We’ve all seen the movie, or at least heard of it, the “sad” story of a young woman who has never been kissed. Spoiler alert for those who haven’t seen it, she gets kissed in the end and falls in love.
Spoiler alert part two, my story isn’t about kissing cause unfortunately or maybe fortunately, I’ve been kissed, touched, and fondled (sorry Dad).
My story is about love. Gross, right? It’s actually more about the lack thereof.
I’m young, I know. However, I’m never going to be any younger than I am at this very second, I’m only getting older and I’ve never experienced being in love.
Not even the little puppy love that you think is your first love until your actual first love comes along and makes you realize what you felt before wasn’t love. I haven’t even felt that. I have never been in love.
Don’t get me wrong, I love a lot of people and things. Friends, family, food, animals, even my ex that doesn’t even count as an ex. Like yeah, I have love for the kid, but I was never IN love with him (sorry pal). Being in love is a feeling I have yet to feel. I think I’m okay with it. At least for this article I’ll pretend.
When I was young and imagining my dream life, I never pictured a family, no husband, no kids. Now 20-year-old Stephanie is kind of questioning if young Steph was a little naïve and maybe she just couldn’t possibly know what she would actually want a decade later. There’s a part of me that wants and needs to make that little girl proud, I have to make her dreams come true. I owe it to myself…right?
Thinking about and worrying about myself and only myself has always been the easiest path. Was it wrong to be so selfish at certain times? Absolutely. Am I sorry for it? No not really.
I don’t feel a single bit bad for leaving so many people on read, literally and metaphorically. I believe you need to love yourself and be happy with yourself before you can be in love with and make another person happy. Whether that is true or not I have absolutely no idea which is fair since I’ve never experienced it.
For whatever reason, I love giving people relationship advice, even if it is the blind leading the blind. Hearing their experiences makes me a little anxious but definitely hopeful. I also get to look at the older relationships in my family like my parents and grandparents and that makes me realize that sometimes there is someone who’s worth it.
Although I still want all the same things as I did way back then, a few things have changed. I want to fall in love, at least once. I think that’s reasonable. But I’m not going to actively look for someone or something, I’ll just wait for it to find me. Cheesy, I know. If any of you are trying to fall in love with me, just hit me up, I’ll be waiting.
