September 23, 2016, is bisexual visibility day; let me tell you why that is important to me.
On July 1, 2015, I came out to my parents as bisexual.
On July 5, 2015, I came out on social media.
One year later I am still, on occasion, “coming out” to people who just didn't know, and I don't get annoyed or angry, because to me saying, “I'm bisexual” is the same as me saying, “my favorite color is gray.” The only difference between the two is that people don't usually ask, “are you sure you like gray?” “Is that even possible?” “Are you sure you aren't just liking the color gray because its trendy right now?” “I mean, I know you say you like gray, but I've never actually met someone who says they like gray, so how does that work?”
Now, I realize that sometimes they are genuinely curious, so I try to respectfully answer their questions. But it's still discouraging to think that so many people don't understand that my feelings aren't made up and that they are as valid as theirs.
So in preparation for one of my favorite days of the year, I decided to create a survey with an open answer text box and one question: What is the first thing you think of when you hear the term bisexual?
I posted the survey on my private Facebook page and on a Tinder account that I made specifically for the purpose of this article, because I figured I would receive more honest answers from there.
Once I closed the survey, I split the answers into six categories:
- Attracted to both men and women
- Sex and threesomes
- Fake or confused
- Open minded
- Offensive
- Other*
*Most of what filled “other” were random answers that had nothing to do with the topic but for the sake of statistics I still had to include them, and everything else somehow fell into the other categories.
The feedback I received was bittersweet; out of the 70 responses I received, 21 people thought of Bisexuals as people who are attracted to men and women, 11 people said they were open minded, but there were still those 38 other people who answered differently. I was glad that it was the largest piece on the pie chart, but it was still disappointing that more than half of the people who responded viewed bisexuality as something negative, rather than something positive or normal.
So many times bisexuals fade into the background because they fall into their own unique category. They don't fit with heterosexual people because they also like the same sex, and they don't fit in with the homosexual people because they also like the opposite sex. Some lesbians won't date bisexuals because they're “dirty,” and some guys like dating or hooking up with bisexuals because they think they're easy and have threesomes all the time (which is so not true!) Those examples are just part of the many reasons why Bisexual Visibility Day is so important.
When I came out, I was fortunate; my parents told me that they loved me and my friends were thrilled, but it was only a few months after that that I felt like my sexuality was something forgotten. Like when a guy comes out as gay, friends try to introduce him to their other gay friend, or when a girl comes out as a lesbian, her friends try to set her up with another girl or guys will talk with her about girls because she gets it. It felt like I had to casually, consistently remind people that I wasn't just interested in guys. I actually had one friend totally forget that I was bisexual. It wasn't the biggest deal, but I couldn't help wondering if they would have forgotten if I had come out as a lesbian instead of bisexual.
So on September 23, 2016, help make bisexuals visible. Help the B in LGBT stand for something. Post on Facebook, compose a tweet on the Twittersphere, plaster Instagram with pink, blue, and purple and help your bisexual family member(s), bisexual friends, bisexual friends of friends, and bisexual people you don't even know, not feel like they're invisible for this one day out of the year. If you know someone who is bisexual, call them and congratulate them on being themselves and living authentically. If you know someone who is closeted (bisexual or not), send them some encouraging words of affirmation that you see them and their feelings (though private) are valid and wonderful.
Now, I'm not saying I'll be decked out in my pink, blue, and purple with some glitter to match, but I'm not saying that I won't be.
Because I am visible, and you are too, and nothing and no one will change that.
