Recently, I was engaging in a conversation with a guy and a girl happened to walk past and by his body language I could tell that he had some ill feelings towards her. I asked him who she was and what she had done to him. He just muttered “Oh she’s just some “THOT”.”
“THOT” Probably a word that we have all used at some point in time. It is used to describe a woman that has many sexual partners. When this term is used it can be as a joke of course. When it isn’t a joke though when it then describes a woman who is not desirable because of her many sexual partners. My question then is, “How many partners is too many?” Who are the people that came together to decide that number?
In the past, it was customary that a woman waits until marriage to have sex. In The Bible it says “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous" (Hebrews 13:4). Basically do not have sex before marriage. In the past woman dealt with ridicule when it had been revealed that she had had sex before marriage. Hester Prynne was made to wear a scarlet letter. Woman back in the biblical days were stoned. Woman have had many protests and amazing movements to help combat with these beliefs. Here in 2016 almost 2017 women are still being targeted in a time period wherein more and more things are becoming acceptable. Somehow the thought of a woman having multiple partners is unfathomable to some. There is the age old double standards where a man is seen as cool when have multiple partners and woman are seen as hoes.
There is never been a time when men have been ridiculed on a wide scale for being promiscuous. It was widely accepted and in most cases expected. There was a brief period in the 90’s that I can remember it being cool for a guy to just stick to one girl. There was the Will and Lisa couple, the Whitley and Dwayne, the Cory and Topanga. The music was also a representation of the shift to talk about commitment with songs by Jaheim “Put that woman first” and LL Cool J “I need Love and Jagged Edge “Let’s Get Married." Now that the 90's has passed the era of commitment is gone. All sorts of media promote promiscuity from a man’s standpoint. And when someone such as Lil Kim comes out with something raunchy and gritty it turns heads and raises eyebrows. People look down on her in relation to safer artists. Same goes for Foxy Brown and more recently Nicki Minaj.
To say that woman being THOTS is a double standard is a no brainer. What’s a bit challenging is when it depends on the type of female. White woman can have a threesome and sleep with multiple men and still know that she has someone desiring her. This is because white women have a different excuse, they were just going through a phase or being wild. There is a distinct difference in the way promiscuous white woman and black woman are talked about. When black woman have had a bunch of partners her past follows her more heavily. People are most disgusted in this scenario. White woman can seek a husband later in life with no problem when thinking back on their “wild college days”. Black woman are held to a higher standard and in turn receive more animosity when engaging in promiscuity.
This is not to say that woman should go out and have sex with as many people as possible. Having one partner or waiting until marriage to engage in sexual relations is amazing. The point I am trying to draw is to let people live their lives. Especially woman, we cannot partake in the disrespect of woman. It is one thing to have a difference of opinion but it is another level to belittle them for their choices. If we are going to set a limit on how many partners someone should have it needs to be universal. Black woman, and woman in general cannot be targeted. Men need to start being held accountable for the amount of sex they engage in as well. Some people just simply enjoy sex. It does not always need to equate to some sort of hidden grievance she has toward herself, men, or the world. It shouldn’t be normalized for men to have multiple partners but disgusting for women.
