When we’re young, we grow to expect the loss of grandparents, of elderly neighbors, and of those who have lived long, full lives. However, we don’t expect to lose friends.
The loss of a friend is something I hoped I would never have to deal with, but in the last 4 years, I have been to the memorial services for two friends of mine, one who took her own life at 16 years old, and another whose life was taken from her by cancer at 20 years old.
In a moment, your entire life is changed, and the world doesn’t stop. You’re just left to make sense of the madness that you are now surrounded by, as the world continues to turn.
I expected to be miserable, to feel pain, to cry, and to yell. I couldn’t imagine how much I would learn from all of it.
Lesson 1: All of the emotions are okay.
The loss of a friend brought forth emotions I didn’t even know I had. Initially, I was shocked, confused, and heartbroken. I couldn’t fathom my new reality. When I could finally accept what had happened, I cried, a lot, I got angry, I yelled and screamed, and I let myself feel the pain.
It’s okay to cry and to yell, it’s okay to be confused and scared, and it’s even okay to be happy, especially when you look back on the memories. Every single one of us grieves differently and however you grieve, and whatever emotions you move through, it’s okay.
Lesson 2: Life is short.
Stop taking things for granted. Stop living in the past.
Life is so much shorter than any of us think it is. You always think that you will have another opportunity to say something, another opportunity to act…but that isn’t always true. So stop hesitating and stop waiting, life is short, and before you know it, your opportunity could be gone. Don’t think about the “maybes” and the “what ifs,” you can’t change the past, but you can change the future.
Lesson 3: Love is stronger.
Love is so much stronger than loss, pain, and grief.
Although the pain can be unimaginable, the sadness can be crushing, and the grief can seem to consume you, love is so much stronger. Family, friends, and your community are everything. When someone passes away, it is human nature for communities, families, and friends to come together. That support system is so important and so wonderful. Surviving the loss of anyone, especially someone young, requires support, and communities are awesome at that. The love of those who surround you will help you move forward, it will help you heal.
To those reading this who have lost a friend, know that you are not alone, they are always with you. And know that you can get through it. Lean on those who love you.
To everyone who may read this, please tell the people you love that you love them, catch up with an old friend whom you have lost contact with, and most importantly, do something good every day in memory of those who we have lost.
In loving memory of all the young souls that were taken before their time.
