When you have lived for so long with this illness, you've adjusted who you are around it— who you like, who you trust, everything. But what if you were wrong?

Scary thought, I know. When I started getting better I was happy at first, but then I started feeling scared and angry. I met all of my best friends when I was hiding who I was. They loved that me but will they love me without my mask, the me that was taken away so many years ago? Will my family recognize me or will they think I'm not who they have come to love? What if I'm actually a disappointment with no excuse on why I do the things I do?

I remember watching "Prozac Nation" and the quote that stuck was, "I was so scared to give up depression, fearing that somehow the worst part of me was actually all of me." It's scary to think that the hidden parts, the bad or defective parts, the parts the doctors say are side effects of the illness, could truly be the real you.

The scene was when she started to not recognize herself. And out of frustration, she tried to hurt herself, in my interpretation, to see if this new her was a dream or reality. There is no sane way to react to such a heavy burden of thought, so in this scene I understand her actions as human and not as impulsive.

In a later scene she was asking for help and her friends said no because the part of her she didn't like was who she was and she didn't want to be in her life anymore. That is exactly what I don't want to be true. I have apologized for so many things during my recovery so far and I know there is a limit to the patience and love people can give.

So I can relate to this as well because when I felt like once I was better, I would be alone. Adjusting to a new me, and while others adjusted, they wouldn't want to deal with me. My counselor told me that, "If your friends leave, they weren't meant to be in your life."

I believe that it's okay to like the masked me, but if you can't handle the real me then I guess it means goodbye. Recovery is scary so I take it one day, hour, second, step at a time, and I don't forget to breathe— that's how I take it. You can never avoid triggers completely, just learn to handle them better.

Hi, I'm De’Asia and I have depression and anxiety, but they do not define me. I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, I have a family, I’m a student, a president, a leader, a clown and sometimes a shy girl. I am more than my illness and I just wanted to make that clear that I love me.