Trump Admits Affair With Stormy Daniels, "Melania Had The Baby And I Had My Needs"

Trump Admits Affair With Stormy Daniels, "Melania Had The Baby And I Had My Needs"

White House Chief of Staff, John Kelly, sat down with Fox News' Sean Hannity to discuss the meeting.
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By now, most of the country is aware of the accusation that President Trump had an affair with pornographic actress, Stormy Daniels, in 2006, shortly after his wife, Melania Trump, gave birth to their son, Barron, and that President Trump paid her a sum of $130,000 a month before the 2016 presidential election to keep the details of their encounter quiet.

Although President Trump's personal attorney, Michael Cohen, and Stormy Daniels herself publicly deny the claims, quite a bit of uncertainty has been elicited between the recently-released transcript of her 2011 interview with In Touch Weekly and her deflection of Jimmy Kimmel's queries regarding the allegations in her recent appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live!.

Now, in a surprising turn of events, President Trump himself has admitted that he indeed had an affair with Stormy Daniels just a few months after the birth of his youngest child with his current wife, and now First Lady of the United States, Melania Trump.

In a closed-door White House briefing regarding the publicity that these claims have been receiving, President Trump, in a fit of rage, administered a ten-minute diatribe that culminated with a confession, sources confirmed.

"I'm sick and tired of this low life, no-name, talentless porn star taking the spotlight away from my America First agenda that is truly Making America Great Again. So, you know what? Yeah, I cheated on Melania with her. Melania had the baby and I had my needs. So when this woman approached me--begging me to put her on my show, by the way--I thought it was the perfect opportunity to release my pent up sexual frustration. She came up to my hotel room. We had dinner. Watched Shark Week. She was obviously starstruck, so I wanted to help make at least one of her dreams come true that night--sleeping with me. Which wasn't even that great, on her part. But lucky for her, nobody is better at sex than the Donald. Believe me."

Senior White House officials were apparently taken aback by the tirade, but as White House Chief of Staff, John Kelly, mentioned to Fox News' Sean Hannity, "I think the severe stress of the job has taken a toll on the President. Not to mention finding out about my grandiose mishandling of the Rob Porter situation. After Ivanka showed him those photos, he holed himself up in the Oval Office for three hours before calling us all in to talk about the affair allegations. Maybe the guilt finally broke him."

Needless to say, this is sure to be one of the most bigly scandals to ever be committed by a sitting President. Despite President Clinton's affair with then-intern, Monica Lewinsky, occurring within the walls of the White House, that pales in comparison to the situation surrounding President Trump's affair. This even gives Watergate a run for its money.

Now, there is also a critical piece of information that I've been withholding until now: none of this is true.

To those of you that have continued to read up until this point, I applaud you for actually reading through this article, given the click-bait title. To those of you that actually clicked the sources embedded in the first two paragraphs, you know that the first several link to actual news stories regarding the affair allegations. To those of you that actually clicked on the sources regarding Trump's confession and John Kelly's interview with Sean Hannity, I apologize for rickrolling you, but I appreciate your dedication to verification.

My entire point in writing this article, aside from coming up with (hopefully) humorous fake quotes, was to highlight the incredibly important undertaking of ensuring the sources of your news are actually telling you the truth.

My guess is that this article will be shared, exponentially more times than all of the other articles I've written combined, by people who don't bother to read anything other than the title. I would also guess that some folks might read the first few paragraphs, believe its authenticity, and share it without getting to the point where I admit that it's a farce.

Additionally, I wanted to highlight how incredibly easy it is to completely fabricate something and write a (hopefully) believable article about it. It's scary to think that someone who can just make something up off the top of their head can share that on a platform that can reach millions of people in the matter of hours, but that's a reality that we simply have to face.

What that means is that we have to be careful about the content that we are ingesting. Read multiple sources, from both sides of the political aisle. Fact-check the sources. Click on the links they embed. Make sure you know that what they're reporting on is at least factually correct.

Everyone is free to draw their own conclusions, but I would implore you to do so based on something that is actually true. Yes, most media outlets have a particular political bias. If Fox News and CNN are reporting on the same thing, sure they may have different analyses, but at least what they're reporting on is typically accurate.

Yes, it may be more difficult to do that rather than to simply assume what you're reading is factual, but at least you'll have the consolation of ensuring you're not being mislead.

Cover Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons

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I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.

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Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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Dear Young Voices Of America, Stand Up, Speak Up, And Do Something

Our time is now.

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Dear young voices of America, I think we can both agree that we are sick of being told we are America's future while simultaneously being told our opinions don't matter. Now I personally do not listen to the people that tell me I'm better seen than heard; however, I know there are people that are a little timider when it comes to raising their voices. I am here to encourage you to be loud and speak up on topics that matter to you. There is no better time than the present to make your voice heard. Whether you are advocating for change in your school or the government, your opinion matters and is relevant.

We are the future of our country. How are we supposed to evoke change and reform if we can't have our voices heard? I call bullshit and I think it's time to take action. Even if you're the first or only person to advocate for your cause, be that person. Don't be afraid of anyone that tries to stand in your way. The only person that can stop you from speaking up for yourself and your cause is you. No matter how many nos you have to hear to get a yes or how many doors you have to knock on to get someone to open up, never give up. Never give up on your cause, never give up on yourself or the people you're representing, just don't do it. There is someone out there that supports you. Maybe they're just too shy to raise their voice too. Be encouraging and be supportive and get people to take a stand with you.

It is never too early or too late to start thinking about your future or to take action. But don't hesitate to say something. The sooner you start speaking up, the sooner you have people joining you and helping you, and the sooner you start to see and experience change. So get up, make that sign, write that letter, make that phone call, take part in that march, give that speech. Do whatever you feel fit to get your point across. Shout it from the rooftops, write it on your profile, send it in a letter, ignore everyone that tries to tell you to give up. Maybe they don't understand now, maybe they don't want to listen, maybe they're afraid to listen, but the more you talk about it and help them understand what exactly you are trying to get across, they will join you.

Even when it feels like you have nobody on your side but yourself, I am on your side. I will cheer you on, I will march with you hand in hand, I will write letters and make phone calls and help you find your voice. My life changed when I found my voice and yours will too.

So dear young voices of America, the time is now. Your time is now. Don't be afraid of the obstacles that you may have to face. Someone is out there waiting for you, waiting to grab your hand and march on with you. As Tarana Burke once said "Get up. Stand up. Speak up. Do something."

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