Being vertically challenged is no walk in the park. You have to be blessed with thick skin to deal with continuously being mistaken as a child. You have to prepare yourself for never being able to fulfill your childhood dreams, such as getting on roller coasters with your friends. To this day I still race past the guy checking heights in case things get awkward and he wants to double check the height requirements.
Here are just a few things my fellow petite ladies can relate to:
1. The dreaded “Good things come in small packages” line.
There is no greater tragedy in this world than when cheesy boys use this line trying to impress you. Trust me — it wasn’t good when Hallmark said it so it is definitely not welcomed by you.
2. Scooting the seat of your car to the closest position.
By the time you are done adjusting the drivers seat, it looks like you are about to eject from the car. It resembles more of a space shuttle getting ready for blastoff rather then your mode of transportation to Chick-fil-A. You know its bad when your friends ask if your legs are OK and you’re just wishing it could get a little closer.
3. Being the designated arm rest.
“You’re, like, the perfect armrest height.”
As if my tiny legs weren’t already struggling to propel your body forward, the added weight of this lazy human certainty doesn’t help. Neither does the fact that I am still confused as to who would think that’s a normal thing to say to someone?
4. Getting to squeeze into Children’s shoes.
The only perk of being an abnormally small adult is being able to squeeze your tiny feet into the children’s Jack Rogers. Which are identical to the women’s but half the price. All of you girls above 5’5" can keep your full-priced shoes.
5. Reaching anything and everything.
At this point, you have pretty much perfected the art of climbing the bottom shelves at Publix to reach the items on the top shelf. You've also mastered jumping until the shirt you had to have falls off the top hanger, which is placed too high for anyone who isn't an Amazonian. This is only because I’m an independent short woman who don’t need no man (or sales associate).
6. Being permanently stuck at the age of 16.
No matter how many birthdays come and go, people will always assume you’re 16. And immediately after, you will be hit with the, “Don't worry sweetie you will appreciate looking younger when you are older.” Actually I don’t think being wrinkly and 4’11" will make up for these years — but thank you for you condolences.
7. Where is the shallow part of the pool?
Trying to keep up with your friends in the pool is a real issue when the water creeps up to your neck and they still have plenty of body mass that hasn’t been covered. Especially when you only specialize in the doggy paddle. Nowadays, it seems like the whole pool is the deep end.
If this relates to you in any way, just know that your heart and personality never comes up short, so wear all the flats you want and strut your petite self!
