Unrequited Love Is The Worst Feeling That I Know
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relationships

To The Boy I Love, My Love Is Unrequited, But My Heart Still Beats For You

Can I let you in on a secret? Readers, editors, friends, and best friends alike?

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girl holding flowers

For those of you who don't know the feeling of dying anew every day, let me explain. Unrequited love is a love you hold for a person that doesn't love you back or, at least, not in the way which your impassioned love demands.

You know when you get a paper cut because of a stupid page in a book or something, and then accidentally put on hand sanitizer? Your hand stings like hell and you're beating yourself up mentally because you had known that the cut was there and would hurt but put aside these thoughts for the luscious Bath & Body Works scent and clean feeling. YOU FOOL.

This is unrequited love.

You know it will hurt. You know it will only provide brief intermitted moments of joy, but you love anyway. Because you're humans and we're all fools, you can't help it.

I couldn't help it either, falling for this boy.

I saw him across a crowded room. As cheesy as that sounds, it's true. I noticed him because I couldn't help but notice him, and then I heard his laugh. He threw his head back like a child and it was buoyant; it lifted me into the clouds.

I didn't need a wingman, I approached him. His table. I introduced myself. They let me sit.

And I have spent every day since that last one becoming one of his closest friends.

At one point, he was in a relationship. We weren't meant to be.

When he wasn't, I was working on myself and finding God. It couldn't work between us.

And this year, when I'm finally ready, when he's finally ready, I'm confined to California, and he is states and states away.

We Facetime every week, practically every night. How pleasant it is, to see the face that you've come to love and not be able to touch it. His laugh is too far from me now.

Can I let you in on a secret? Readers, editors, friends, and best friends alike?

I'm scared.

I'm scared to tell him what I feel because I know he doesn't feel the same. I'm scared for it to ruin the beautiful relationship we have with each other. I'm scared it will push him away. I'm scared it's not the right moment. I'm even more scared that it will never be.

I went out with a work friend for a meal after our shifts the other night. I could barely admit to myself that the reason was because his similarities to the boy so far from me. He has his same smile. Almost.

And so tonight, man that I love, when you Facetimed as always and we talked as always and you jokingly said, "Do you like this work friend?" I answered no. Like always.

You asked why. You saw me blush and then heard me lie. I can't tell you. You must know that.

But I can tell Odyssey.

I don't like my work friend and I'll never like my work friend and I don't like the boys that pursue me here and I'll never like the boys that pursue me here because I LIKE YOU!!!

I'm admitting it! To myself and to you and to the editor that will surely not approve of this haphazard, arbitrary, nonsensical post.

I like you.

And I wish that you would like me too.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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