Uh, You Don't Get To Chose If Your Kid Is Transgender

Uh, You Don't Get To Chose If Your Kid Is Transgender

Your child's gender isn't really your choice to make.

When I saw the title "My Child Will Not Be Allowed To Be Transgender" on my Facebook newsfeed you could see my facial expression change from happy to plain disgust. I literally had just shared a video of a transgender girl telling a story about how she was getting bullied.

Before I clicked on the article my mind was all over the place. How are you going to have children if you can't even support them? Or why don't you support transgender people for being who they are? Then I clicked on the article and I realized that this is why I don't read controversial articles that have a different view from mine, because I get so heated.

The first thing I want to say is, you don't allow people to be who they are, it's their own identity. A boy isn't going to just come home one day and be like "I want to be a girl because it's a trend". Trans girls/boys don't choose to be who they are. They feel like they're trapped in a body that doesn't belong to them and nothing's wrong with that. Saying you're not going to allow your child to be transgender is like your parents telling you that you're not allowed to be in the military because you might die.

The fact that someone can write an article about not letting their child be transgender and say at the beginning of their article that "this article is in NO way saying that I hate transgender/homosexual people. I love and respect them as humans (and friends!), I just simply don't support their decision." Is a little unsettling to me because saying that you don't hate transgender people but you don't support their "decision" is going against you not hating them. You must have a little hatred, I'm not saying you have a whole lot but you can't respect people if you don't respect who they are as a person, and being transgender is who they are; they didn't decide to be transgender.

You might not encourage your boy to wear pink or your girl from using the boy's bathroom until they're out of your "authority", but what is going to happen when they do get out your authority? That's if they make it out of your authority. You can't wait to have kids of your own but if your child doesn't feel like they can be who they are around the person that is supposed to support them the most, what will happen then? They will most likely be depressed and suicidal, because they have to hide who they are. But when your child does get out of your house and out of your authority, what is going to happen? Are you still not going to encourage them to be who they truly are or are you going to be there supporter?

Being who you are is not a mental illness. BEING TRANSGENDER IS NOT A MENTAL ILLNESS! According to the World Health Organization, a mental illness is "distress and dysfunction" and while transgender people do have distress, being transgender is not a factor of being distressed. The distress that transgenders have is from the social rejection they experience. It is not a scientific fact that being transgender is a mental illness, but it is a fact that being transgender is not a mental illness. Therefore, there is no need to look for “symptoms” and to look for therapists, counselors, and physicians because they can not help you; you will be spending thousands of dollars on something that does not need to and cannot be”fixed.”

There is nothing wrong with being gay or transgender, and I hope that before anyone that has the same perspective as you has children, that you find a way to encourage your children to be whoever they want to be, including being transgender.

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Gender Is A Fuck For The Person Who Just Doesn't Fit

My experiences being a non-binary individual.
"Who taught you how to hate your self?
Who forced you to confide in spell?" - The Hotelier, Life In Drag.

It's a subject I've touched on quite a bit on my twitter, it's a core part of my identity, and yet I've never written a long-form post about it. Perhaps it was fear of what people would say, how they'd look at me differently, the sneers of attention seeker I can see a few people making. Perhaps it was just not knowing what to say, the exact expression, the exact terminology is still something I'm trying to work out.

All I have are a set of pronouns, they/them.

The default when gender is unknown. An umbrella identity: nonbinary. Neither male nor female, but an other. I have occasional bursts of extreme facial hair because some people tell me I can pull it off, marking me as mask. I lack the delicate features and high voice one might attribute to their idea of what androgyny is. I have makeup as a signifier, the black nails, black lipstick and extravagant eye makeup drawing the lines between the New Romantics and the early 00's metalcore scene in Orange County. All I really have is that niggling sensation that I just, don't fit, any of the traditional models of expression.

I came out first to two of my best friends in late January of 2016, gradually to other people here and there, pronouns in the bio, mentioning it in person when I felt safe enough to. It's been an interesting journey, put mildly. Some people have been really chill and accepting of it. Some people were curious but otherwise quite calm about it. Some people have been otherwise grand but repeatedly misgendered me, n sometimes I've bothered correcting them but it almost feels worse, like the way I feel most at ease is an inconvenience.

Existing in the wider world hasn't been a whole lot easier either, here comes the milking of pain for views, bleeding out for clicks. The deluge of transphobia I see on a daily basis, the attack helicopter jokes, the organised lobbying in the United Kingdom trying to drive my community into our graves, pages closer to home posting hate speech dressed as memes, tacitly approved with likes and haha reacts from people I know would never look me in the eyes and say it.

There have been so many times I've been out and about I've genuinely worried for my safety, would I have to fight, would anyone jump in for me or was I an acceptable casualty should that happen for not fitting the role assigned to me. It never stops, and it takes a toll, and sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had taken the "easier" path of just being cis. Why add something else wrong with me in addition to everything else, a repeated thought that often crossed my mind. Yet at the same time, I'm here, I'm doing something I wish I did a long time ago. My name is Mal. My pronouns are they/them. I'm here, and I am valid. There's a set of lyrics i find it fit to close this piece off with,

"For years I hated myself for not feeling adequate, for not feeling like the man I was told to be. I hung on to these notions of masculinity until the shame of not belonging cut holes through my skin.

Take these trembling hands and tell me it’s not all broken, that it’s not all lost. I want to burn as bright as a million stars, free from all the guidelines of how I should feel. I want to burn as bright as a million stars. Fleeting as it may be, steady as our hearts. " - Respire, Anthem For Falling Stars,

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5 Signs That Prove You Are Truly A Man

What's to a penis anyways?

Have you ever wondered if you truly are a man? We live in an age today where minds have been opened and people are beginning to feel comfortable in their own skin, especially in terms of gender expression. However, there is still that sweet and blessed bunch who have no concept of gender and separation of sex, so I've decided to write this informative list of signs that truly show you are a man.

1. You feel deep down inside that you are a man

After all, you decide ;)

2. Ever since birth, you've known that you are a man

And it will stay that way as long as YOUR heart desires!

3. You have come to nurture your inner penis

4. Nothing anyone could say would castrate your true identity as a man

Not even a man in a suit and tie working for a corrupt institution. Nope, not even him.

5. You are a man

Plain and simple. You know you are a man? Then you are a man. The ones who need to "man up" are the ones who still haven't come to terms with themselves on where they stand as "men".

Tune in for my article for next week: "Five Ways To Know You Are Truly a Woman"! Much love fellow men and human beings! And just remember this, a penis is a metaphor and you don't need one to whip out and prove you're one of the "bros," your bravery to be yourself speaks more wonders than having a twelve-incher.

Just do you!

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