I have officially signed the forms to say that I will not be renewing my contract in Korea next year. This means that, in April 2017, I will become very ‘unbusy’, so I’ve been trying to decide what it is that I could possibly throw myself into next. The only answer I have, so far, been able to come up with is this: I want to be a Korean celebrity.
Celebrities here are treated as some sort of deity, a being above humanity who are untouchable to us, mere mortals. In the eyes of the public, they can do no wrong and I have witnessed pictures of such celebrities turn even the hardest of Koreans into quivering wrecks on the floor. When we see them on TV, in shop windows or on billboards, they tell us that if we were to drink Hite beer, eat Baskin-Robbins ice cream or even Dongwon F&B canned tuna then MAYBE we could go some way towards being a little like one, ourselves. This has led me to consider going into the ‘Korean celebrity’ profession myself and contemplate what it is that makes me a viable candidate.
Firstly, I’m already a pretty big deal around here -- when you talk to my 6th graders, anyway. Arguably, the biggest celebrity at this moment in time is Song Joong Ki -- and I have already surpassed him in my elementary students’ eyes. Just yesterday, three of my students told me I was "more handsome than Song Joong Ki," which, if you are living in or know anything about Korea, you will understand and appreciate the enormity of this compliment. This is not to mention the number of times I have been stopped in the hallway, a student’s hand holding my forearm as he/she stares beyond my eyes and into my soul with the utmost seriousness and almost whispers, as if what they are about to say is so precious and fragile that saying it too loud may force the words to somehow falter and break, "Jamie-teacher, you are so handsome today." Sincerity sparkles in their eyes as they do so. Nor does it include the countless occasions when I am walking through the school and, from somewhere behind me, hear the cry "HANDSOME-TEACHER!" (You see, because I have taught my students so well and because we covered appearance in the "What Does He Look Like?" section of the exercise book and I told them that the word "handsome" is used solely for males and, well, there are just no other male teachers at my school. So, I am sure you can understand that I know these calls are directed at me.)
If you are thinking that it is just my students who seem to have this opinion of me, you’d be wrong. As an example, last night I cut my hair. I took my stubble trimmer and amateurishly butchered away at the back and sides of my head. The sides aren’t too bad, if I do say so myself, but I know for a fact that the back is uneven and from now on I will shower knowing that, when my hair dries, it will either look like a mushroom or a Pauly D "blowout." So, it is safe to say that I do not currently have the fraich-est of haircuts. However, when I came to school this morning and walked into the staff room, wide eyes and gaping mouths turned to me and applauded -- and I use applauded lightly. I thought I was set to receive an award.
“Jamie-teacher… Your hair… You are so handsome.”
“You cut hair! You handsome!”
“Wow, Jamie, you so handsome.”
These are not 12/13-year-old elementary students. These are adult teachers. So clearly, at this point, it is just fact, right?
I ask you, if I merely have to hack away at my hair for 10 minutes with a stubble trimmer in order to receive a standing ovation from a room of people, imagine what I could do as "the face" of that brand of stubble trimmer. But I would be selling myself short if I implied that that was all I was good for. I’ve been cheered for my ability to: not-fall-off a longboard, for saying ‘Hello’ in Korean at the local coffee shop. I have had my picture taken with a guy I bought a bagel from. The possibilities are endless and I truly feel this is something I could and could do well.
Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Handsome Teacher (with the perm).
