I am the type of person who buys a book and allows it to sit there for many, many days. Those days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into years. The books simply become decorations for my so-called “bookshelf.”

In August, I told myself I was going to become a reader. I wanted to enjoy it; I wanted it to become a hobby.

It’s hard to just make something your hobby, because there is a reason it isn’t your hobby in the first place. Flashback to last week’s article about intelligence: reading is not one of my gifts God has given me, which I find unfortunate. To be honest, I want that cute relationship between a book and a human. So cheesy, so American… so Colby Jack.

Waking up in the morning, brewing a nice pot of coffee, and reaching to your nightstand to grab ahold of the book that you were so eager to read the night before. So eager that you went to bed at an hour that most college students would consider morning… lets say eh, nine?

I am a dreamer. I love imagining things. I love the way my mind wonders, meaning thinking about anything and everything of and in this world. I tend to come up with all of these fairy tales as I’m just walking to class. I love the way God quickly intercedes in the midst of my thoughts and pulls me back down to planet earth without hesitation.

Oh yes, there you are God.

So, I am a wondering,

Wondering what the day is going to be like…

Wondering what I am going to eat for lunch…

To sum it all up… wondering what the future holds.

Being a wonderer and a dreamer… my mind is obviously pretty busy during the day.

Oh, and there’s school… ha.

Reason number one Jesus is my rock.

I am a mess with all my thoughts and can’t stand without his love.

I bought “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin in August to start my dream of becoming this cool, rad reader who wakes up before the sun with her coffee and fluffy pillows anxious to open her book. The dreamer in me was taking over and I was just going with it.

I didn’t actually start going with it until a week ago. A dream without actions is simply a dream. I knew I needed to make a move if I was going to make this dream a reality. My move, you ask?

Reason number two I need more of Jesus and less of me.

He places this fire in me to accomplish things I couldn’t on my own.

So this book, page four, tune in…

“Yes I thought about happiness, I kept running up against paradoxes. I wanted to change myself but accept myself, I wanted to take myself less seriously — and also more seriously. I wanted to use my time well, but I also wanted to wander, to play, to read at whim. I wanted to think about myself so I could forget myself. I was always on the edge of agitation; I wanted to let go of envy and anxiety about the future, yet keep my energy and ambition.”

Yes, Gretchen! I was giving her coffee shop snaps as I read this multiple times. Another reason why I can’t become a reader, I tend to read a paragraph too many times because, hey, my mind wonders and reading a page an hour seems to be the schedule.

OK this spoke to me. Being the 20-year-old that I am, I struggle on the daily with how to enjoy my college years without thinking to far in advance, but also making sure jobs and internships are lined up after graduation. Wanting to reevaluate the way I do things in general, how I act in a situation, how I talk to this person, and why I cant be myself in this situation. MIND GAMES, WOW.

I am a wonderer (do you mean wonder? Or wander?) and a dreamer and I love it. I love it because I am in control.

In all these situations I allow my wondering mind to kill my Jesus vibe.

Reason number three Jesus is really cool.

He shows me in my worst that I am who he says I am. Perfect in his image.

Using my gift of living in the dream and wondering into the future puts myself in a sticky situation. It brings me off my feet and landing me in the center of heartache and putting my trust in my being. My messy human being that isn’t capable of any complex planning on its own.

Jesus is really cool because he takes my gifts that he has crafted and shows how they can be used for His glory.

I like to wonder and dream.

Jesus has showed me to wonder and dream for Him.

I have set the lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. – Psalm 16:8

Take my wonders and dreams, Lord. Place them for your glory and your plan for me. Allow me to dream of drawing closer to you and growing anxious not in human desires but in you. Growing anxious for more of your love, oh Lord.

Jesus has made the ultimate sacrifice, He has died for our sins so that we may live a life of forgiveness for the messy things we tend to stray towards. Because of this sacrifice, we are given this love that is B E Y O N D all measures.

His L O V E is deeper and stronger than anything else of this earth.

Jesus is capable of taking these gifts God has given us and showing us ways to use them for his kingdom.

Taking my wondering mind out of worldly thoughts and placing it in Him, keeping my eyes towards Him will give me P E A C E.

Those paradoxes, Gretchen Rubin speaks about in her book, will be put to rest with the help of Jesus Christ who is indeed at my right hand. I will not be shaken when I set my dreams and wondering mind on him.

Reason number four Jesus Christ is stellar.

He takes my worries, wonders and dreams and makes them a light for him.

I love that.

I am not a reader. I am a dreamer.

I dreamed of becoming a reader, reached page four and God revealed to me something cool.

I stopped reading.

Does this make me a part-time reader?