Have you ever wanted to apologize, but you don't know how? Have you ever asked yourself why you even need to apologize because you did nothing wrong? Is it because you can't find the words you need to say so all you say is "I'm sorry," but all you feel like saying is "I hate this."
Empathy is one of the worst things in the world. When you can feel someone's pain but can't do a single thing about it. Feeling someone's frustration, depression, and sadness on a level which you can imagine being in their shoes.
They say that after empathy you're supposed to feel acceptance of the person's pain and frustration and try to move beyond it, and try to figure out what you can do to help beyond it. But, what if you can't even accept it? What if you don't even know how to move beyond it to help them? Or you do know how but you can't actually accomplish it, because you have to climb the ladder slowly instead of skipping to the top.
You don't have the means necessary to help them. You literally can't do a single thing. And then you feel worthless because you sit here privileged as all society tells you to be, but all you can think about is how you feel-- worthless. You feel worthless because you can't help the person you truly want to help. And then you get frustrated because they have real problems, real pain, real despair, a real reason to feel worthless, and here you are pretending that you feel worthless.
How can I have the arrogance to feel terrible just because other people have been dealt crappy cards, when those other people are the one's who have the crappy cards and are the one's who deserve to be upset?
Society is selfish. You are selfish. You made the issue about yourself when it's clearly, obviously, inevitably, not about you. How pathetic are you that you feel worthless for not being able to help somebody who feels worthless. You don't have a single problem in the world.
Why? Why were they dealt such a crappy hand by the world? They don't deserve it. Why have I been given such a great life? I don't deserve it. I don't understand why the world has chosen this outcome. Why I can't do anything to change it? What frustrates me those most is that I can literally not do a single thing to change anything. At least not yet. I don't have the means to do a single freaking thing.
Why can't I speed up the world and fast forward to when I matter and when I can be able to help. When do I get to stop thinking about things and start actually doing things? Why can't I skip to the part where I matter? Does that part even exist? Why do good people have to go through the worst?
I don't know what to do. I don't know what I can do. Please, what can I do to help? I'll do it in a heartbeat.
Why do I have to be stuck in the stage of following society and what they tell me to do because eventually I will get there? But eventually won't come soon enough. It'll be too late. Why does the world work like this. It's all backwards. The time that we want to do anything, the time that we need to do things, is not the time when we can. And the time that we can do things, accomplish things and help people, well it doesn't matter anymore.
I can't apologize enough for how frustrated I am. I can't apologize enough for what you have to go through. I can't. I can't help. I can't pretend that everything's going to be alright either. I can't. Actions speak louder than words. But all I have is empty words. Empty words don't help, so how can I convince you my words are filled.
Even if they were words still don't help. I can't do anything except apologize and realize my apology doesn't mean anything. It doesn't do anything. Why am I apologizing instead of freaking doing something, anything, to try and help?
