For the past odd number of years, I have felt that I could never forgive you, but here I am. I can sit here for hours and think of many reasons why you failed me, failed to love me, failed to be my guide, failed to show me how to love myself. As the first man to be in my life, you did not stay long and though all the moments we share are not all bad, I am free. I am free from being disappointed. I am free from being let down, I am free from a manipulative toxic person. I am free to spread my wings and find myself. I hated you for everything you put me through, but mainly because I was constantly getting my hopes crushed, promises broken, and heart torn from my chest.

I decided to forgive you not so I can invite you back into my life, but so I can continue to recover from the damage you left behind. I forgave you so I could experience the true feeling of letting go. Forgiving you has lifted an impeccable amount of weight off my shoulders. I no longer feel that you hold anything over me, I only share your last name, blood, and half your genes. I feel like I am able to find myself without feeling as though I don't know where to start. I am able to get stronger because of what you have put me through.

I depended on you to be my hero, my secret keeper, and my protector. I depended on you to teach me things I would be able to hold on to. I depended on you to teach me that pinky promises are meant to be kept, not broken. I depended on you to help me be the best I can be. Instead, you taught me that I can get through life without a man, that my self worth is much more than any boy can afford.

I was raised by a strong woman, one who was my mother and father. I was raised knowing that you can't expect everyone to have the same heart as you. I was taught that loving myself will make it easier for others to love me. My mother took on your role and for that I forgive you. I forgive you for letting my mom rely on a man who did nothing but tear my mind and soul into pieces. I forgive you for not being the man that all the girls I go to school with have as fathers. I forgive you for being the worst human I know. I forgive you for all the damages you have done, but you should know I will never forget.

And to that man my mother relied on to be my father, I want to forgive you as well. I want to forgive you for the years of death stares across the table as I put more corn onto my plate at a family Christmas party. I want to forgive you for shattering the light I once had in my eyes, I will get it back don't worry. I want to forgive you for all the humilliating things you put me through. I want to forgive you for never letting me forget that I am at fault for the divorce between yourself and my mom. I want to forgive you for the things you said and did to me behind closed doors, while most of it was never physical you sure as hell left scars on me. No you never sexually or physically abused me but the amount of emotional and mental abuse left me broken just as much. I want to thank you for breaking me down again and again, because now I know I am strong.

Lastly, mom, I forgive you for being blinded by love. I forgive you for taking years to realize where you went wrong. I forgive you for being afraid to stand up to these two sorry excuses of a man. It is not your fault. You were stuck and abused right along with me. We are both victims and as we move forward in life, please forgive yourself mom.