I have lived my entire life in fear of vulnerability. More specifically, I cringe at the idea of romantic vulnerability. When it comes to family and friendships, I am the first to let those sky-high walls down and be willing to open up -- okay, maybe not quite that willing, but at least I don’t physically shut down when they ask me what’s wrong. When it comes to relationships, though, I feel incapable of displaying any type of vulnerability.

I have come to realize that, for me, vulnerability involves giving someone else the power to make me feel which makes me crazy uncomfortable. That sounds bizarre -- I know. I mean strangers on the sidewalk have the power to make you smile or put you in a bad mood for the rest of the day so why should I be shocked and dismayed when a boy does. It’s natural to react to others; people make people feel. For me, though, it means so much more. I have become completely comfortable being independently happy and the thought of my joy relying on anything other than me frankly freaks me out.

Being fiercely independent with authority issues and a tendency to loath vulnerability sure makes me a candidate for Best Future Girlfriend of the Year, I know. All of these qualities make me a great lawyer or student or citizen of the world, but it causes a lot of problems when a boy comes into the picture.

Right, when I thought I was quite literally incapable of even entertaining the idea of a relationship someone told me something that changed my outlook on vulnerability.

When it’s the right person, a relationship won’t make you feel like you are losing anything.

I won’t feel like I am sacrificing my independence. I won’t get defensive when there is an equal compromise. I won't feel like being vulnerable is a bad thing.

And something else I won't do is change. While I can work on my day to day struggles with vulnerability, I don't think I should and will not force myself to become something I'm not. I will always have (what I like to think are healthy) authority issues. I will always be independent by nature. I will always question compromise and make an intentional sacrifice.

Instead of dreading the thought of sacrificing who I am because of a relationship, I will simply wait for the person who won't make me.