As someone who set up a shrine to her memorabilia when Zayn Malik left One Direction, then promptly threw all said memorabilia out when One Direction announced their “extended hiatus" (come on; we all knew what that meant. They were not fooling anyone), I have had some mixed emotions regarding this band over the past two years. Arguably, the thing I miss the most about this band is the teen magazine quizzes centered around them: “Which One Direction Member is Right For You?", “Which One Direction Member Are You??", “Which One Direction Song Represents Your Love Life???"

I've decided to take matters into my own hands and create what may very well be the last “Which One Direction Member Are You?" quiz to ever exist.

1. What do you look for most in someone?
   1. Are they a breathing human being?
   2. When you crawl out from the rock you live under, you're ok with anyone's company.
   3. Someone no one knows, but everyone wants to be. You know?
   4. Beautiful, accomplished, wealthy, and popular.
   5. Someone who likes long walks on the beach and candlelight dinners.
2. What is your dream date?
   1. Condom runs. Can't afford to have any more running around.
   2. The zoo. That is literally the only place you have ever and will ever been seen with a date.
   3. Funky Buddha, obviously.
   4. An exclusive club for only the biggest stars. Like you-probably-need-a-letter-of-recommendation-from-Drake-to-get-in kind of exclusive.
   5. Dinner and a movie. Wow. A true gentleman.
3. Where would you go on a romantic vacation?
   1. Your bed 😎😎😎
   2. The zoo.
   3. Somewhere tropical. Maybe the Caribbean Islands, or Florida.
   4. A private secret getaway for the biggest celebrities that is probably invite only, or available with your letter of recommendation from Drake.
   5. Paris, the city of love.
4. Pick a go to accessory:
   1. A striped t-shirt because you're stuck in your glory days.
   2. Vintage boots because you're the type of “I'm not a hipster" hipster who stares pensively out the window of your local coffeeshop.
   3. Sneakers and you probably are really proud of your extensive collection.
   4. Leather jacket because you're just soooooooo punk rock.
   5. Flannels because they match the warmth of your heart. Awwwwww (I threw up a bit typing this).
5. How would people who don't know you describe you?
   1. Funny (because they don't know you).
   2. Flirty (you're cute and all, but you probably peaked with your middle school relationship).
   3. Put together (eh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ).
   4. Mysterious (probably because you wear leather jackets, punk).
   5. A human puppy dog (that isn't always a compliment so stop smiling and don't pee on anyone's rug).
6. If you were to leave your significant other, how would you do so?
   1. First: yes they're pregnant with your child, but you guys are just good friends. Second: it's their baby and time for you to move on.
   2. Leave things really ambiguous, so one really knows if you left or if they did. All that's sure is that there are definitely some songs and millions of dollars in profits resulting from the breakup.
   3. Break up, then maybe make up, then date someone brand new and buy them some pretty lavish gifts and everyone will forget about your ex.
   4. By phone call, apparently.
   5. You were dating someone?
7. Who's your all time favorite boy band member?
   1. Justin Timberlake.
   2. Justin Timberlake.
   3. Justin Timberlake.
   4. Justin Timberlake.
   5. ❤️Justin Timberlake❤️
8. Which One Direction song represents your love life?
   1. No Control, both because you have none and you like to brag about your accomplishments.
   2. Best Song Ever, because you're like the puppy dog lover who really tries to make everything fun and happy so you don't have to think about the impending doom of student debt or global warming.
   3. Rock Me, because you like to think you're dangerous and bad-ass, but really you just drive a little faster to underground indie music. Hey, you're somebody's type.
   4. History, because you are equal parts very good at moving on from former loves and being a smug asshole.
   5. What Makes You Beautiful, because your love is like white bread: plain, but reliable to always stay the same.
9. What is your passion in life?
   1. Fading into oblivion.
   2. Making WWII movies? Really?
   3. Hoping for the best.
   4. Making the same music you said was stifling your creativity. Finally, though you can swear in your songs. Wow, freedom must be sweet.
   5. Soccer, maybe? Irish soccer? Is that a thing or just rugby?
10. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
    1. Single and still ready to mingle!
    2. Making your annual appearance from under your current rock residence.
    3. Well, you really want to settle down with someone in the next three, buy a cute little house in the next five, and have a wonderful little family in seven. In 10? Adorable Christmas card photos; the joy!
    4. The CEO of your own recording label.
    5. Happy. AWWWWWWWW (I can't do this).

If You Answered Mostly A's…

You're going to end up a obscure teen dad!

If You Answered Mostly B's…

Cut your rat hair and get a film career! It's time for you to pull yourself out of whatever gutter you fell into a couple months ago and see if people were right about you becoming the next Justin Timberlake!!!

If You Answered Mostly C's…

Congrats on the record deal!! No one really cares!

If You Answered Mostly D's…

You're arguably a step above this group's Justin Timberlake, but still a step below the real Justin Timberlake because let's be honest: none of you will top Timberlake!!!!

If You Answered Mostly E's…

Who are you again?