Maybe it's my own fault for diving into every sort of “relationship” I form. I blindly throw my trust at every person who bothers to give me attention, and proceed to watch i be eventually torn up and taken advantage of. It's always been difficult for me to see past the initial “perfection” of a person and take the opportunity to dissect their flaws.

As humans we’re full of them, and for me to blame myself for my heartbreak is admittedly unjust. I've hurt others, and I've been hurt by others. This deadly combination has caused me to spiral into a black hole of distrust and wariness directed at all the men I meet. I know it's unfair, and perhaps a bit presumptuous, but I've learned that it's so much better to be safe than sorry.

“I've given all the wrong people the right pieces of me.” I've allowed so many to walk over me repeatedly like I'm a fallen leaf until I am nothing but crunchy remains scattered about the cold earth (sorry for the dramatics). Yet again and again I find myself falling head over heels for someone I know in the back of my mind is bad news. To be honest, I often compare it to me cheerfully nose-diving off a cliff without a parachute. I know what's coming, but it still hurts all the same.

I know I'm not alone in this, we all give ourselves away to those unworthy of even knowing our name. We pour our hearts out them and feed them our deepest secrets and fears, only to be tossed to the side the second we are no longer fulfilling to them.

I’ve told myself time and time again that now is the time to work on myself. To discover who I really am and I want truly want in the world. I sincerely hope that I can follow through with this one day. For now, I'm unfortunately bouncing from one untrustworthy human to the next, waiting for the day I find someone who won't leave me like it's nothing. To everyone who finds themselves in the arms of someone who isn't interested in only holding you: I sincerely hope that one day you will find eternal happiness- first in yourself-and then in another. It is so important that we learn to trust ourselves first, because I'm beginning to find that sometimes I am the one I can rely on the least. It's sad and it's a little embarrassing, but temptation is something each one of is faced with, and it's up to us to look past a seemingly “perfect person” and recognize their full potential (both negative and positive).

I'm not sure if I trust anyone right now, including myself. I've made some bad decisions, I've trusted the wrong people, and it's led me to the conclusion that being alone is the best thing. Obviously I can't shut everyone out forever. Every person you meet comes into your life to teach you something. Whether it's how to be strong or how to love, there is no doubt that people walk in and out for a reason