From since I can remember, I’ve always been that happy, bubbly person. I was able to sit down and pinpoint what made me happy, whether it was that I got a good grade on my exam, I went on an awesome date or I saw a puppy. When things weren’t going good in my life, I was always able to keep a smile on my face and be positive. Recently, this hasn’t been the case. There were times that I would have my down days or weeks. I couldn’t bring myself to feel anything other than sad or even not feel anything at all. I would try and think why I was feeling like this, but I never knew why and sometimes I still don’t always know why.
When I got in these moods, people would ask me why I was feeling this way or to smile. This always struck a nerve with me, mostly because how I was acting or the way I was looking was so clear that I wasn’t happy. They could see it written on my face and that made me even more upset. I was always strong and was able to hide the way I was feeling so I could avoid questions about how I was. Aside from the reason above, saying “I don’t know” or, God forbid I said “I’m just sad,” would make the person freak out. “Why are you sad? What can I do? Smile! Be happy!?” You could see how that could get annoying when you get asked that whenever you’re down by at least three people. No one will let you be unless you pull the “oh I’m just tired” card or lie and say that everything is fine.
Dealing with this made me think, why is being happy the only accepted thing to feel? Even when I was younger, I would see things online, as I’m sure everyone has, that would read “I wear a mask so I don’t have to explain why I’m sad.” Why is having your neurons work such a bad thing? We were born to feel and it’s okay to feel sad, jealous, angry, depressed, happy, etc. We shouldn’t have to bottle up our feelings and we shouldn’t have to push people to achieve happiness. It’s not like one feeling is forever.
We wouldn’t know what happy is if we’ve never been sad and vice versa. It’s okay to be sad and sometimes you have to be. Even if you don’t know what is making you sad, there is a reason whether it’s stress or a chemical imbalance or something else. There are people to talk to if it is affecting your everyday life but that’s when you and only you are ready to talk. People shouldn’t be your personal therapist when it’s unwanted. If you don’t want to talk, they should accept that. No one should force you to explain yourself and no one should be forced to smile because their resting bitch face actually has feelings behind it this time.
