Eight types of girls you meet at a college bar:
1. Snapchat Sally
This girl lives for her story. You can find her starting out capturing the entire pregame and eventually filming what seems like two hours worth of snapchats at the bar. Her phone is always out, flash always on. The next morning you’ll probably wake up to a full, digital recap of her entire night.
2. Too Much To Handle
It’s a casual Tuesday. Everyone shows up at the bar in jeans, maybe even some sweats here and there, except for this chick. She’s hard to miss as you’ll find her strutting into the bar with six-inch stilettos, a freshly sprayed tan, lashes that could pick up a stiff wind, and perfume so strong you could smell it from two blocks away.
3. Dancing Queen
She has sensible shoes on, a killer outfit, and has no intention of staying still tonight. This girl is like if Jennifer Beals from Flashdance took an Adderall and a few tequila shots. She was probably on her high school cheer team and now her time to shine is on the tables at the bars. Move out of her way, Fergie’s Fergalicious is on and that is her f*cking jam.
4. Liver Of Steel
You know how you see those videos of girls horribly shot-gunning a beer? Well, this is not that girl. She could probably put experienced, 6’3, senior guy next to her to shame. Surprisingly small, she downs diesel with ease and you’ll never see her sloppy, even after what seems like eleven drinks.
5. The Girlfriend
This can go one of two ways. Either she’s so incredibly flirty that even the bartender asks if she’s single or her opening line to every guy is “Sorry, I have a boyfriend” even when they didn’t ask. Whichever it is, she’s taken and whether it’s right away or too late in the game the guy hitting on her will definitely figure it out.
6. Sloppy Josie
Go home Josie, you’re drunk. Someone, please call this girl an Uber before she orders another shot. In fact, tell the bartender to cut her off unless he’s serving her water. This girl went too hard too soon and it all caught up with her when she got to the bar. You can find her at the end of the night crying on the floor without her shoes on about a guy named Chad who she met once. Poor Josie.
7. The Magnet
If you aren’t her, you probably wish you were. This girl is gorgeous and everyone in the bar knows it. She hasn’t paid for a drink once since she’s been at college and she probably never will. She most likely has a sponsorship deal with some clothing brand on Instagram and is maybe even verified. If you can’t spot her right away, just look for a massive swarm of guys and she’s probably in there somewhere.
8. The Golden Retriever
This is your best friend, the girl who always has fun and makes you go out even when you don’t want to. She always has some wild story to tell and never says no to a night out, even if it’s Monday. You usually start off the pregame with her and end up ordering Dominos pizza at 4:00 a.m. with her too. She’s loyal and fun, and will always be there with a drink to cheer you up.
