USA And North Korea Conflict To Be Settled Once and For All in "Magic: The Gathering Duel"

USA And North Korea Conflict To Be Settled Once and For All in "Magic: The Gathering Duel"

The missile tests and talk of annihilation were just a cover up for the true battle ahead.
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The alleged dotard, Donald Trump, has revealed today that the heated verbal conflict between the USA and North Korea will be drawn to a close through a reign of fire not on earth, but in the realm of the Plainswalker.

The president of the USA and the supreme leader of North Korea will be crafting decks from Magic: The Gathering trading cards and settling their differences once and for all in a duel that will change politics forever.

The news of this international trading card duel comes shortly after Trump told the UN that "we will have no choice but to totally destroy North Korea," he later added, "at Magic: The Gathering."

The supreme leader of North Korea made a curt response in his open letter to the united states, stating that "[he] will make the man holding the prerogative of the supreme command in the US pay dearly for his speech calling for totally destroying the DPRK at Magic: the Gathering."

Analysts have suggested that Kim Jong Un may be entering the duel with a pure red deck, after the supreme leader's statement, "I will surely and definitely tame the mentally deranged US dotard with fire."

Though it is not certain, the supreme leader's potentially rash actions IRL concerning missile tests causes analysts to link abilities such as haste and first-strike to his potential creature choices.

It is not yet certain which colour(s) Trump will be using, but it is rumoured that he likes to play defensive, with a focus on summoning wall type creatures.

Members of Trump's cabinet have leaked tactical information, which suggest that the president may be planning to use North Korea's mana pool to pay for the summoning of his own walls.

No duel date has been set, but a US spokesperson alluded to the Rivals of Ixalan release in January next year, which suggests it could be then.

For many this has come as a surprise, but Richard Garfield, creator of the internationally popular trading card game, reveals that this method of resolving political issues has already been used on several other occasions, most notably (though unsuccessfully) by Colonel Gadaffi during the Arab Spring.

"It's a much cheaper way for countries to end arguments that, really, are impossible to resolve any other way.

He continued, "So far, the world leaders have used old, murderous methods of war alongside the Magic battles to cover up the truth, because they are embarrassed about playing it and don't want to look like massive nerds in front of everyone.

"But this match could change everything, even end traditional, bloody war altogether."

The duel will be covered on all major sporting channels, such as Sky Sports and ESPN.

It is also rumoured that the UN is working closely with Richard Garfield and production company Wizards of the Coast to create a new expansion pack suitable for an end-all Isreal vs Palestine match up.

Excited for the duel? Think all of politics should be dealt with like this? Share your thoughts below!

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'As A Woman,' I Don't Need To Fit Your Preconceived Political Assumptions About Women

I refuse to be categorized and I refuse to be defined by others. Yes, I am a woman, but I am so much more.

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It is quite possible to say that the United States has never seen such a time of divisiveness, partisanship, and extreme animosity of those on different sides of the political spectrum. Social media sites such as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter are saturated with posts of political opinions and are matched with comments that express not only disagreement but too often, words of hatred. Many who cannot understand others' political beliefs rarely even respect them.

As a female, Republican, college student, I feel I receive the most confusion from others regarding my political opinions. Whenever I post or write something supporting a conservative or expressing my right-leaning beliefs and I see a comment has been left, I almost always know what words their comment will begin with. Or in conversation, if I make my beliefs known and someone begins to respond, I can practically hear the words before they leave their mouth.

"As a woman…"

This initial phrase is often followed by a question, generally surrounding how I could publicly support a Republican candidate or maintain conservative beliefs. "As a woman, how can you support Donald Trump?" or "As a woman, how can you support pro-life policies?" and, my personal favorite, "As a woman, how did you not want Hillary for president?"

Although I understand their sentiment, I cannot respect it. Yes, being a woman is a part of who I am, but it in no way determines who I am. My sex has not and will not adjudicate my goals, my passions, or my work. It will not influence the way in which I think or the way in which I express those thoughts. Further, your mention of my sex as the primary logic for condemning such expressions will not change my adherence to defending what I share. Nor should it.

To conduct your questioning of my politics by inferring that my sex should influence my ideology is not only offensive, it's sexist.

It disregards my other qualifications and renders them worthless. It disregards my work as a student of political science. It disregards my hours of research dedicated to writing about politics. It disregards my creativity as an author and my knowledge of the subjects I choose to discuss. It disregards the fundamental human right I possess to form my own opinion and my Constitutional right to express that opinion freely with others. And most notably, it disregards that I am an individual. An individual capable of forming my own opinions and being brave enough to share those with the world at the risk of receiving backlash and criticism. All I ask is for respect of that bravery and respect for my qualifications.

Words are powerful. They can be used to inspire, unite, and revolutionize. Yet, they can be abused, and too comfortably are. Opening a dialogue of political debate by confining me to my gender restricts the productivity of that debate from the start. Those simple but potent words overlook my identity and label me as a stereotype destined to fit into a mold. They indicate that in our debate, you cannot look past my sex. That you will not be receptive to what I have to say if it doesn't fit into what I should be saying, "as a woman."

That is the issue with politics today. The media and our politicians, those who are meant to encourage and protect democracy, divide us into these stereotypes. We are too often told that because we are female, because we are young adults, because we are a minority, because we are middle-aged males without college degrees, that we are meant to vote and to feel one way, and any other way is misguided. Before a conversation has begun, we are divided against our will. Too many of us fail to inform ourselves of the issues and construct opinions that are entirely our own, unencumbered by what the mainstream tells us we are meant to believe.

We, as a people, have become limited to these classifications. Are we not more than a demographic?

As a student of political science, seeking to enter a workforce dominated by men, yes, I am a woman, but foremost I am a scholar, I am a leader, and I am autonomous. I refuse to be categorized and I refuse to be defined by others. Yes, I am a woman, but I am so much more.

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You Can't Save Everyone

That is, if they don't want to be saved.

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Over the summer, I had the privilege of directing a production of "Mary Poppins Jr" with some of the brightest and intuitive middle school and high school students I have ever encountered in my life. They were so empathetic and cared so deeply about the others around them, sometimes to a fault. Everyone was involved with everyone's business, but then again, if I were a seventh grader trapped with 60 other kids my age at a theatre camp for nearly 40 hours a week, I would be too.

As we got further and further into the show, I thought a lot about what lessons I could use from "Mary Poppins" to not only help the show grow but help the kids grow as well. As a mentor and teacher to these young artists, I felt it was my responsibility to help them get the most out of the experience.

I thought a lot about the character of George Bank, an overworked stressed father and husband. He sounds like he could be anyone's dad. The movie "Saving Mr. Banks," starring the genius Tom Hanks and Emma Thompson, really struck a chord with me and led me to use it as a driving force for the kids. The movie, if you aren't aware, is about Walt Disney attempting to acquire the rights from P.L. Travers (the author of the "Mary Poppins" books) to make the beloved movie starring Julie Andrews and Dick van Dyke. A major plot point in the movie is Disney's misunderstanding of what Travers is trying to say: the magical nanny Mary Poppins did not come to "save" the children— she came to save Mr. Banks.

I took this and used it to motivate my kids. I wanted them to figure out who Mary Poppins really came for, the kids or the parents. I challenged them to draw comparisons between themselves and their own parents as Mary Poppins sings, "Childhood is a step in time / Parenthoods the same." On closing night (and after a relatively long and emotionally draining process), I sat the entire cast down and asked them:

"Who did Mary Poppins come to save?"

Once again, these kids flung up their hands and delivered some of the most eloquent and profound responses. Finally, someone mentioned "Mr. Banks." My face was grinning like an idiot. They arrived at my point all by themselves. Then I threw them another curveball:

"What does that show?"

The kids scratched their heads. They didn't know. In their defense, I was getting super deep with them and they were, after all, for the most part still in middle school. I smiled at them before delivering my next phrase, my final words of wisdom, if you will:

"Everyone is capable of being saved. It doesn't matter what your story is or where you come from or who you look like. You are worthy of happiness and love. And you are loved here."

I was getting really choked up, which was surprising to me and I think to a couple of the kids. I was so emotionally detached from the kids for the most part because of our close age range. I felt that it was the most responsible and appropriate approach to my job as their director and camp counselor. So for them to see "Mr. Freddie" getting emotional, it was something rare.

I remember driving home from the theater that night, wondering if I was in the right by telling the kids that.

Can you really save everyone? Did I just feed a room full of kids a bunch of lies?

My first month of college has been a whirlwind socially. For the majority of high school, I was surrounded constantly by adults. I was a supervisor at my job where I was in charge of managing kids mostly my age. I volunteered a lot at a local theatre where I was constantly viewed as "one of them," meaning an adult. Heck, I ate lunch in my orchestra teacher's office every single day because I didn't have any friends my own age. And the ones that I did came with me to the office for lunch!

I met someone that was so much like me.

They had the same interests, the same passions, the same everything. They got me on a level that I don't think anyone has ever gotten me before. They came into my life kind of suddenly, and for two weeks, we were kind of inseparable. We hit it off really early on, which was surprising. They confided in me some of their deepest, darkest secrets. I felt a responsibility to be there for them. But when I tried to be there for them, they shut me out.

I didn't know what I had done wrong. Did I say too much? Did I not say the right thing? What was wrong with me? I wanted to be there for them. I wanted to save them.

But they didn't want that. They didn't want me.

When I say the word "save," I don't mean a knight in shining armor running across the forest to save the damsel in distress. I mean, being there for someone. Holding someone as they cry into your shoulder. Listening to them. Really listening. Helping them to heal. I wanted to do that for this person because I felt like I never had someone to do that for me. And here I was, with an opportunity, to be there for someone else.

I seized it with all of my might.

But they let go. And they pushed me away.

It was at that moment that I realized that you can't save everyone. That is, you can't save everyone if they don't want to be saved. That was when I realized what I told my kids was still true.

Everyone is capable of being saved, but not everyone is willing to be saved. Some people will push you away. They will reject your help. They will want to journey alone.

And that is okay.

But you cannot allow yourself to fall apart when that happens. You have to stay strong.

George Banks is only able to be saved in the ending of "Mary Poppins" because he goes on a journey and learns to truly value what life is about— not work, but his family. If he refused Mary Poppins help, she never would have been able to save him.

If someone wants to walk out of your life, let them go.

I came across this video a week ago or so, not realizing how powerful these words would be.

So to my kiddos involved with "Mary Poppins," allow me to add a little bit more wisdom.

Everyone is capable of being saved. It doesn't matter what your story is or where you come from or who you look like. You are worthy of happiness and love. And you are loved here. But you can't save everyone if they don't want to be saved. And if they don't want to be saved, it is not your fault. Even if it destroys you.

And if it does destroy you, pick yourself up, dig through the rubble, and make something beautiful.

Because we're artists. That's what we do.

We make something beautiful.

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