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Twas the Night Before Finals!

(A Parody Poem of "Twas the Night Before Christmas" attributed to both Clement Clarke Moore and Henry Livingston Jr. )

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Twas the Night Before Finals!
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Twas the Night Before Finals

And throughout the campus

Not a student did party

Not even the mascot, Starsky

The study guides were completed with care

In hopes that when checking BlueLink, a passing grade would be there.

High schoolers content, nestled snug in their beds

While nightmares of failure filled our students with dread

My study group in sweats, and I in my cap.

Must stay up and study, no time for a nap!

When out in the hall there arose such a clatter.

I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter

Away to my floor commons, I flew like I flash

A lack of caffeine made my teeth gnash

The harsh florescent lights, not the new fallen snow

Gave a luster of Heaven to the object in tow

But what to my wondering eye should appear.

But a mug filled with hot cocoa that had eight tiny reindeer.

I admired the cartoon sleigh driver, but had to go study quick.

Though indeed sleep deprived, it was definitely St. Nick

More rapid than eagles the morning had came

“Yep, I’m screwed” I thought, my fellow students the same.

Now failure! Now dropout! Where’s the McDonald’s application?

On retake! On lost hope! Knock on wood for superstition!

As dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly,

We’re meet with an obstacle, GPA say Goodbye!

Up to the rooftops all our hopes, they flew!

Say Goodbye to the hard earned good grades that we knew.

Then in a twinkling I heard on the roof:

The sound of blizzard and a hailstorm too

As I drew in my head, turning around

Down on my bed I fell with a bound

So sleep deprived, from my brain to my toes.

How long I’d been studying? Nobody knows.

A stockpile of Red bulls sat in my pack

“I must study!” I thought, “There’s no turning back!”

My eyes did not twinkle. My cheeks were not merry.

I looked a hot mess; I looked pretty scary

I dreamed about Christmas gifts tied with a bow

The look on my face as white as the snow

But what to my wondering eyes should appear

A Blizzard! Snow! Hail! The skies are not clear!

With the sidewalks and stairs, so icy and slick.

I thought “Praise the Lord!” Best gift from St. Nick!

More rapid than eagles the snowflakes they came.

Students whistled and shouted; they’d get to stay sane!

“To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!

“Now ice away! Ice away! Come on, ice it all!”

Up to the classrooms, the icicles flew.

With a flurry and a flourish, the doors iced like glue.

Then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof.

Celebratory shouts of some crazy goof.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,

Down the elevator R.A.s came with a bound.

Bringing hot cocoa, bundled up head to foot.

(There aren’t fireplaces, so there was no soot.)

“We’re snowed in!” They exclaimed, a weight off our backs.

“You can all just go home,” they said, “Go ahead and pack.”

Our eyes - how they twinkled! our dimples how merry,

Our cheeks were like roses, our noses like a cherry;

Our droll little mouths, drawn up like a bow,

Dreaming of the comforts of our home sweet home.

The pressure of finals had made us gnash our teeth.

But now we’d rejoice, perhaps hang a wreath!

We were joyous and gleeful, acting like happy elf's.

Recalling memories of the semester, laughing in spite of ourselves.

A e-mail confirmed that the R.A.s had said,

Soon gave us to know we had nothing to dread.

We spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And we packed all our bags, then turn’d with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of our nose.

So red from the cold it probably glowed.

We sprung to our cars, to the airport like a whistle.,

And home we all flew, like the down of a thistle:

The voice of Starsky exclaimed, ere we drove out of sight-

“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.”

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