As it may go without saying, the Internet can be a very strange, frightening, and sometimes confusingly erotic place. It takes only a cursory knowledge of online culture to understand the dangers of reckless late-night googling. At worst, you'll have the FBI busting down your front door and bursting in through your windows because of a careless typo you made while searching “sweet baby corn.” At slightly less worst, you'll incidentally stumble upon a video like “I Feel Fantastic” and wind up forever despising technology as a whole.
“I Feel Fantastic” was first uploaded to YouTube in April of 2009 by the user Creepyblog, and has since then made its presence known in virtually every horror community on the Web. Enthusiasts of such content may be tired of hearing about this particular nugget of damnation, but to those who've never heard of it, well, here's the big skinny.
The video stars a tall, dolled-up, blonde-wigged, rubber-faced android woman named Tara who's standing in a living room fitfully sized for a hobbit while tethered to the wall by an intestine of multicolored wires. Her body is plastic and rigid like a giant Stephen King Barbie doll, and she's wearing a homely sweater that gives off the unconvincing impression of personability. Seconds into watching the video, you may find your ears and perhaps, if your soul is especially tainted, other orifices inexplicably starting to bleed. If not, you're either blessed, deaf, or have your volume down too low. Tara sings the lyrics “I feel fantastic, hey, hey, hey” with the grace of a lobotomized Siri over the dying, sputtering groans of a 1980's Casio keyboard. Her lips part and shut ever so slightly in sync with her voice, and her head and arm twist and lift in a futile attempt to emulate life.
Around the one-minute mark, after asking you to "Please leave" and "Run, run, run, run," the video cuts to Tara assuming a 'lax' pose on the floor, now completely dressed in black. There's a hiatus in her singing, which should be a good thing, but isn't, because she's still on the screen, existing.
Then the shot flips upside down, and the carpet of the room is suddenly smothered in what looks like MS Paint snow.
Shortly afterward, the camera cuts to a large mass of leaves in what is presumably a backyard bordered by a woodland. The camera zooms in on the leaves, holds, then quickly zooms back out. Nothing terrifying; just a fun little clue for the police.
By the end of the video, the camera has cut back to the living room, where Tara, now again in her clothes from the beginning, has recommenced her solo piece for Satan, for whom she will continue to sing to for the rest of eternity.
Now, before you change your pants and go rushing to the phone to tip the authorities off, you first ought to know that, A, someone has already beaten you to it, and B, Tara is not the twisted contraption of a serial killer, but rather the twisted contraption of a Swedish robotics technician named John Bergeron. Bergeron first constructed Tara in the early 2000s with the humble intention of wedding his passions for cacophonies and freaky human facsimiles. “I Feel Fantastic” is only one of several 'music' videos starring the undisputed queen of the uncanny valley, whom Bergeron had hopes of propelling into national bastard-Terminator superstardom (and has in a way succeeded). His website for Tara, Android Music Videos, was hosted on Geocities up until Yahoo's discontinuation of the service in the United States in 2009, though the last time Android Music Videos had been updated before that point was in February of 2006. The original version of “I Feel Fantastic” is apparently 15 minutes long, and amply confirms why therapy should be a requirement for all mechanical engineering graduates.
As of the posting of this article, a mirror of Android Music Videos is active. Visit it if you dare: http://www.geocities.ws/androidmusicvideos/
Tara is also featured on the 90s-as-hell website Android World: http://www.androidworld.com/prod10.htm
Credit to Blumhouse for providing information on Bergeron: http://www.blumhouse.com/2016/04/12/i-feel-fantast...
And of course, the unholy video itself (credit to Creepyblog):
And if you really hate yourself, the 15-minute version (credit to Ejaculation Plan, which these videos are anything but):
Sweet dreams.
