When you’re on the inside of a relationship, it’s almost too easy to get swept up in it. You forget the warning signs in favor of what made you want to enter the relationship in the first place – their smile, their laugh, or the silly way their nose wrinkles when they’re confused. But sometimes taking a step back and evaluating is necessary, no matter how difficult. There are usually signs that things have slid downhill (or maybe were never uphill to begin with), and they’re not particularly hard to spot. They’re just hard to acknowledge. It doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is doomed – it just means it’s going to take some work to get it back on track. And that effort has to be mutual.
1. Talking to them is difficult.
Not every conversation is going to flow naturally, even if you feel like it should. People who have been in relationships for forty years still sometimes have awkward pauses and stretches where they’re not entirely sure how to respond. But if it ever gets to the point where it becomes uncomfortable to say what you really feel, or you start to doubt your every word, there’s an issue. Relationships are built in communication, and without it, the rest starts to crumble. When there’s an issue, the first step is always to talk it out, to find compromise and understanding – if you can’t talk, how is any of that going to be possible? Realizing that you talk about nothing more often than you talk about somethings is difficult, but it’s a pretty good place to start.
2. There’s a lapse in communication to begin with.
If you ever start to feel like you’re not speaking enough with your significant other, it might be a sign that something’s amiss. Sure, the two of you could be busy. But if it ever gets to the point where you’re pleased when you get an acknowledgement, or you’re staring at your phone and wishing they’d just give you a call, or, hey, even a text, you should consider the possibility that it might be something to work on. If you’re not talking at all, it’s probably a sign that the two of you are avoiding something, and that’s another issue altogether. You need time together to grow closer and let the relationship develop. And if you’re not going to take that time, ultimately, what’s the point?
3. You fear their reactions.
No one likes the feeling of walking on eggshells, especially when they’re delicate. If you spend more of your time evaluating your own behavior than you do enjoying their company, there’s a problem. As corny as it sounds, relationships are about accepting the other person as who they are. If it wasn’t true, there would be no cliché. If you’re editing and tailoring yourself to fit another person’s mood, there’s never going to be any of that genuine acceptance. If you feel like there’s a You and then there’s a You in This Relationship, that’s a glaring red flag.
4. They stress you out.
No matter how many movies you watch about how difficult relationships can be, or how many boys you hear whining about their needy girlfriends, relationships should never feel like more of a stress than they are a mutual, beneficial pleasure. If you feel more stressed out by your partner than you do excited to be in their presence, it’s a sign. Maybe it’s not even your significant other’s fault – maybe you’re just not ready for the relationship to begin with. Either way, relationships aren’t meant to be constant stress with no payoff. There has to be something to balance it. If you can honestly say to yourself that you’re exhausted after spending time with them, consider what’s causing it.
5. You feel like you’re putting more in than you’re getting back.
It might be natural for everyone to feel a little insecure about this sometimes. You’re giving your all, letting yourself be vulnerable, and putting yourself out there. Of course it’s occasionally going to be uncomfortable and maybe even downright terrifying. But here’s the thing – you should never actually believe it. If you’re ever in a place where it feels like you’re tugging along some dead weight, as cruel as it sounds, and you’re the one with the entire relationship on your back – is it worth it to keep going? It takes two to tango, and two to keep something like this going. You can’t be the one texting first all the time. Eventually, your back’s going to give out, and something’s going to snap. When you’re putting 100% of yourself in and getting maybe 30% back, it wears on you. So address it before it happens. Maybe the other person has become discontented with something in the relationship, and it’s time to talk about some of the things above. Maybe it just isn’t working anymore. Or maybe you really are the only one actively trying to make it work and, in that case, you’ve got to decide whether or not you’re comfortable with that. Your own mental health and well being should always come before a relationship, and it should never, ever be a burden.
