It all happened on a Monday night like any other. I got my usual grilled chicken salad with avocado and handed the cashier my student ID. “I’m sorry, ma’am, there isn’t enough money on this card to pay for your meal. The avocado is extra.”
What is this, Chipotle?
After considering if I should simply scrape the avocado off my salad and ask for a discount, I decided that holding up the line for an embarrassing amount of time while I fished a few ones out of my bag was a much better idea. The salad was mediocre and the cold, hard truth remained. I was straight out of “flex bucks.” Gone were the days of a morning latte at Starbucks and a Chick-Fil-A sandwich for lunch. That’s right, I would finally have to face the dining halls.
I’m sure that I’m not the only one in this sad, flex-buck-less boat, so I decided to not lose hope and try out the best 5 “dining hall hacks” that the internet has to offer. Here goes nothing.
1. Root Beer Float
Yeah, I know, that's totally easy. Vanilla soft serve plus soda fountain root beer equals a great head start on the path to obesity.
Easiness: I could probably make this with no arms.
Taste: It's like drinking a cavity. It would be better if it was actual beer.
2. Time Consuming Breakfast Burrito
Do you like waiting in lines? If the answer is yes, then this “hack” for you. You have to wait in not only the omelet line, but also the sandwich line, which is super fun and a great use of your time. You are also guaranteed to look like a fatty getting both eggs and a sandwich. It's basically the definition of a win-win situation.
Easiness: if you are good at making small talk with your fellow line-standers, it's very easy.
Taste: It's a Taco Bell breakfast with a hint of impatience.
3. Sad Peanut Noodles
If you enjoy getting weird looks in the dining hall, this is a must-try. According to the internet, mixing Siracha, peanut butter, and soy sauce will make a “Thai Inspired Peanut Sauce” that is perfect for stir fry, dipping, and also for making you look like an idiot carrying twelve plates and ten sauces back to your table. By the time you whip this up, your friends will be done eating and you’ll be almost late to Spanish class.
Easiness: It's not too bad if you have four hands.
Taste: It's like old Panda Express with a touch of science experiment.
4. Surprisingly Decent Waffle Egg Sandwich
This is made with cheese from the omelet station mixed into the waffle batter and topped with bacon, sunny-side-up eggs, white gravy, and a drizzle of syrup. I love all of these things separately and, honestly, together they weren’t half bad.
Easiness: Some assembly was required, but it was worth it.
Taste: I would definitely recommend to a friend who is tight on cash and low on expectations.
5. 12 Step Program Sangria
That’s right kids, I made Sangria in the dining hall. According to one bold internet user, you can make this fancy drink in the comfort for your own cafeteria so you can pre-pre-game your night out (or your statistics class, whatever). Disclaimer, this one is BYOW. Armed with my Yeti half full of Barefoot, I went into the dining hall before my 9:30 a.m. because this drink apparently needs all day to sit. I looked like a psycho cutting up my grapes and apples into tiny chunks. “Are you making fruit infused water?” asked a girl who passed me, “That’s so smart!”
No, I’m just trying to get turnt.
“Yeah, I’ve heard it’s super hydrating,” I said, flashing a smile before turning to the soda fountain to fill the rest of the tumbler with sprite and OJ.
Easiness: If you can manage to cut the fruit with a dull cafeteria knife, the rest is easy as pie.
Taste: This is the best “hack” here by far. Also, it's the only one to include alcohol, so you can just roll with that.
