Over the past year I have heard quite a bit about Slut Shaming. Mostly it has been talked about because a lot of women feel that they are being judged on how many people they sleep with or the way in which they choose to present themselves; i.e. how they dress, what they say and how they act. They are ridiculed for their sexual habits and have risen up to say "stop judging us, it's 2016 and everyone is having sex." But really not everyone is having sex. In fact some women choose specifically not to have sex and the backlash that those people receive is just as offensive as the so called "slut-shaming." These judgments on the opposite side I have specifically dubbed "virgin-shaming".
First I would like to say that I agree that slut shaming is wrong. I generally never think that it is acceptable to judge and insult someone on the way in which they choose to live because it is not my place. I think that it is quite ironic however when I talk to people who advocate for the termination of slut shaming actually then go on to shame virgins. "That's impossible" they say. "It's the 21st century, just have sex, it's no big deal." And my personal favorite: "Good luck finding someone who is a virgin too."
They talk about being a virgin like it's old-fashioned and outdated or even call it "bullshit". To quote from a recent article titled "Slut Shaming Needs To End" on Odyssey: "We must save ourselves for the perfect man who will love us for who we are and he will be the only man we sleep with for the rest of our lives.The thing is though, we are finally starting to realize that this is bullshit." She states that we should tolerate and even encourage sleeping around. Then she goes on to shame virgins because "women should be free to do what they want" insinuating that being a virgin is a principle of the past, not relevant to today's standards.
It's a double standard. I'm not allowed to judge you for having sex but you are allowed to judge me for not having sex.A lot of the complaints women have about slut shaming are the sexual harassment they claim to experience when going out in public and wearing clothes that show off their body. I wonder if they know that even women wearing clothes that cover every inch of their body also get sexually harassed. I wonder if they understand that they aren't the only ones being pressured into sex. In a very real sense these two types of women I am describing experience a lot of the same things. Yet for some reason most women would prefer to be called a "slut" over a "virgin".
What's the first thing you think of when you hear the word "virgin"? Do you imagine a string bean geek with a curly fro and coke bottle glasses? Or worse: do you imagine an angelic figure dressed in all white with a glowing halo over their head?I have a friend who is 18, ready to go to college and scared because she doesn't want people to know that she is a virgin. That is the problem. She is ashamed of the very idea. Ashamed! That boggles my mind. Her purity is looked at like a cold-sore: highly treatable and something that needs to leave as soon as possible. Maybe she wouldn't feel ashamed if the people who preached the wrongs of slut shaming actually followed their own advice; if you believe that someone shouldn't be judged from their sex life then don't judge someone from their sex life. It's the hypocrisy of it all that really gets me.
Not enough is being said about the minority who is waiting till marriage. In fact the very idea of being a virgin is thought of as rare and interesting enough to make a television show out of, i.e. Jane The Virgin. What this does is ostracize a group of people (specifically women) to think that they are outdated, ignorant and abnormal. I challenge those people who are advocating for the freedom of sexual promiscuity to not put down women who are choosing to stay pure in the process. Instead, let us teach young women how very important sex is. Let's teach them how to respect one another and how to respect themselves.
