Videos On The Internet That Shouldn't Exist: "I Feel Fantastic"

Videos On The Internet That Shouldn't Exist: "I Feel Fantastic"

Plastic isn't always fantastic.

As it may go without saying, the Internet can be a very strange, frightening, and sometimes confusingly erotic place. It takes only a cursory knowledge of online culture to understand the dangers of reckless late-night googling. At worst, you'll have the FBI busting down your front door and bursting in through your windows because of a careless typo you made while searching “sweet baby corn.” At slightly less worst, you'll incidentally stumble upon a video like “I Feel Fantastic” and wind up forever despising technology as a whole.

“I Feel Fantastic” was first uploaded to YouTube in April of 2009 by the user Creepyblog, and has since then made its presence known in virtually every horror community on the Web. Enthusiasts of such content may be tired of hearing about this particular nugget of damnation, but to those who've never heard of it, well, here's the big skinny.

The video stars a tall, dolled-up, blonde-wigged, rubber-faced android woman named Tara who's standing in a living room fitfully sized for a hobbit while tethered to the wall by an intestine of multicolored wires. Her body is plastic and rigid like a giant Stephen King Barbie doll, and she's wearing a homely sweater that gives off the unconvincing impression of personability. Seconds into watching the video, you may find your ears and perhaps, if your soul is especially tainted, other orifices inexplicably starting to bleed. If not, you're either blessed, deaf, or have your volume down too low. Tara sings the lyrics “I feel fantastic, hey, hey, hey” with the grace of a lobotomized Siri over the dying, sputtering groans of a 1980's Casio keyboard. Her lips part and shut ever so slightly in sync with her voice, and her head and arm twist and lift in a futile attempt to emulate life.

Around the one-minute mark, after asking you to "Please leave" and "Run, run, run, run," the video cuts to Tara assuming a 'lax' pose on the floor, now completely dressed in black. There's a hiatus in her singing, which should be a good thing, but isn't, because she's still on the screen, existing.

Then the shot flips upside down, and the carpet of the room is suddenly smothered in what looks like MS Paint snow.

Shortly afterward, the camera cuts to a large mass of leaves in what is presumably a backyard bordered by a woodland. The camera zooms in on the leaves, holds, then quickly zooms back out. Nothing terrifying; just a fun little clue for the police.

By the end of the video, the camera has cut back to the living room, where Tara, now again in her clothes from the beginning, has recommenced her solo piece for Satan, for whom she will continue to sing to for the rest of eternity.

Now, before you change your pants and go rushing to the phone to tip the authorities off, you first ought to know that, A, someone has already beaten you to it, and B, Tara is not the twisted contraption of a serial killer, but rather the twisted contraption of a Swedish robotics technician named John Bergeron. Bergeron first constructed Tara in the early 2000s with the humble intention of wedding his passions for cacophonies and freaky human facsimiles. “I Feel Fantastic” is only one of several 'music' videos starring the undisputed queen of the uncanny valley, whom Bergeron had hopes of propelling into national bastard-Terminator superstardom (and has in a way succeeded). His website for Tara, Android Music Videos, was hosted on Geocities up until Yahoo's discontinuation of the service in the United States in 2009, though the last time Android Music Videos had been updated before that point was in February of 2006. The original version of “I Feel Fantastic” is apparently 15 minutes long, and amply confirms why therapy should be a requirement for all mechanical engineering graduates.

As of the posting of this article, a mirror of Android Music Videos is active. Visit it if you dare:

Tara is also featured on the 90s-as-hell website Android World:

Credit to Blumhouse for providing information on Bergeron:

And of course, the unholy video itself (credit to Creepyblog):

And if you really hate yourself, the 15-minute version (credit to Ejaculation Plan, which these videos are anything but):

Sweet dreams.

Cover Image Credit: YouTube

Popular Right Now

80 Nicki Minaj Lyrics Perfect For Instagram Captions

"Yo, you seen my last pic, go double-tap that for me."

Nicki Minaj lets the world know about her amazing Instagram skills in Beyonce's "Flawless," when she raps "Instagram another flawless pic." Do you have a #Flawless Instagram picture but need a clever caption to go with it? The Queen of Rap has plenty of Insta-worthy song lyrics.

*(Some lyrics have been edited to keep this article "PG". Feel free to look up the real Nicki Minaj lyrics if you hate the radio edit.)

When you want to diss a hater:

    1. "You couldn't get a fan if it was hangin' from the ceilin."
    2. "I'm throwing shade like it's sunny."
    3. "I'm in my own lane, you ain't in my category."
    4. "These (girls) couldn’t test me even if their name was Pop Quiz."
    5. "Yo, people will love you and support you when it's beneficial. I'ma forgive, I won't forget, but I'ma dead the issue."
    6. "Not that I don't got good vision, but I don't see competition."
    7. "I’m Angelina, you Jennifer. Come on (girl), you see where Brad at."
    8. "I look like "yes" and you look like "no"."
    9. "But if you're ugly it's a no text zone."
    10. "If you are my rival, then that means you're suicidal."
    11. "Shout out to my haters, Sorry that you couldn't faze me."
    12. "Trash talk to 'em then I put 'em in a Hefty."
    13. "Like I mean I don't even know why you girls bother at this point. Like give up, it's me, I win, you lose."
    14. "All these haters mad because I'm so established."
    15. "Competition? why yes I would love some."

When you want to tell people how awesome you are:

    16. "If I'm fake I ain't notice, cause my money ain't."
    17. "You can hate me, but why knock my hustle? I'ma be the queen, no matter how they shuffle."
    18. "Let me make this clear, I’m not difficult, I’m just ’bout my business."
    19. "I'm feelin' myself."
    20. "Excuse me honey, but nobody's in my lane."
    21. "Put me on a dollar cause I'm who they trust in."
    22. "I don’t say “Hi”, I say “Keys to the Benz.”"
    23. "I've been hot since flip phones" "Running this game for 5 years. Guess that's why my feet hurt."
    24. "Hotter than a middle eastern climate."
    25. "My money’s so tall that my Barbies gotta climb it."
    26. "No, I'm not lucky, I'm blessed, yes."
    27."I ain't gotta compete with a single soul."
    28. "'X' in the box, cause ain't nobody checking me."
    29."Excuse me, I'm sorry, I'm really such a lady."
    30. "Honestly I gotta stay as fly as I can be."

When you're hanging with your clique:

    31. "Cherish these nights, cherish these people. Life is a movie, but there will never be a sequel."
    32. "I’m with some hood girls lookin’ back at it."
    33. "We dope girls, we flawless. We the poster girls for all this."
    34. "Pretty gang, always keep them (boys) on geek."
    35. "The night is still young, and so are we!"
    36. "If you ain’t on the team, you playin’ for team D, ’Cause we A-listers, we paid sisters."
    37. "Pretty (girls) only could get in my posse."
    38. "Cause we the mean girls, y-yes we so fetch."
    39. "We fresh to death, down to the shoes."
    40. "Ain't at no wedding but all my girls cake tops."
    41. "Got a whole bunch of pretty gang in my clique."
    42. "Clap for the heavyweight champ, me, But I couldn't do it all alone, WE."
    43. "Put your drinks up, It's a celebration every time we link up."
    44. "I'm with some flawless (girls) because they be mobbin' pretty."

When you're hanging with your significant other:

    45. "He tryna kick it like a ninja."
    46. "He could tell that I was wifey material."
    47. "Ayo, I just wanna be your first go to."
    48. "You got spark, you, you got spunk. You, you got something all the girls want."
    49. Find me in the dark, I'll be in the stars, Find me in your heart, I'm in need of your love."
    50. "They holler at me, but it's you, you."
    51. "I'm not living right, I’m not living if you’re not by my side."
    52. "I just wanna be somebody that can add to, your wife, be a friend, be a teacher and a fan, too."
    53. "I just wanna be your favorite."
    54. "He was the realest, I was the baddest, we was the illest."
    55. "I know you can save me and make me feel alive."
    56. "Yes I'll be your girl, forever your lady, You ain't ever gotta worry, I'm down for you baby."
    57. "Baby you my everything, You all I ever wanted."

When you're single and loving it:

    58. "You could be the king, but watch the queen conquer!"
    59. "Thats why I'm crowned queen, and I ain't looking for the prom king."
    60. "I like independent, like July 4th."
    61. "I ain't never need a man, to take care of me."
    62. "He be like, "Yo, you so legendary", But he can tell just by my face he ain't getting any."
    63. "I am not Jasmine, I am Aladdin."
    64. "I don't even brake when I'm backing up, I'll swerve on a (boy) if he acting up."
    65. "So many boys in here where do I begin?"

When you're just living life:

    66. "I never worry, life is a journey. I just wanna enjoy the ride."
    67. "Tonight is the night that I'ma get twisted."
    68. "I’mma keep it movin', be classy and graceful."
    69. "So make sure the stars is what you aim for, make mistakes though."
    70. "And we gon' hangover the next day. But we will remember this day."
    71. "My only motto in my life is don't lose."
    72. "Take me, or leave me, I'll never be perfect. Believe me, I'm worth it."
    73. "I believe that life is a prize, but to live doesn't mean you're alive."
    74. "I wish that I could have this moment for life."
    75. "If I scream, if I cry, It's only 'cause I feel alive."
    76. "I can't believe it, it's so amazing. This club is heating, this party's blazing.""
    77. "It's so amazing, I figured out this world is ours for the taking."
    78. "I am not a girl that can ever be defined."
    79. "I got next, I'm gonna shine."
    80. "This is my moment I just feel so alive."

Cover Image Credit: Nicki Minaj

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