Trust Issues From Friendships Are Still Valid

Trust Issues From Friendships Are Still Valid, Period

Hurt is hurt, no matter who it's from.

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When people talk about trust issues, they are most likely talking about those stemming from romantic or family relationships.

They're common causes so it's not surprising that most people dealing with trust issues identify those relationships as the source.

What a lot of people fail to acknowledge, though, are trust issues coming from friendships — which, by the way, are totally valid.

During the course of most people's lives, they will have some type of relationship where the other person is emotionally abusive to some degree. It might not always be constant gaslighting and demeaning, but it won't be healthy.

These unhealthy relationships can often be friendships, and every negative effect from these friendships is still genuine.

Friendships are tough because they require a lot of trust and emotion to develop further, and the more you put in, the more vulnerable you get. This vulnerability can make abusive friendships sting even more as it's easy to blame oneself for their willingness to open up and sometimes ignore the red flags.

I, for one, have experienced my own share of trust issues stemming from friendships.

I've been afraid of reconnecting with people out of fear of rejection; afraid of reconnecting only to be pulled back into toxic environments; afraid of opening up and being taken advantage of by new friends; and overthinking current friendship, assuming I see red flags when I don't.

I'm afraid to trust people I once did, want to, and currently do, and my reasonings are well-founded, along with every other person's.

I don't have to sit and explain my entire life history of friendships just to seem valid to the world.

I know — and everyone else going through the same things does too — that what I feel is totally real and normal.

Friendships can have everlasting impacts on our lives and it's safe to assume it can make negative impacts as well.

We believe people who have been abused by exes and shut out by family, and we should definitely believe people who have been stuck in unhealthy friendships.

People never ask for bad relationships of any kind and they never ask for any of the bad stuff that comes after.

No one asks for emotional struggles because of their relationships, and friendships are no exception — no if, ands, or buts about it.

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

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Dear Fellas, Consistency & Communication Is All We Ask For

So, why aren't we getting the same?

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Dear fellas (who fall under this category of course),

As you can tell from my title, it's time to talk about the problems with MOST guys in today's generation. This article isn't meant to bash all of you, but most of you need a reality check when it comes to. I'll start with this:

It's really annoying when most of you guys start a good conversation with us and then it eventually dies out because you lose interest in us. You even label things as "the talking stage," which to this day, I still don't understand the purpose of that. You come in our messages and go for long periods of time, only to message us weeks later like nothing happened. The excuses are tiring and pathetic, yet you claim that you care and you were just busy with work/school.

READ HERE: Having A 'Talking Stage' Proves Why Millennials Suck At Dating

What I do know, is that if you actually cared about someone, you would be invested in that person and not disappear. We shouldn't always have to be the ones to triple text and make an effort. Once we find our self-worth, its hard to settle for less at this point. If you don't feel the same way, please communicate with us and let us know. There's one thing people hate and that's wasting precious time. If you do "like us," be consistent. We don't appreciate the half-of-everything type.

READ HERE: 25 Annoying Phrases Guys Use When They Aren't Feeling You Anymore

Life is short and it's time to grow up.

Also, notice how I keep saying "most" of you guys. However, if you feel offended by this article, it's probably you who needs to change.

Thank you for coming to my unofficial TED Talk!

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