This is for the mama's that are so sick of telling their side of the story. The mama's that just wish they could do it all again, but better this time. I hear you girl!

See when I first saw those TWO lines I broke down. I had different plans that did not include bedtime stories and sippy cups with chocolate milk.

What I can tell you though, is that day, sitting in the bathroom on the floor in tears, holding a stick full of pee, I knew that everything was going to be so much different. I'd be lying if I said I immediately went into “mom mode". I was in shock, but as soon as I saw that little heartbeat everything came full circle. The thing is that I've loved this little heartbeat before I could even hold her. I promised this little bean before she was even here that her life will be better than mine ever could have been.

Once I came to my senses and realized that I was in a toxic relationship, I knew I had to get out. I didn't want my little girl to grow up thinking that keeping a family together was more important than her own life.

I played the situation over in my head. Co-parenting could work! I know so many people who do it. Growing up without a dad isn't what I want for her. I went through that pain and I didn't want her to feel it.

For him, the drugs continued, the missed visits, the multiple girlfriends, to the point that it wasn't safe for my child. So I pulled back. I guarded her little heart from the hurt he continued to cause.

I sat in my bed holding this little girl, telling myself that I had to put my feelings aside and really just worry about her having a dad. So that was the plan. It soon seemed like the closer we would get to a solution the more he would show me that being her dad isn’t what he wanted to do. His actions have always spoken louder than his words and this situation was no different. No matter the legal agreement, if you checked his social media, you would honestly believe that I’m the most bitter person to walk the earth. “You’ve moved on and made a new family, that’s why she keeps you from her. She’s jealous.” “She is so evil and only hurting your child” “how selfish of her to keep that baby from you, what a bad mom”. Honestly, if I didn’t know the situation myself, I’d believe it too. I got so SICK of explaining myself. Showing people that he CAN in fact, see his child, he is personally choosing not too. Sick of defending the choices I was making as her mom. I guess at the end of the day I was bitter, bitter because he wouldn’t be a dad.

At some point I decided that I couldn’t force him to help, not emotionally, physically or financially. I’d already been doing it by myself for so long, that I knew we would be just fine. I made the choice to not try and force him to be a dad anymore. I made the choice to forgive him for all the damage he had caused in both of our lives and I made the choice to be happy for him. Happy for his new family and his flourishing career. Happy for his new child and the second chance he was given to be a dad, the right way. The dad that my baby missed out on.

I remind myself all the time that you don’t have to be with the person you made a family with to have a family. I am so blessed that the plans I had with that man were wrecked. I am so glad I was pushed to rock bottom. My life happened the way it was suppose to and that road lead me to the man who loves me and my child as if we were always part of his life. Like I was born to be his wife and my baby was born to him.

So if you want, you can think I’m “the bitter baby mama” or a “bad mom” or “jealous of your new relationship” or whatever you can conjure up in your mind, but please remember that long before this little bean was here, I made a promise to her, to protect her, love her and guide her—nothing anyone could ever say about me would compromise that.