Right now, I'm sitting in my apartment and counting the hours until I can go home to celebrate my 20th birthday with my friends and family. Due to the fact that I still have a few days until that point, I've decided to reflect on all of the experiences - the good, the bad, and every other cliché you can imagine - and make a list of twenty lessons I've learned that have been the most significant in my life:
1. You can most definitely choose your family, and should.
The only requirement is that you are loved and safe and that you trust and love them in return. Blood is not a requirement or prerequisite.
2. Be the person you needed when you were younger.
3. Take pictures of EVERYTHING.
Pretty sunsets, group selfies with your friends, a random avocado at the grocery store that made you smile - we both know your memory isn't the best and this will bring you so much happiness.
4. Hug the people you love everytime you leave them because you never know if it might be the last time you get to be together.
5. Treat others with as much kindness and empathy as you can give.
6. Do not invalidate yourself.
Your trauma is real and so are your steps towards healing - have respect for your feelings and growth.
7. This one is a given, but you are going to (and already have) make mistakes - some extremely major, others relatively small.
You must take time to analyze those situations, recognize where you messed up, and see where the fault was or was not yours. Always hold yourself accountable to avoid making the same mistakes again; this is the only way you're going to grow from them.
8. Become an advocate for yourself.
Discover what your triggers are, figure out healthy coping mechanisms, and create a support system that will uplift you.
9. Try to become a sponge and learn EVERYTHING you can from EVERYONE.
Ask your professors questions, talk to strangers and hear their stories, watch TedTalks and read, read, read.
10. Do not keep toxic people in your life or stay in toxic situations because you feel obligated to.
You are free to find happiness and deserve to do so.
11. Tip your servers well (and then a little extra).
12. Try not to take the bait on the Internet.
I know it's hard, but the Twitter trolls and Facebook boomers' comment threads aren't worth your energy, I promise.
13. Put your mental health first, no matter what.
Take your meds on time. Go to therapy. Do what you need to do to find the sunshine in your life that makes you want to stick around on this planet for another twenty years (and then some).
14. Tell the people you love that you love them.
And when you can't express it in words, find other ways to let them know how much they mean to you.
15. Do everything in your power to take advantage of your privilege, to give a platform to others with a voice that society doesn't hear as loudly as your own.
16. Spend time with your friends and learn all that you can about them.
Who are their favorite artists? What was their childhood friend group like? Where was the best sunset they've ever seen? When do they think the aliens will come? How was their first school dance? Why are their top ten movies ranked the way they are? Which type of bear is best? These little random details make them into the individuals you love, so ask about them all.
17. Do your best to accept that it is impossible to control all outcomes, so learn to be flexible and find strength in controlling the things that you can.
18. Understand that inspirational quotes about forgiveness on the Internet are not universal truths.
Only you get to determine what your healing looks like. You are in no way obligated to feel that you must forgive in order to free yourself - you are not bound to the definitions of how healing works for others.
19. Pursue your passions and feel a sense of fulfillment like no other.
Get that teaching licensure, attend a political rally, advocate for social justice, and always remember the power you have in the talents you've been gifted with.
20. Finally, never ever forget where you came from, what you have overcome, and the experiences that led to the person you are today.
Use all of those dark places and high peaks to continue writing your life story.
Those are twenty pieces of advice I've come to find true in the last twenty years. What are some truths you've learned?
