Welcome to a new series, all about the strange thing we call relationships. Full of unwritten rules, arguments, decisions, and wonderful memories. As a Communications major, relationships are something often brought up within my classes, which is one of the many reasons I chose this major, because I've always been so interested in why things happen in relationships. I want to not only focus on romantic relationships but all types of relationships from friends to family. Each of these relationships are so detailed and different from the way they are structured to the roles we play within.
"Friendship- (n.) The state of being friends, the quality or state of being friendly." (Merriam-Webster)
Three friends or three hundred friends, we all have a varying amount of friends, each for different reasons full of qualities we like or dislike. Being in a friendship can be taxing, like any relationship there are so many different things that go into it. Communication, trust, memories, and sometimes just being there.
Communication
When you first meet a new friend, it can feel like an overflow of communication. Both people are not only excited to share about themselves, but also nervous about oversharing or saying something that will scare the other person. Yet after many months or even years of knowing this person, communication might become more mediated or less conventional. Communicating who you genuinely are can be tricky, because you might not know who you are and using the right words and emotions can be difficult. The tug and pull of figuring out when to be emotionally open, funny, or silly can be a fine line. Starting off a friendship with open and honest communication can be so important if you want to maintain a long-term friendship.
Trust
Trust is a spawn of communication, as in you can't have trust without communicating. Trusting someone can be simple when you're young, but dealing with trust being broken again and again over time can make it hard to trust. Yet it is so, so, so, so important to learn from broken trust, it’s also important to move on from that. Making yourself open to trusting a friend can make your friendship much deeper. I've personally been in long-term friendships and had little to no trust in the person and have just recently met friends and had close to full trust in them. Again how you communicate with a friend can really change the level of trust, the deeper the communication, the deeper the trust.
Friendships while single or in a relationship
Of course the amount of involvement within a friend’s romantic relationship you have is very dependent on if that friend is willing to share that part of their life with you. I've been in both situations where a friend of mine either shared their relationship with me or not at all. It can be difficult if you are familiar with both people within the romantic relationship when conflict arises. It can feel like you have to pick a side or solve the problem for them, yet remember it is not your battle. Yes, you are a part of the relationship in a friendship sense, but you are not a part of their communication with each other and all the things that go into that. Keeping yourself at a distance from your friend’s romantic relationship can be beneficial in some circumstances.
Being single with your single friend can honestly be such a fun time for a friendship, especially if you are in college where there are many people to meet. And doing this together with your friend can bring about great memories and lots of late nights full of conversations about the cute boy you just met. The one type I haven't had a lot of experience in is both being in long-term relationships. As a young woman who is engaged at 20 years old, it can seem hard to find friends who relate. Most people my age aren't focused on settling down, and that's okay, I think being friends with people who are in a more temporary relationship can be so interesting. Of course I don't have all the answers for every situation, but I do find myself giving relationship advice more often than not to my friends in or out of relationships.
Peer pressure from a friend
Everyone in life has different interests and are constantly growing and changing. This idea of peer pressure doesn't really apply to my friendships now, but in high school it was one of the difficult things I struggled with. Countless times I had to give up such rich, wonderful friendships due to the other party trying to pressure me into something I wasn't okay with, to the point that I felt we were just too different of people. In the moment, this can be the toughest thing to do and result in a lot of pain and hurt from both parties, but looking back it really helped me grow and realize that it’s okay to not follow the leader all the time.
In college this is much different for me personally because I forewarn people about my personal beliefs. I think that really informs people into realizing what I'm willing to do and not to do. Yet I remember my freshman year in the dorm-style living, feeling the need to distance myself from the people who were doing toxic things to themselves due to peer pressure.
Just being there
Life can become so unexpectedly tough, things happen that we can't control. Yet in these times being there for a friend can be such a powerful thing. Helping someone heal from a loss of a loved one or a tough break up can not only build your friendship, but also teach you so much about yourself and your friend. The older I get the more this is happening, unfortunately due to loss of a loved one. Both of my closes friends have lost people they held so close to them, myself as well. And all of us dealing with the pain of these losses and encouraging each other to just get out of bed each day has changed our friendships in so many different ways. Not only has it taught me to value each of the days I get to wake up, but it has also taught me to value the people I have in my life. I see my relationships, both distant and close, as blessings that I wouldn't trade for the world.
If you can't be there, sometimes in life people just can't be there for you. Whether it's because of a personal situation they are going through or just plain flat out they don't know how to deal with it. Please don't ever disregard this friend, these are the friends that want to be there so badly. These are the friends that will be there when it all blows over, and of course you have to decide if that's a friend you want.
Friendships have so many layers and can sometimes seem like a full-time job. Yet being prepared to communicate and trust each other, along with making countless memories, can take some of the pressure off of the relationship. Taking these ideas into your friendships can hopefully help you continue on with the great friendships you have and make new long lasting ones in the future.
Until next week, stay curious.
