An American’s guide to European stereotypes.
Have you ever wanted to break into the Euro-squad at Georgetown? Are you struggling to impress your foreign floormates with your two years of high school Spanish or Intermediate One French skills? Well then this article is for you. You probably have seen the international students dressed in all black, perhaps outside smoking and speaking a bunch of languages that you can’t keep up with. Here’s your chance to learn their ways and infiltrate.
French
Spotter’s Guide: They are probably wearing a scarf even if it’s a warm day and the sighting occurs indoors. Men’s clothing would be considered too tight by American standards.
The Low-Down: The French students at Georgetown fall in to two categories: those that grew up in the United States but attended a French school and the Parisians. The former exist in a state of denial that they have any connection to America prior to coming to Georgetown. They may emphasize their "French-ness" more to compensate.
Real hobbies include running away and eating whole heads of garlic.
Benji pictured below states that, in addition to wearing a lot of scarves, Frenchmen “smoke and always drink coffee with crossed legs.”
English
Spotter’s Guide: These guys will be wearing tracksuits and the girls will be in all black clothes.
The Low-Down: The quickest way to meet this lot is to join the rugby team, which seems to be the unofficial home of English people on the hilltop. If you hang-out with Brits for too long you’ll become all too familiar with the concept of a “Cheeky Nando’s” which is England’s answer to going to Chipotle Mexican Grill. Substitute Mexican burritos for Portuguese spicy chicken. At first the fact that all English people vaguely know each other (and the queen) before meeting, may be overwhelming. Try and power through as they play the inevitable game of, “Who do you know?” Don’t bother asking British people here where in England they’re from. The answer is London. If it’s not London, you probably haven’t heard of it.
Real hobbies include going to pubs and being hated by everyone else in Europe.
Pictured below is what is know as a "wasteman" member of English society. Perhaps this photo explains why the rest of Europe hates the English.
Spanish
Spotter’s Guide: They are probably complaining somewhere about how much more fun it is to go out in Madrid than in Washing, D.C.
The Low-Down: Spanish Hoyas are probably pretty bored of being confused with their South American counterparts. Yes, both groups speak Spanish, but no they aren’t “all the same.” Of course a student from Spain can help you with your Spanish homework, but the odds are they probably don’t want to.
Real hobbies include napping and fighting boys and cows.
The Spanish Hoya pictured has captioned her photo "a little party never kill nobody."
Scandinavian / German / Austrian / Anything Else
Spotter’s Guide: They don't get to have a group. Their countries are too puny to merit representation, so they are forced to hang out with Americans or clump together with other foreigners.
The Low-Down: They may try and trick you into thinking that they grew up here, but don’t be fooled. Their native tongues are too useless so they were forced to learn English really, really well. If you suspect you are in the presence of one of these, mention a trip to the hospital. They’ll immediately betray their "foreign-ness" by launching into a lunatic’s rant about the benefits of single-payer healthcare. Silly socialists.
Real hobbies include struggling to convince Americans that their country exists.
The Norwegians of campus are out in force for this article.
Dirty Half-Bloods (half-American / half anything else, like myself)
Spotter’s Guide: These people often lacking friends due to deep identity issues.
The Low-Down: These pretenders work in one of two ways. In one aspect, we try very hard to convince everyone we’re American -- did I mention I’m half American? Expect stars and stripes, an affected love of guns and backwards hats. Alternatively, there are those that will go to their grave denying that shiny blue passport. These guys will repeatedly state how repulsive American habits are -- food, clothing, everything is better back home. Look for goodies from their home country in their room, you’re sure to see some "delicacy" in their room.
Real hobbies include therapy to treat insecurities.
And yeah... this is me.
