Videos On The Internet That Shouldn't Exist: "I Feel Fantastic"

Videos On The Internet That Shouldn't Exist: "I Feel Fantastic"

Plastic isn't always fantastic.

As it may go without saying, the Internet can be a very strange, frightening, and sometimes confusingly erotic place. It takes only a cursory knowledge of online culture to understand the dangers of reckless late-night googling. At worst, you'll have the FBI busting down your front door and bursting in through your windows because of a careless typo you made while searching “sweet baby corn.” At slightly less worst, you'll incidentally stumble upon a video like “I Feel Fantastic” and wind up forever despising technology as a whole.

“I Feel Fantastic” was first uploaded to YouTube in April of 2009 by the user Creepyblog, and has since then made its presence known in virtually every horror community on the Web. Enthusiasts of such content may be tired of hearing about this particular nugget of damnation, but to those who've never heard of it, well, here's the big skinny.

The video stars a tall, dolled-up, blonde-wigged, rubber-faced android woman named Tara who's standing in a living room fitfully sized for a hobbit while tethered to the wall by an intestine of multicolored wires. Her body is plastic and rigid like a giant Stephen King Barbie doll, and she's wearing a homely sweater that gives off the unconvincing impression of personability. Seconds into watching the video, you may find your ears and perhaps, if your soul is especially tainted, other orifices inexplicably starting to bleed. If not, you're either blessed, deaf, or have your volume down too low. Tara sings the lyrics “I feel fantastic, hey, hey, hey” with the grace of a lobotomized Siri over the dying, sputtering groans of a 1980's Casio keyboard. Her lips part and shut ever so slightly in sync with her voice, and her head and arm twist and lift in a futile attempt to emulate life.

Around the one-minute mark, after asking you to "Please leave" and "Run, run, run, run," the video cuts to Tara assuming a 'lax' pose on the floor, now completely dressed in black. There's a hiatus in her singing, which should be a good thing, but isn't, because she's still on the screen, existing.

Then the shot flips upside down, and the carpet of the room is suddenly smothered in what looks like MS Paint snow.

Shortly afterward, the camera cuts to a large mass of leaves in what is presumably a backyard bordered by a woodland. The camera zooms in on the leaves, holds, then quickly zooms back out. Nothing terrifying; just a fun little clue for the police.

By the end of the video, the camera has cut back to the living room, where Tara, now again in her clothes from the beginning, has recommenced her solo piece for Satan, for whom she will continue to sing to for the rest of eternity.

Now, before you change your pants and go rushing to the phone to tip the authorities off, you first ought to know that, A, someone has already beaten you to it, and B, Tara is not the twisted contraption of a serial killer, but rather the twisted contraption of a Swedish robotics technician named John Bergeron. Bergeron first constructed Tara in the early 2000s with the humble intention of wedding his passions for cacophonies and freaky human facsimiles. “I Feel Fantastic” is only one of several 'music' videos starring the undisputed queen of the uncanny valley, whom Bergeron had hopes of propelling into national bastard-Terminator superstardom (and has in a way succeeded). His website for Tara, Android Music Videos, was hosted on Geocities up until Yahoo's discontinuation of the service in the United States in 2009, though the last time Android Music Videos had been updated before that point was in February of 2006. The original version of “I Feel Fantastic” is apparently 15 minutes long, and amply confirms why therapy should be a requirement for all mechanical engineering graduates.

As of the posting of this article, a mirror of Android Music Videos is active. Visit it if you dare:

Tara is also featured on the 90s-as-hell website Android World:

Credit to Blumhouse for providing information on Bergeron:

And of course, the unholy video itself (credit to Creepyblog):

And if you really hate yourself, the 15-minute version (credit to Ejaculation Plan, which these videos are anything but):

Sweet dreams.

Cover Image Credit: YouTube

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50 Quotes from the Best Vines

If you're picturing the vines in your head, you're doing it right

In 2017 we had to say goodbye to one of the best websites to ever roam the internet: Vine. In case you have been living under a rock since 2013, Vine was -(sad face)- a website and app that took the internet and the app store by storm in Winter 2013. It contained 6-second videos that were mostly comedy- but there were other genres including music, sports, cool tricks and different trends. Vine stars would get together and plan out a vine and film it till they got it right.

It was owned by Twitter and it was shut down because of so many reasons; the viners were leaving and making money from Youtube, there was simply no money in it and Twitter wanted us to suffer.

There's been a ton of threads on Twitter of everyone's favorite vines so I thought I'd jump in and share some of my favorites. So without further ado, here are some quotes of vines that most vine fanatics would know.

1. "AHH...Stahhp. I coulda dropped mah croissant"

2. "Nate how are those chicken strips?" "F%#K YA CHICKEN STRIPS.....F%#K ya chicken strips!"

3. "Road work ahead? Uh Yea, I sure hope it does"

4. "Happy Crimus...." "It's crismun..." "Merry crisis" "Merry chrysler"

5. "...Hi Welcome to Chili's"

6. "HoW dO yOu kNoW wHaT's gOoD fOr mE?" "THAT'S MY OPINIONNN!!!.."

7."Welcome to Bible Study. We're all children of Jesus... Kumbaya my looordd"

8. Hi my name's Trey, I have a basketball game tomorrow. Well I'm a point guard, I got shoe game..."

9. "It's a avocadooo...thanks"

10. "Yo how much money do you have?" "69 cents" "AYE you know what that means?" "I don't have enough money for chicken nuggets"

11. "Hurricane Katrina? More like Hurricane Tortilla."

12. "Hey Tara you want some?" "This b*%th empty. YEET!"

13. "Get to Del Taco. They got a new thing called Freesha-- Free-- Freeshavaca do"

14. "Mothertrucker dude that hurt like a buttcheek on a stick"

15. "Two brooss chillin in a hot tub 5 feet apart cuz they're not gay"

16. "Jared can you read number 23 for the class?" "No I cannot.... What up I'm Jared, I'm 19 and I never f#@%in learned how to read."

17. "Not to be racist or anything but Asian people SSUUGHHH"

18. 18. "I wanna be a cowboy baby... I wanna be a cowboy baby"

19. "Hey, I'm lesbian" "I thought you were American"

20. "I spilled lipstick in your Valentino bag" "you spilled- whaghwhha- lipstick in my Valentino White bag?"

21. "What's better than this? Guys bein dudes"

22. "How'd you get these bumps? ya got eggzma?" "I got what?" "You got eggzma?"

23. "WHAT ARE THOSEEEEE?" "THEY are my crocs!"

24. "Can I get a waffle? Can I please get a waffle?"

25. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAVEN!" "I can't sweem"

26. "Say Coloradoo" "I'M A GIRAFFE!!"

27. "How much did you pay for that taco?" Aight yo you know this boys got his free tacoo"

28. *Birds chirping* "Tweekle Tweekle"

29. "Girl, you're thicker than a bowl of oatmeal"

30. "I brought you Frankincense" "Thank you" "I brought you Myrrh" "Thank you" "Mur-dur" ""

31. "Sleep? I don't know about's summertime" "You ain't go to bed?" "Oh she caught me"

32. "All I wanna tell you is school's not important... Be whatever you wanna be. If you wanna be a dog...RUFF. You know?"33. "Oh I like ya accent where you from?" "I'm Liberian" "Oh, my bad *whispering* I like your accent..."

34. "Next Please" "Hello" "Sir, this is a mug shot" "A mug shot? I don't even drink coffee"

35. "Hey did you happen to go to class last week?" "I have never missed a class"

36. "Go ahead and introduce yourselves" "My name is Michael with a B and I've been afraid of insects my entire-" "Stop, stop, stop. Where?" "Hmm?" "Where's the B?" "There's a bee?"

37. "There's only one thing worse than a rapist...Boom" "A child" "No"

38. "Later mom. What's up me and my boys are going to see Uncle Kracker...GIVE ME MY HAT BACK JORDAN! DO YOU WANNA SEE UNCLE KRACKER OR NO?

39. "Dad look, it's the good kush." This is the dollar store, how good can it be?"

40. "Zach stop...Zach stop...You're gonna get in trouble. Zach"

41. "CHRIS! Is that a weed? "No this is a crayon-" I'm calling the police" *puts 911 into microwave* "911 what's your emergency"

42. "WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? "

43. *Blowing vape on table* * cameraman blows it away* "ADAM"

44. "Would you like the spider in your hand?" "Yea" "Say please" "Please" *puts spider in hand* *screams*

45. "Oh hi, thanks for checking in I'm still a piece of garrbaagge"

46. *girl blows vape* "...WoW"

47. *running* "...Daddy?" "Do I look like-?"

48. *Pours water onto girl's face" "Hello?"

49. "Wait oh yes wait a minute Mr. Postman" "HaaaAHH"

50. "...And they were roommates" "Mah God they were roommates"

I could literally go on forever because I just reference vines on a daily basis. Rest in peace Vine

Cover Image Credit: Vine

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5 Cheap Summer Concerts That Are Worth The Trip To Camden, NJ

Nothing like a good outdoor concert to cure any "summertime sadness!"

Well, y'all, it's finally here. Summer. And that means that one of my favorite past-times is back in season -- outdoor concerts. Now, I've only been to a handful, mostly with my family, but outdoor concerts have the potential to be the most fun that you'll have the whole summer! As a West Chester resident, there aren't too many venues that hold outdoor concerts near us, but the BB&T Pavilion in Camden, New Jersey is one of the best, especially with their impressively cheap selection of lawn seats (my personal favorite seating for any concert). And this summer, BB&T has some impressive names performing. With over 35 performances set for before August's end, I took the liberty of compiling the top five performing in Camden that you will not want to miss this summer, especially not at these prices!

1. The Adventures of Kesha and Macklemore.

Who: Kesha, Macklemore, Wes Period

When: Wednesday, July 25, 7 pm

Price: Starting at $30.50/ticket

2. Wiz Khalifa and Rae Sremmurd: Dazed and Blazed Tour.

Who: Wiz Khalifa, Rae Sremmurd, Lil Skies, O.t. Genasis

When: Friday, August 8, 6 pm

Price: Starting at $29.50/ticket

3. Logic Presents: Bobby Tarantino vs. Everybody Tour with NF and Kyle.

Who: Logic, NF, Kyle

When: Wednesday, June 13, 7 pm

Price: Starting at $21-22/ticket

4. 2018 Honda Civic Tour presents Charlie Puth Voicenotes.

Who: Charlie Puth, Hailee Steinfeld

When: Tuesday, July 24, 7:30 pm

Price: Starting at $25/ticket

5. Weezer / Pixies.

Who: Weezer, Pixies, Sleigh Bells

When: Saturday, July 21, 7:30 pm

Price: Starting at $25/ticket

If anyone needs me, you know where I'll be all summer!

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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