Yesterday was a very hard day. It was one of those days that was hard for no particular reason. One of those days where it seemed like it was just one thing after another. Everything was getting to me. I was exhausted, sad, and very frustrated with a lot of things. This is normal, and it's okay to have bad days. However, this isn't where my day left off.
I stayed up late getting some work done and I was so productive. I taught myself a bunch of new things, I got a lot done, and then after I had completed a decent amount of this project I went to bed. I was laying in my bed and reading my devotions. I said the longest prayer that I have in a very long time. I prayed for all the people I love and could think of.
After talking to God for a very long time I felt this overwhelming feeling of joy and peace. I am so blessed. I have some of the most incredible friends in the world. Friends that I can tell everything to and friends who I can actually ask to pray for me. These are friends that will also follow through and mention my name in their prayers! These are friends that I pray for. Beyond my friends I also have a family that always sticks together despite our occasional arguments and differences. I may have been struggling with feelings of sadness about a particular situation but it is only because God's plan is so much sweeter than my own. It is because in the end, I will have learned so many valuable things about myself and will have grown so much closer to God.
And I have! I have learned, through this struggle, just how desperately I need God. I have learned to better myself without beating myself up. I have learned to look back on my mistakes and not regret them, but just to correct them. To know that it is okay to mess up but not to wish these things didn't happen because they were an important part to my understanding of how I need to better myself.
The bottom line is, I have grown so much in my time of trouble, in fact that is the point. When we hurt, we grow. I am being shaped for my future, although I don't know what it holds, I know I will be better equipped to handle it and succeed in it.
The point is not to say that sadness is not okay or that you are not allowed to be sad. Sadness is okay and it is natural. Finding joy in your sadness doesn't mean that everything is okay either, it just means we allow ourselves to live in it and accept the growth that God has planned for us instead of hiding in fear. Nothing is perfect, and things aren't the way I wanted them to be right now, but I know that God is preparing me to be better when it is time. Wait on Him.
"But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them ever sing for joy, and spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may exult in you." Psalm 5:11
