Matthew 14: 28-31
28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
29 “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, "Why did you doubt?"
No less than ten seconds ago, I did something that I'd feared I would have to do since I arrived at Grand Valley. Though what I thought would be the scariest and most uneasy feeling task to do was actually the most comforting and liberating, like walking on water. I changed my major. Not only that, I changed it from a really good program to "Degree Seeking Undergraduate". Bluntly, I made it official that I don't know what I want.
It's daunting for students to consider changing their major for fear of making the wrong choice and for potential money wasted. That's why I'd been so afraid, but luckily for me, I had one of those feelings. The kind of feeling you get when you have no doubt in your mind something is or isn't meant for you.
For the past 2 years or so, the major that I would claim on that first orientation day was what I thought was meant for me. This belief took over back in junior year of high school because it was a career that generically appealed to me and because junior year is when everyone starts asking what you want to do. Senior year, in that sense, only gets worse. So when I had that one career in mind that seemed pretty good, it became my response the first time I got that question and every time after, and over time it only got easier, requiring less thought.
I continued to live like this for the majority of my first semester at Grand Valley, and it wasn't until I attended a club meeting for the program where it became staggeringly apparent this major is not for me. I had thought that maybe this program didn't suit me occasionally throughout the semester, but it was made concrete at that meeting. Within the week I had an advising appointment set to start the search for what is meant for me. I couldn't be happier or any more excited to see where this takes me.
Like Peter, I have no doubt in my mind that Jesus can keep the water beneath my feet, but it's times when the wind and waves rise around me I begin to wonder if I'm capable and I sink. Peter didn't slip beneath the water because he thought Jesus wasn't able to hold him up. Instead, he saw Jesus on the surface and cried to Him when he needed help. Peter sank because he doubted himself. And that is what gives me comfort and affirmation when I do something that feels as unstable as stepping across the surface of the sea. I can put all my trust in my savior, knowing that if I step out in faith, He won't let me sink. However, I need to reserve some trust for myself too because I was created to be like Him. I was made with His own likeness in mind, and He does His work through me, I have no reason to believe there's anything I can't do.
