I'm going to be twenty in a few months. It's still a little while away, just under three months, but I think it's starting to sink in for me that I am going to be twenty in a few months. I won't be a teenager, anymore, and I will no longer be able to blame everything that I do on the fact that I am a teenager and therefore immature. Instead, I am going to be twenty years old and in the same decade as people that are married and having children and people that have real jobs and are trying to really live their lives. People in their twenties are more of adults than people in their teen years. A nineteen-year-old isn't an adult, not really, but a 23-year-old is. At least, someone in their twenties is more of an adult to me. I don't feel like a full-fledged adult, not yet, and I'm sure that plenty of nineteen-year-olds feel the same way.

Twenty seems different, it seems like I'm going to be at the point where I have to actually think of my life for real.

https://unsplash.com/photos/oq4ok8GE88c

My twenties feel like they are going to be the decade filled with disappoint meant in a different way that my teenage years were and filled with success in the same way that my teenage years were. I have thoughts, as to how my twenties should go, because my twenties are the decades where I'm supposed to do all of the important things that people and my teenage years weren't for that. My twenties are supposed to be this all-important decade where I really, truly start to grow up so of course, they'll let me down at some point. My twenties are coming, and I'm hyping them up so much that I'm freaking out about them three months before they're actually coming.

My sister turned eighteen last week, and I think that it might be because I don't feel like I'm old enough to have a sister that became an adult. I'm not really an adult yet myself, it feels like, but it seems like I've got to get on that sometime soon. If my younger sister becomes an adult, then my younger brother will become an adult, and then suddenly we'll all be adults but maybe I still won't feel like one. I don't know, maybe I just need to take a deep breath and keep rolling with it all, but that seems pretty hard right now. If this is me freaking out about twenty right now, I feel bad for everyone who'll be near me for the first two weeks of July.