I absolutely love my school! The first day I toured the college I was set on it. It is a place where I am simply at home without even having to try. In my college I feel accepted, loved, wanted, and protected from the rest of the world.
If I love the school then why don't I like attending big school sponsored events? Why do I feel so uncomfortable attending these events? I mean this is my home after all. I have always known I was "different" because I have been told and I have constantly remained. But here at school I belonged and I wasn't constantly reminded of my difference. That all changed the first day I attended a school event. I walked in and I was automatically reminded of my difference. Not because I was the only person wearing the hijab because I am used to that here. What surprised me were the stares, more like glares I was getting from the attendees. At first I thought I was just being paranoid. What interest could these people have in a college student attending an event. Then I realized the further I walked in the more stares I got. My friend asked if I noticed people were staring at me and I laughed and said I am just that pretty and they're simply admiring me. I didn't feel like explaining to her the multiple theories I had as to why they were staring at me. I personally didn't think she would understand and i had a feeling she would tell me I was probably just overreacting. All I knew for a fact was that the stares made me feel really uncomfortable and unwelcome in my own home.
The second year of college rolled around and I was excited to be back at my second home and see what the year had in store for me. I attended one of the biggest events that my school hosts, an event that attracts high school science classes. I was thrilled to attend this conference because it was themed on addiction, relating to my Psychology major and fascination with the human mind. Classes were cancelled so students could attend the event and I took full advantage of that. During this event something I will never forget happened to me. I was smiling and being my jolly self and I was walking in the general direction of a woman who was standing there. When she saw me approaching she made eye contact with me and moved her purse from the side that was closer to me to her other side. As soon as I saw that I was extremely hurt and my smile faded. She treated me like some sort of criminal. With that simple gesture she scarred me more than she will ever know.
See it's not that I don't like attending school sponsored events; it is that I don't like how I am treated when I am there. My mom has told me to turn the other cheek and not let people's ignorance bring me down. I really wish it was easy for me to just say f*ck the haters and live my life, but those subtle things get to me. I shouldn't have to put up with it, but what choice do I have.
I wish those attending the events and making my experience here a little less perfect could simply see through my lens for a change.
