Redeeming Joan Crawford's Final Film "Trog!"

Redeeming Joan Crawford's Final Film "Trog!"


Just one look at Tura Satana's bustier-than-life go-go dancer Varla relegates the 1965 film Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! to the lowly status of a sexploitation movie; from the start, it is unable to regard the entire package as anything but a novelty. In spite of, or perhaps because of its notorious critical failure, it has often been reexamined by critics and, over time, has garnered high praise from feminists and film critics alike.

Life's funny like that sometimes.

Like the works of Edgar Allan Poe or Vincent Van Gogh, a movie is sometimes unfairly labeled as "bad," and shunted aside for the next week's new release. It gets filed away as a dud and for every Faster, Pussycat!, there are dozens of rhinestones-in-the-rough which are forgotten about. It is my hope to dust off these cinematic crapfests and try to salvage them in my own fledgling series I've so cleverly named "Redemption".

This week's offender is the 1970 "horror" "classic" Trog!, Hollywood icon Joan Crawford's final feature film. I would like to point out that in reviewing movies such as these I (mercifully) do not grade them along the same sliding scale reserved for movies of substance and merit. Instead, I sift through the hackneyed writing and overwrought facial expressions in search of at least one redeeming factor. Though an ignominious end to a stellar career, I am sure that Crawford's star power (however dimmed by 1970) will be enough to buoy the movie.

Having fallen just a few years short of the rise of the fast-paced summer thriller, Trog! inches by at a relentlessly slow pace and is propelled along by clichés. The "uncharted territory" trope rears it's ugly head not long into the film, ("We could be the first humans down here!" "Yeah! Let's look around!") and it becomes painfully clear that this movie will have all of the suspense and aesthetic appeal of a 90 minute long episode of the original Scooby-Doo.

Being a horror film of a different age, the suspense surrounding the titular Trog (the missing link) is ruined by encroaching shadows and an unintentionally funny attack on an explorer. Had the Hitchcock style of unseen violence been used, it might have had more of an effect on the viewer, but ten minutes in and without the screen presence of Joan Crawford it becomes impossible to regard this as anything but supremely corny and contrived. The fact that this movie lies chronologically between such horror movies of note as Rosemary's Baby (1968) and The Exorcist (1973) makes this style of unintentionally comedic horror inexcusable. Crawford has yet to be seen and already the aged actress is tasked with the herculean effort of lifting this trainwreck to at best a B-movie.

The grand dame appears onscreen not with a bang but with a smouldering whimper, playing to her costars with a forced, wide-eyed innocence reminiscent of her decades-earlier romance movies. While Crawford's restraint served as a grim, effective counterpoint to Bette Davis' all-out madness in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?, she now seems hopelessly out of place amid the frenetic chaos, akin to Julie Andrews touring with Metallica.

Once Trog is captured, the movie more or less collapses in on itself in a far-less-than spectacular heap of contrived plot advancement and pseudoscientific babbling. The pizza I ordered got delivered so my attention dropped off, though I could tell I wasn't exactly missing Citizen Kane.

Final Verdict: Trog! is laughably light on scares, brains, and heart, and, with all due respect, it's fitting that this is Crawford's last feature film. The only joy to be derived from this is the overwhelming camp value, with the Academy Award-winning film icon screaming disjointed bits of dialogue at a man in a deformed monkey mask. Because it almost seems that this film was created to be subversive of horror films of quality and taste, because it's just so unrepentantly awful that it must be seen to be believed, Redemption Approved.

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I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.


Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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13 Quotes For All Of Us Empowered Female-Identifying People Out There

For the days when you need to be reminded that you are really doing the dang thing and doing it well.


For the days when you need to be reminded that you are really doing the dang thing and doing it well.

1. Do you really need someone else's permission, acceptance, wink, or nod, or are you ready to give these to yourself? -The Universe

I get notes from the Universe everyday and all of them are so amazing and inspiring. There might be a few of them on this list. You can sign up for your own notes from the universe here.

2. The princess saves herself in this one. -Amanda Lovelace

The quote is based off a book called The Princess Saves Herself In This One, which is a collection of poetry about resilience, you can get the book here.

3. I'm made of more than you think. -Snow White, Mirror, Mirror

4. Other people's perception of you ain't none of your business. -Lisa Nichols


5. Do you realize how many events and choices that had to occur since the birth of the universe leading to the making of just exactly the way you are? -Mrs. Which, A Wrinkle In Time

I love this because it really hits home how so many right and wrong decisions led to the creation of you and how you should appreciate the good and the bad because without either of them you wouldn't be exactly who you were supposed to be.

6. You can't stop what's done to you. You can only survive it. -Rachel, Georgia Rule 

This brings up an important theme of my life that I'm still trying to figure out. The only thing you can control in your life is how you react to what happens to you.

7. Don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want. -Patrick Verona, 10 Things I Hate About You

8. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -Queen Clarisse, The Princess Diaries

9. No trifling of the past, no matter how great, can tarnish the brilliance of eternity. -The Universe

10. People who are insignificant to your future shouldn't have an impact on your present.

Someone once told me this, and although I can't remember the person, this quote has always stuck with me.

11. Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before. -Lady Gaga

You know what... I think she was talking about you.

12. Tell yourself it's easy. Tell yourself often. Make it an affirmation. Eat, sleep, breathe it, and you life shall be transformed. -The Universe

13. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. -Mark Twain 

Go on then, be empowered and trust your instincts, you've got big things coming... I can tell.

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