One of my suitemates had five job interviews last week. Another suitemate is meeting with a Teach For America representative later this month and is planning applications to other teaching jobs this summer.

I thought I had my sh*t together and had figured out what I wanted to do with my life. All was well and good. Then, I had time to think about my *aha!* life-decision moment, which means I had time to second-guess myself. I’m a planner, and I like to figure things out ahead of time. So, my plan going into junior year was to figure out what I want to do after I graduate, and then find a summer job or internship to help me get to that post-grad career. Makes sense, right? Many people seem to approach junior year summer this way. And this plan still holds, but I’m finding that, as a double humanities major, I have too many options, yet not enough options all at once.

This isn’t to bemoan the plight of the English/art major and complain about how no one ever wants to hire us. But I find myself faced with the dilemma of needing to narrow down my interests while also keeping an open mind to new possibilities. I don’t want to, and don’t have time to, apply to any and everywhere possible. And frankly, there are a lot of careers that, at this point, I have no interest in. But it feels like every time I talk to someone or look up opportunities, something else pops up that I hadn’t thought about. It’s nice to be presented with so many options: teaching, grad school, law, consulting, writing, professional art… The list goes on. And I’m grateful to have so many different directions in which my future could go. But it’s intimidating to be faced with all these options, and know that I have to choose.

Making choices is exhilarating and mildly to extremely terrifying. I don’t know about everyone else, but the knowledge that decisions I make in the next three to eight months will have some degree of impact on the rest of my life is the kind of shit that keeps me up at night and keeps 5,000 tabs of job opportunities open on my computer. I’ve already called my parents three times in the last week to ask them what I should do with myself and my life. Alas, they can’t make that decision for me.

In trying to wrap my mind around all of this and figure out how to figure myself/my future out, I’ve come up with a list (because lists are great and organizational).

1. Decide what you DON’T want to do or be.
2. Decide what you’re willing to compromise on.
3. Make some choices about directions to pursue.
4. Ask for opinions and suggestions from people you know and trust to have your best interest in mind.
5. Start taking steps forward.
6. Experience almost-crippling self-doubt and uncertainty.
7. Listen to the songs that spoke to you on a soulful level in seventh grade.
8. Pick back up and start taking action again, but maybe with a slight change in direction.
9. Tell the people you love that you love them, and appreciate them putting up with you in this time of prolonged existential crisis.
10. Update resumé.
11. Cry.
12. Send in applications to places you’re genuinely excited about.
13. Rejoice and treat-yo-self with snacks and Criminal Minds.