Since elementary school, I have always centered myself on doing all that I can to be the best student possible. It's just something that has been with me my entire life. I see my personality trait as being a more academically competitive one-I try to be the best in order to impress others and outsmart the "competition" so to speak. I have always aspired to achieving the highest grades I can, being involved in as many groups as possible, and doing all that I can to appear like I have my life together. However, since entering college, the very trait that has gotten me through grade school is now making my life even more stressful than before.

All throughout high school, students often hear from parents, relatives, teachers, and other adult figures that they need to get excellent grades, practice a hobby, get involved in extracurricular activities, and the like if they want to get into a good college. Though my mother and family never really pressured me into becoming the "well-rounded" student that colleges look for, I faced the internal pressure within myself pushing me to do so much, as well as the competition from my peers in middle and high school. Because I attended a school where students were known for the rank in their class, quality of their grades, and number of involvements or leadership in school activities, I felt that I had no other way to be recognized than to become that "model" student who gets all A's, helps out in all the school events, and has a variety of talents. Thus, I tried to take the more challenging classes, strove for nothing lower than a 95, joined a different set of groups and activities each year, continued my elementary school activity of playing the violin, and even took up photography.

While I am proud to say that I reached my goals and did my best in school, now I feel completely lost and overwhelmed in college. By trying to involve myself in so many activities and taking so many various classes, I am unsure of where my interests truly lie. I now have to sift between what my true interests and passions are and what are just hobbies and activities that I want to participate in just for the name. I am not sure what academic fields truly interest and challenge me, and which are just the "smart" classes and majors that lead to the most success instead of happiness.

I feel that my social skills are severely lacking as well due to most of my time in high school being spent studying or rushing from club to club. I never had much time to hang out with friends during or after school because I had to attend rehearsal, help set up events, or work on assignments. Now that I'm in college where friend groups are purely based on social interactions and not so much mutual classes, I'm too nervous to talk to people and grow very uncomfortable in social situations with lots of people.

However, I am learning to relax more, focus on my mental and emotional health, and create closer bonds with friends, but it's a long road for me. I am working on removing the mindset of being "perfect" and instead, working on pursuing the things in life that truly make me happy. Don't get me wrong-academics are still my primary focus. But I am also trying to focus more on other aspects in life that are just as important, like being happy, spending time with others, and focusing on myself. As I continue to adjust to college life, I am sure that I will soon find the things in life that truly matter most to me-not just the things that will get me "recognized" by others.