I've learned that friends are the most irreplaceable things in the world. Friends come and go, but a friend is irreplaceable because of what each one teaches you. You have your best friends, your new friends, your childhood friends, and even the friends you only say something to when you're out on the weekends. So I narrowed down the most influential types of friends in my life.
The old friend.
The old friend is someone who you may have lost touch with or just aren't extremely close with like you may have been in the past. Before this distance occurred you saw them constantly, could hang out for days at a time, and they partially molded you into the person you are today. This type of friend leads you to a place and once the time comes to part ways, it never feels quite the same.
For most people, I imagine this is the best friend before college. You now come to see them on breaks and the occasional visit, but it never seems to be exactly how it was in the past, and why should it? The old friend and you have been venturing into new parts of life. You never go home after another year of school or work as the same person you were before. You've been too heavily influenced by the new life you have without them, but that's okay. Coming to this realization is a part of recognizing that even though you may now consider that person an old friend, they are still a good friend, and someone you have to appreciate as the person that helped lead you to the next step in your life.
The friend that pushes you.
Everyone has goals. Whether it is to become better in school, at a sport, or a job, someone is pushing you. One of the best forms of motivation is the friendly competition that pushes you to great lengths you would otherwise not be able to reach. In whatever case it may be, this friend is not only your competition but also a reinforcement to do great things. By having similar goals with this friend it motivates you intrinsically to be better than them, but more specifically than yourself. Rather than your teacher or mom nagging you to keep going and to do more, the competitiveness keeps you going to not do better than them in a spiteful manner, but do better than yourself with them next to you.
"Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend's success."
― Oscar Wilde
The friend that would bail you out of jail.
This friend who is going to bail you out of jail at 2 a.m. is someone that by definition is a best friend. The people who despite being woken up with your "one phone call" will always save the day no matter what. This person you can undoubtedly trust believes in you and is a true friend. The theme I find most with this kind of friend is trust. You know that they would lie, cheat, and steal for you without you even asking. (Of course, not literally). This friend is the one that walks into your house like it's his or her own. They know your mom who probably likes her better than you. They make you feel better when you need it because you know that they'll tell you the truth rather than what you want to hear.
The group of friends.
Although I'm usually one to stand by the "four quarters is better than 100 pennies" saying, having a big group of close friends is a great experience. Once they all come together in a comfortable environment they are able to truly be who they are, which allows you to begin to understand who you want to become.
My group of friends at Stonehill consists of me and 11 other guys who live together. It took a little over a year for all of us to show one another our true selves. Maybe it’s because at the beginning of freshman year none of us really even knew what to show because we couldn’t fully characterize ourselves yet. Whatever the case was, I now realize how important they are to my development as a person. Together it seems as though you never have to do anything alone because with so many helping hands willing to selflessly carry you along makes it impossible to fail. It is one of the most freeing and motivating feelings in the world.
"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship."
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
The "front porch" friend.
I roughly got this idea from the show "How I Met You Mother". If you were to envision yourself old and retired on a front porch, who would it be with? These are the people that I believe not only made a difference in your life, but also are the people you want to continue to make a difference in your life further down the road. The ones that life really wouldn't make sense without. The people that matter for who they are rather than what they do for you. Someone once told me that a true friend like this only comes around a few times in a lifetime, if you're lucky. The harsh reality is that it may be sad, but it is probably true. The falling outs and the different paths that emerge in life directly causes this. Only being 20 years old, I suppose it's too early to tell who I would choose but I like to think I have a pretty good idea. Maybe the person you're thinking of right now will be with you looking out onto your front yard. I think that's the beauty of it all — not knowing — and in the end it makes the feeling when you do find out that much better.
"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art...It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival."
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
Friends are in every way a part of you. The old saying is that "instead of looking in the mirror for who you are, look at the friends around you." Friends are a clear distinction for who you are because as much as you are yourself, after a while you become more like your friends. Friends are necessary for several reasons, but the most important to me is to grow. That is how a friend becomes an old friend and realizing this will allow you to begin to progress throughout life. Every day should be enjoyed with great friends by your side.
