A heartbreak like no other.
Growing up, my grandparents and I have always been very close and they have played a crucial role in my life. From attending my sporting events to taking me on fun adventures wherever that may be, I have treasured my time and looked up to all four of my grandparents more than anything.
On April 1, 2017, I lost my first grandparent. I knew it was coming and there was nothing I could do. I was at college, four hours away from my family and feeling more hopeless than I ever have before. My mom, extremely upset, called me late that night to tell me that my Poppy had passed away. It was the most heartbreaking feeling that has ever gone through my body. I cried and cried until I couldn't anymore.
As a 20-year-old, my life is just beginning. In the midst of that happening, my older family members are reaching the end. This is something that no one wants to admit is happening, but in reality, it is. Every day I hear about a car accident that killed a family or a fire that left two children with no parents. Every day I hear these incidents and I forget to remember that could happen to my family. Death is all around us. It is imminent and it sucks.
When my grandfather died, my life changed. My immediate thought was how upset I was that I would never be able to throw my arms around him and hug him one more time. I thought about the events he would miss out on and the heartbreak I would feel at each one. If there is one thing I know, it is that my grandfather never wanted to miss out on an event that involved his grandkids. It's hard to visit his home and know he is not there. The small trinkets and pictures around the house that remind me of him every time I step through the door. He took a part of me with him that I cannot imagine ever getting back.
My Poppy is my hero. He taught me to be strong during the hardest times of my life. There is one conversation I will hold onto forever and that I want to share with you. Three years ago, in the midst of my parents' divorce and the onset of depression that had taken over my life, my grandfather sat me down and told me a story. He told me that there is a bird that sits on your shoulder all your life and this bird's name is the Bird of Paradise. This bird will be with you all your life and bring you happiness and joy, but for small periods of time the bird has to go away and these are the tough times in life. I believed every word he said and I lived my life from that day forward thinking about the positivity that life has to offer. My Poppy is my Bird of Paradise now and I know he won't ever let me down.
To anyone who has lost a grandparent or is in the process, I understand. Stay strong and remember that your memories are something that no one can ever take away from you. Hold on to every piece of them you can and continue to make them proud every day of your life.
I will cherish the American flag I received at my Poppy's military funeral until the day I die because I know he believed in the person that I am and the person I will become.
