Trump Admits Affair With Stormy Daniels, "Melania Had The Baby And I Had My Needs"

Trump Admits Affair With Stormy Daniels, "Melania Had The Baby And I Had My Needs"

White House Chief of Staff, John Kelly, sat down with Fox News' Sean Hannity to discuss the meeting.

By now, most of the country is aware of the accusation that President Trump had an affair with pornographic actress, Stormy Daniels, in 2006, shortly after his wife, Melania Trump, gave birth to their son, Barron, and that President Trump paid her a sum of $130,000 a month before the 2016 presidential election to keep the details of their encounter quiet.

Although President Trump's personal attorney, Michael Cohen, and Stormy Daniels herself publicly deny the claims, quite a bit of uncertainty has been elicited between the recently-released transcript of her 2011 interview with In Touch Weekly and her deflection of Jimmy Kimmel's queries regarding the allegations in her recent appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live!.

Now, in a surprising turn of events, President Trump himself has admitted that he indeed had an affair with Stormy Daniels just a few months after the birth of his youngest child with his current wife, and now First Lady of the United States, Melania Trump.

In a closed-door White House briefing regarding the publicity that these claims have been receiving, President Trump, in a fit of rage, administered a ten-minute diatribe that culminated with a confession, sources confirmed.

"I'm sick and tired of this low life, no-name, talentless porn star taking the spotlight away from my America First agenda that is truly Making America Great Again. So, you know what? Yeah, I cheated on Melania with her. Melania had the baby and I had my needs. So when this woman approached me--begging me to put her on my show, by the way--I thought it was the perfect opportunity to release my pent up sexual frustration. She came up to my hotel room. We had dinner. Watched Shark Week. She was obviously starstruck, so I wanted to help make at least one of her dreams come true that night--sleeping with me. Which wasn't even that great, on her part. But lucky for her, nobody is better at sex than the Donald. Believe me."

Senior White House officials were apparently taken aback by the tirade, but as White House Chief of Staff, John Kelly, mentioned to Fox News' Sean Hannity, "I think the severe stress of the job has taken a toll on the President. Not to mention finding out about my grandiose mishandling of the Rob Porter situation. After Ivanka showed him those photos, he holed himself up in the Oval Office for three hours before calling us all in to talk about the affair allegations. Maybe the guilt finally broke him."

Needless to say, this is sure to be one of the most bigly scandals to ever be committed by a sitting President. Despite President Clinton's affair with then-intern, Monica Lewinsky, occurring within the walls of the White House, that pales in comparison to the situation surrounding President Trump's affair. This even gives Watergate a run for its money.

Now, there is also a critical piece of information that I've been withholding until now: none of this is true.

To those of you that have continued to read up until this point, I applaud you for actually reading through this article, given the click-bait title. To those of you that actually clicked the sources embedded in the first two paragraphs, you know that the first several link to actual news stories regarding the affair allegations. To those of you that actually clicked on the sources regarding Trump's confession and John Kelly's interview with Sean Hannity, I apologize for rickrolling you, but I appreciate your dedication to verification.

My entire point in writing this article, aside from coming up with (hopefully) humorous fake quotes, was to highlight the incredibly important undertaking of ensuring the sources of your news are actually telling you the truth.

My guess is that this article will be shared, exponentially more times than all of the other articles I've written combined, by people who don't bother to read anything other than the title. I would also guess that some folks might read the first few paragraphs, believe its authenticity, and share it without getting to the point where I admit that it's a farce.

Additionally, I wanted to highlight how incredibly easy it is to completely fabricate something and write a (hopefully) believable article about it. It's scary to think that someone who can just make something up off the top of their head can share that on a platform that can reach millions of people in the matter of hours, but that's a reality that we simply have to face.

What that means is that we have to be careful about the content that we are ingesting. Read multiple sources, from both sides of the political aisle. Fact-check the sources. Click on the links they embed. Make sure you know that what they're reporting on is at least factually correct.

Everyone is free to draw their own conclusions, but I would implore you to do so based on something that is actually true. Yes, most media outlets have a particular political bias. If Fox News and CNN are reporting on the same thing, sure they may have different analyses, but at least what they're reporting on is typically accurate.

Yes, it may be more difficult to do that rather than to simply assume what you're reading is factual, but at least you'll have the consolation of ensuring you're not being mislead.

Cover Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons

Popular Right Now

​An Open Letter To The People Who Don’t Tip Their Servers

This one's for you.

Dear Person Who Has No Idea How Much The 0 In The “Tip:" Line Matters,

I want to by asking you a simple question: Why?

Is it because you can't afford it? Is it because you are blind to the fact that the tip you leave is how the waiter/waitress serving you is making their living? Is it because you're just lazy and you “don't feel like it"?

Is it because you think that, while taking care of not only your table but at least three to five others, they took too long bringing you that side of ranch dressing? Or is it just because you're unaware that as a server these people make $2.85 an hour plus TIPS?

The average waiter/waitress is only supposed to be paid $2.13 an hour plus tips according to the U.S. Department of Labor.

That then leaves the waiter/waitress with a paycheck with the numbers **$0.00** and the words “Not a real paycheck." stamped on it. Therefore these men and women completely rely on the tips they make during the week to pay their bills.

So, with that being said, I have a few words for those of you who are ignorant enough to leave without leaving a few dollars in the “tip:" line.

Imagine if you go to work, the night starts off slow, then almost like a bomb went off the entire workplace is chaotic and you can't seem to find a minute to stop and breathe, let alone think about what to do next.

Imagine that you are helping a total of six different groups of people at one time, with each group containing two to 10 people.

Imagine that you are working your ass off to make sure that these customers have the best experience possible. Then you cash them out, you hand them a pen and a receipt, say “Thank you so much! It was a pleasure serving you, have a great day!"

Imagine you walk away to attempt to start one of the 17 other things you need to complete, watch as the group you just thanked leaves, and maybe even wave goodbye.

Imagine you are cleaning up the mess that they have so kindly left behind, you look down at the receipt and realize there's a sad face on the tip line of a $24.83 bill.

Imagine how devastated you feel knowing that you helped these people as much as you could just to have them throw water on the fire you need to complete the night.

Now, realize that whenever you decide not to tip your waitress, this is nine out of 10 times what they go through. I cannot stress enough how important it is for people to realize that this is someone's profession — whether they are a college student, a single mother working their second job of the day, a new dad who needs to pay off the loan he needed to take out to get a safer car for his child, your friend, your mom, your dad, your sister, your brother, you.

If you cannot afford to tip, do not come out to eat. If you cannot afford the three alcoholic drinks you gulped down, plus your food and a tip do not come out to eat.

If you cannot afford the $10 wings that become half-off on Tuesdays plus that water you asked for, do not come out to eat.

If you cannot see that the person in front of you is working their best to accommodate you, while trying to do the same for the other five tables around you, do not come out to eat. If you cannot realize that the man or woman in front of you is a real person, with their own personal lives and problems and that maybe these problems have led them to be the reason they are standing in front of you, then do not come out to eat.

As a server myself, it kills me to see the people around me being deprived of the money that they were supposed to earn. It kills me to see the three dollars you left on a $40 bill. It kills me that you cannot stand to put yourself in our shoes — as if you're better than us. I wonder if you realize that you single-handedly ruined part of our nights.

I wonder if maybe one day you will be in our shoes, and I hope to God no one treats you how you have treated us. But if they do, then maybe you'll realize how we felt when you left no tip after we gave you our time.

Cover Image Credit: Hailea Shallock

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