It's a summer Friday night in Philadelphia and my friends and I are enjoying some cool drinks at Cavanaugh's River Deck. I shimmy my way through the crowd of dancing people towards the bar as I sip the last of my whiskey and ginger ale. I feel the thumping of the bass in my chest as a group of women whoop and holler as the DJ asks, "Where all the single ladies at?" I wait patiently at the bar within a sea of people trying to get the bartender's attention. The music and chatter buzzes in my ears. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice a guy standing next to me trying to get my attention. I look over at him and realize he has been trying to talk to me. "Wait, what?" I shout. He yells something louder, but I cannot hear him because of the blur of sound dancing in my ears. I asked him to repeat himself again. He narrows his eyes at me, and with a look of disgust, he walks away. Unfortunately, for 48 million Americans and myself, we have experienced situations similar to this because of our hearing challenges.
It is a common misconception that hearing challenges are something people are born with. While it is true many individuals are born with hearing challenges or deafness, 2 to 3 out of 1,000 births to be exact, people can develop hearing challenges over time throughout any point in their lives. My dad's hearing has been on a steady decline his entire life. Hearing issues run in my family and in the past few years, I've noticed my own hearing to not be what it once was.
Think of the hearing loss spectrum as walking through a pool. The deeper into the pool you go, the more distant and garbled sounds are. Hearing loss is categorized into four categories: mild, moderate, severe, and profound. An individual with mild hearing loss may have difficulty hearing soft voices, speakers at a distance, or understanding conversations while in noisy environments. Moderate hearing loss makes conversations in quiet environments difficult to hear and speech may need to be loud. Severe hearing loss makes hearing difficult in all situations. Lastly, people with profound hearing loss may not hear loud speech or sounds at all. People with profound hearing loss rely on other forms of communication. My father falls into the two latter categories. I truly didn't understand how frustrating it was to have severe hearing loss until my dad showed me a simulation of what it's like to have hearing loss.
Although the jump from normal hearing to a mild hearing loss isn't that big, it has proven to be a challenge in my everyday life. I have both missed and have gotten on the wrong trains due to my inability to hear the announcements. In commuting back and forth to school, I take SEPTA Regional Rail to my dad's house. One afternoon, I took the train from a different location. The station was bustling with business professionals rushing to make their trains and inaudible announcements were being dictated over a PA system. A train pulled into the station and I strained my eyes to check whether it was an express or local train. I approached a conductor as he stepped onto the platform. "Is this train going to Narberth?" I asked. The conductor stared at me and groaned. "Maybe you should pay attention to the announcements rather than listen to your music," as he pointed to my white headphones around my neck. "You're a Temple student, aren't you supposed to be smart?" His words stung as he stepped back onto the train and closed the doors. That was, in fact, my train and I was late to dinner.
I've been called rude because I wasn't "listening" to someone when they spoke. I was sitting at my desk at work, scrolling through different articles, patiently waiting for the clock to turn five. A woman walked by me and went into the back to speak with my coworkers. I checked the clock. Three minutes had passed since I last checked the time. "EX-CA-USE ME. I'm talking to you!" The woman had returned and was standing 10 feet away from me. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you." I said. The woman launched into a rant about how "kids today are so self-absorbed and they don't care about anyone but themselves." Another woman in the office nodded in a disappointing approval and said "I know that's right." My ears burned as I apologized again.
I've had people become frustrated and annoyed with me because I've asked them to repeat what they said. Worst of all, I've had people persecute me for repeating what I think they said, having it totally wrong. During my freshman year of college, I had a classmate say to me "Oh my God, you say the stupidest things. I'll say one thing and you hear something totally different. It's like, so annoying." When my classmate said that to me, my friends laughed. I was mortified. It hurt. Hearing challenges aren't only frustrating for the people trying to communicate, but they are also frustrating for the individuals trying to hear. People with hearing challenges aren't trying to be funny in saying things in response to what they think they heard.
"Walk on my good side," my dad always says to people. He has profound hearing loss in his right ear and severe hearing loss in his left ear. On top of having hearing loss, my dad also has Tinnitus, a condition which causes people to have constant ringing or buzzing in their ears. I also have the fantastic fortune of having Tinnitus. Often times, day to day sounds can drown out the piercing tones I hear. However, I have no idea what it's like to experience complete silence.
People with hearing challenges, like my dad, struggle on a day-to-day basis in order to communicate with the rest of the hearing world. In order to communicate and interact with the hearing world, he utilizes all the available tools as often as possible such as, subtitles when watching TV, special headsets for the phone, and special transmitters/receivers that transmit the speaker's voice to his hearing aid during conferences and meetings. Often times when we go out together to run errands or go to restaurants, I serve as his ears. We both lean in with our good ears turned towards the person speaking and carefully watch their lips as they move.
Hearing challenges are often overlooked or forgotten about because it is a medical condition that does not have visible indicators at first glance. It's an understood social norm that when you see a person in a wheelchair or a long white cane, you move out of the way in order to allow them to maneuver smoothly. When a child has a learning challenge that prevents them from learning like the rest of the children, extra care and attention is given to that student. When a person has hearing challenge, they are criticized for not being able to hear. They are thought of as dumb because they struggle to hear and understand things the first time they're said. This doesn't make sense to me.
Rachel Kolb in her TEDx Talk entitled "Navigating Deafness in a Hearing World" stated, "Society has a tendency to focus on disability rather than ability." Rather than take the time and patience to explain something more clearly and thoroughly to people like my dad and me, people focus on the fact that we do not communicate exactly like the rest of the world.
My dad and I were ordering food at a crowded restaurant. The waitress was giving us the rundown of specials the restaurant was offering that evening. My dad gave me "the look" and I could tell he couldn't hear what she was saying. I turned my left ear towards her and leaned in to hear. After ordering our food, she asked my dad about dressings for his salad. "What kind of dressing do you want?" My dad turned to her and apologized, "I'm sorry, I'm very hard-of-hearing. Would you mind repeating what you have?" I held my breath in anticipation of her reaction. The waitress smiled, leaned closer, raised her voice a little and said, "Oh that's no problem at all!" and repeated herself in a way my dad could hear.
Rachel Kolb said "Let's resist the temptation to classify other people based on their disabilities or challenges. Let's focus on their abilities instead. Let's focus on helping them realize those abilities - even when it means doing something different." Perhaps the next time someone tells you of their hearing challenges, you'll remember Rachel's words. Take a breath and have some patience.
