the clouds must be analyzed by your fruitful mind.
5. Think of eccentric stories to go with every passing facial expression. These could get wild and make you feel something pleasurable.
6. Look directly into their window and smile creepily. Show some teeth. Leave it there.
7. Turn your head the other way completely, as if you do not have a head at all. Ghost of partner’s past goes two ways, love boo boo boo.
8. Ignore their strange smirk when you accidentally lock eyes. Or make a scary face so they quickly retreat back into their cave.
9. Ask a beautiful stranger to propose to you right outside of their place, and turn them down.
10. Look down at the ground, walk fast, and practice step meditation because you're a boss.
11. Breathe deeper. It feels amazing.
12. Walk with a friend. Hold their hands! Kiss their cheeks! Love them!
13. Accept that it’s hard. Love yourself. Walk slower.
14. Catch a ride in a cool vehicle. Make it unique.
15. Forget that they exist until it's not painful anymore.
Swag. Heal. Repeat.
