I haven't been able to say I have "nothing to do" in probably 6 months. There are always meetings, homework, drama, emails, work, class, training, or something else going on. And I have forgotten what it feels like to have free time. I look around my campus and find myself so envious of the students lounging around Chamberlain Field, enjoying the sunshine. I think my eyes are permanently set for the indoors and it breaks my heart.
I miss escaping from everything for a long weekend in the woods or even an afternoon. I miss curling up in my hammock with my nose in a book. I miss being able to relax without anxiety about the next item on my to-do list. I miss free time.
I have been obsessed with adding things to my resume, to my skill set, to my toolbox of knowledge. I try to stuff my brain daily with as much information as possible. But why? What am I accomplishing besides exhaustion? What is my minute-by-minute jam-packed schedule doing for me? Is it making me happy? Is it keeping me healthy?
Honestly, no. I don't think I have ever been as physically and mentally unhealthy. And I have gotten to the point where I am questioning why I feel like I have to constantly go. I feel like I am missing out on memories that I could be making. I am missing out on the quality time with my loved ones that I need. I am not taking care of my body the way it deserves.
I feel like I am killing myself little by little, draining myself of every ounce of energy. I am sprinting towards a goal but the problem is, that goal is undefined.
I would like to encourage you to live. To take the time to just be and relax. You need to be able to look back and say you were genuinely happy with your life, not that you were stressed, exhausted, and unhappy.
It is okay to have some down time. It is okay to take an hour for just you here and there. It is okay to say no. I understand the fear of missing out. Not just the oh my friends are going out kind of fear, but the oh if I don't take this opportunity nothing will ever come my way again. You need to know that, that simply isn't true.
Hard work, balance, and a healthy life will open doors for you. People don't want to see someone strung out on 5-hour energies because they haven't slept in 3 days. That is overdoing it. If someone sees that while yes you are busy but you still have time to eat well, exercise, and sleep, they are going to be more impressed that if you can say you are so busy you never have a moment to breathe.