2016 has been a strange and disappointing year for politics. Both mainstream political parties have nominated the most unfavorable candidates in history. Many people are dissatisfied with both candidates and are tired of voting for the lesser of two evils. The public is itching for a viable third option come November. While many people view Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson as the best possible solution (after all, he is polling in double digits in a recent poll), there is another man who can get the job done. He just switched his affiliation from Democratic to Libertarian. He has run in three prior elections. He wears a boot on his head as a hat. He carries around a large toothbrush at all times.
His name is Vermin Supreme.
While his name may seem like the world's most effective bug spray, this candidate is no laughing matter. In fact, his detailed policy makes so much sense, it's a wonder he hasn't gained traction as a feasible general election candidate. Supreme has platformed on many issues, all of which should appeal to everyone of all backgrounds. Vermin has stated that one of his first orders of business would be to pass a law that required everyone to brush their teeth. Hygiene is a serious issue, and this law would be a step in the right direction. In 2012, he also campaigned on a platform of time travel research and of zombie apocalypse awareness. The most popular idea Vermin platforms for, and probably the main reason why I'm #FeelingTheVermin is that he promises a free pony for every American. Who doesn't like free stuff? Who doesn't like ponies? If elected, there is no doubt that he would be the best president in US history.
It won't be an easy road to the White House for the Baltimore native. After all, Gary Johnson locked up the Libertarian nomination just after Vermin switched to the party. However, impossible doesn't mean a thing for the man with the Dumbledore-esque beard. In a year of political turmoil and unexpectedness why can't Supreme pull off the upset of the century? The man did place fourth in the Democratic primary in New Hampshire -- albeit with 240 votes -- a primary in which he didn't even run. If that doesn't sound like a person who can get things done for our country, I don't know what does.
The naysayers will be quick to point out the lack of a party nomination, the "outlandish" platform or the unkempt appearance. But can't we say the same for some of the other political candidates that have campaigned in 2016? Ted Cruz didn't have the Republican nomination and he still chose to be a Presidential candidate. Bernie Sanders fought until the bitter end with Hillary with an unkempt appearance. And who says that a free pony for everyone is any crazier than trying to build a wall and make the country which the wall is being constructed to block pay for it?
So in this year of uncertainty, fear, clashing ideals, and a generally tumultuous vibe, let's rally around the man who genuinely wants to make America great again. Let's vote with our heads (covered by boots, of course) instead of our misguided hearts. Or maybe let's vote with both, because in no time I have no doubt that people will come to their senses and fall in love with the best candidate for president.
As for Vermin's VP pick, I hope he nominates 15-year-old Deez Nuts of Iowa. Someone who can't legally drink, Nuts would surely be focused on the job at hand and help execute Supreme's vision of America. Together, Vermin and Deez would present a realistic alternative to Trump and/or Clinton. I sincerely hope you too hop on the bandwagon, destination 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. #SupremeNuts2016
