Don't we all want to be swept off our feet by our own Prince Charming? I always imagined he would listen to me, know my past and accept me for who I am. He would tell me I'm worthy and loved and that the world is better with us together. I have always had the mindset that everyone in the world has a soulmate, a missing piece of us or our own "person." Ever since I was a little girl, I always wondered who my soulmate or future husband would be. What would he look like? How would we meet? Would he put all the broken pieces inside of me back together?
As I got older, though, I tried my hardest to lower my standards. Throughout high school, I became insecure and realized that it was impossible to find someone who ticked all the boxes in my "soulmate" checklist. So, I started removing things from my checklist. He didn't have to be perfect anymore. He didn't have to be nice or have the same beliefs I had. He didn't have to respect me. As pathetic and sad as it sounds, I had to lower my standards to avoid being lonely.
However, in the back of my mind, I always had a bit of that romanticism stored away. I blame Mrs. Duncan who made me read "The Great Gatsby" in the 11th grade. This heightened my hopeless romanticism. I eagerly tore through pages of F. Scott Fitzgerald's masterpiece, taking everything in. I dreamt of having someone love me to the same degree that Gatsby loved Daisy. I craved a Gatsby in my life but fell short and ended up dating a lot of Tom Buchannons instead.
I believe the reason I am a hopeless romantic (and I hope I can vouch for others in this aspect) is because I am an over-thinker. I think about every outcome of my life and plan my life meticulously. I think about what I will name my children and the ways to make people I love feel worthy and important to the world. People often tease me for how much of a hopeless romantic I am. But I am glad I am a hopeless romantic. I'm in a happy (happy is an understatement but I can't think of a better synonym), healthy relationship and I love expressing myself through sappy letters and cute notes. If that's all I'm remembered by one day, I'd be okay with that.
I'd be okay with being remembered as the girl who always tried to make others' days a little brighter. Because, in the end, if it made my boyfriend or my friends or my family, lead happier lives then I will never feel ashamed for who I am.
